Eve

Back home was just as boring as I remembered it. It was comfortable and what I was used to. It was good and it was bad all at the same time. I was back to the quiet little life that I had gotten away from. It was a state of peace that I had yearned for when I was in the city, but now it was too quiet. My mind was overpowered and I wished for the noise and the hustle and bustle to steady the thoughts in my head.

“Eve, why are you just standing there? We have a lot of things to get done today.”

I sighed and turned towards my sister. She was a year older than me and married the proper way, to the proper man. Her husband was sanctioned by our parents. They had courted, took their time and finally took the next step. I was never one to do things right, but after the fiasco with Carlos I didn’t have a choice but to leave. There was no part of me staying that would have ended well.

So I was back to this life and it was already boring me to tears. I followed Constance to the small church that wasn’t but a quarter of a mile from the front door. I had been offered up to the church to help with a fundraiser that was going on. They were collecting non-perishables for their outreach program and I was forced to participate. Though I was a writer by trade, here in Watertown I was just the girl that made good cupcakes. So I was tasked to make several hundred to sell for charity. I didn’t mind it, but it was hard to think that this was the most exciting thing that I had done all week. That was the worst part, that my life had been reduced to this.

“Ever since you have been back, you aren’t really here.”

She sounded worried and knowing her, she was. Constance never did understand why I would want to do anything differently than what was expected me. She had found so much happiness in that, she couldn’t fathom why anyone else wouldn’t. It didn’t matter how many times I had tried to tell her that this life was never for me. Constance would never understand and that was why we had never been as close as I had hoped we would be.

“I’m here, going to church like I was asked to.”

“Well okay, you are here, but maybe it is just so clear that you don’t want to be here.”

“I never did. That was why I went to college and left, so I wouldn’t be here my whole life.”

“Marcus has been asking about you since you got back. You remember him, don’t you?”

I did and I told her I did, but I didn’t like the implications to what she was saying. I had been set up enough the last few years and I wasn’t trying to jump into that deep end again. Not knowing what I know now. Now I wouldn’t even be able to think of Marcus in any other way but inferior to a man like Carlos. While Carlos was a lot of things, good and bad, he was all male and that was something hard to find anywhere.

Thinking about him, made me miss him and there was a part of me that wanted to go right back into the danger zone. I hadn’t handled it all well, but I was just taken aback and I hadn’t been expecting that all to happen. Maybe in my nightmares and the way I had acted was just an honest reaction. I froze, unable to think of what to say or what to do. When it forced for me to leave the city, I just did, too embarrassed to want to stick around and see what would have happened next.

“See there you go again.”

“What?”

“You have a faraway look in your eyes and you aren’t even listening.”

Apologizing, I asked her to repeat herself, but we were already at the church and it was no longer wise to talk about much of anything. There were ears all over and anything that was said or done, the rest of the town would know about it by the end of the day. Another thing I missed about the city was the anonymity of having so many other people around. There I could just blend in and not worry too much about everything that I say or do. It is not that way here and I was reminded of that when I heard a faint whisper behind me as I walked in. I had to imagine that more than I would have liked was already known about my life.

“We will talk later sister, when there are less people around to hear us.”

She knew that I was asking for her to drop it. I still didn’t even know what it was that I would say to her. I did know that it wasn’t going to be that hard to keep my thoughts to myself. I had a lot of work to do and with everyone having their own assignments to do, it was easy to fall into a routine. I had missed baking and things of that nature, but there was only one place that I missed at the moment, only one man that filled my thoughts a bit too much.

***

The walk home was almost as quiet as the day had been. I was tired and Constance was thinking about what she had to do when she got home. She spoke a little about it as we walked out loud, but the conversation that had been halted earlier was not picked back up. I was thankful for that small mercy.

“I will see you tomorrow Eve. We have to set up the booths.”

“Okay Connie, I will see you tomorrow.”

“Then we will talk about what is going on with you. I still haven’t heard about what happened in the city and why you came back.”

“Surprised mom hasn’t told you.”

She shook her head and told me that mom refused. It was because she was embarrassed by my actions. To her it looked bad on her and I doubted that she wanted anyone else to know. But I heard the whispers, I know that people were talking about it and coming up with their own reasons.

“I want to hear it from you. Something has changed in you Eve and I want to know what it is.”

I watched Constance go to her own house a few doors down from my parents. They had bought the house for her and her new husband as a wedding gift. I knew that they were planning the same thing for me, if only I would fall into their cookie-cutter life plan that had for me. I didn’t want that though, never really had since I was old enough to realize that there was other choices to make. I wanted the right to my own choice.

Going in the house, I had a bit of determination in me and I thought I had finally come to a conclusion about what I was going to do. I had to stand up to her and just tell her that I wasn’t going to be able to do what she wanted. She was already hinting at new beaus for me and I was going to have to tell her if she wanted me to stay in Watertown I was going to have to be able to make my own decisions. I was an adult after all.

But I got about three steps in the door and stopped. What was he doing here?

“Eve dear, you have a visitor.”

I knew that I did. I could see Carlos from the door sitting on the living room sofa like he was supposed to be there. The leather jacket was gone and it was replaced with what I was sure he thought he was supposed to wear. A button down didn’t look right on him. Neither did the clean-shaven face in front of me. Everything about him was different, except the look in his dark eyes when ours eyes finally met. That part of him was the same and I was already tingling inside with the idea of what he wanted to do to me and what I wanted him to do to me.

“Um, what are you doing here Carlos?”

He smiled and made a point to not look at my parents. I was confused and when my mother chimed in with the answer, I was even more dazed.

“He is here to ask you something Eve. Me and your father are going to go in the other room. I am sure you have some catching up to do.”

Watching her leave, my mother actually winked at me when I passed by her. It was the strangest thing that I could have seen and I was sure that something was wrong with her. Why was she suddenly okay with Carlos? What had he said to her? Had he put the same voodoo on her as he had on me? There was just something about him that couldn’t be denied.

“What are you doing here?”

“You left.”

It was a simple answer, but one that I wasn’t really ready to process. Why did he say it like that? Like I had a reason to stay that involved in him.

“I left because things got complicated. That doesn’t tell me why you are here right now. Why are you at my parent’s house and why does my mother like you all of a sudden? Why are you dressed like that?”

He stood up and I backed away a few steps. “I thought that your mother would like me like this better and I was right. I am here for you Eve. I thought it was clear.”

Carlos kept coming closer and I could feel my body weakening. I wanted him to touch me, kiss me. I wanted to be in his arms again, but I knew that I shouldn’t. He was bad news and just because he had shaved and put on a button down, didn’t mean that it was changed. He hadn’t changed at all.

“What are you doing here?”

“I told you Eve, I am here for you.”

I found myself backed against the coffee table and I wasn’t able to sidestep it before he was upon me. I felt his hands on my shoulders and he made me look at him. “What do you want from me Carlos?”

“I want you. That’s all.”

He moved to kiss me and my eyes fluttered shut. How could I tell a man like him no? I didn’t want to and there was no part of me that could actually say it. His lips were soft on mine, but just as insistent as he had been before. My body was ready to explode with just one touch. I didn’t think that I could ever get enough of him, even if he was too much all at the same time. Everything with Carlos was wrong and right, all at the same time. It was more than a little confusing and I pushed away from him before I was in the state I had been in before.

“We can’t do this Carlos. You just don’t understand.”

“I do. Joel told me and I know what it is that you need to make this okay.”

I didn’t know what he was talking about. Nothing was going to make this any better and nothing was going to make it okay that I was found with him in such a way. It wouldn’t change who he was and the fact that he wasn’t a man of morals.