David

“I can’t believe you even remember her. What is wrong with you?”

I couldn’t believe it either. I don’t know why that woman was on my mind so much, but it was impossible to say that she wasn’t or to pretend that I didn’t think about her every time I was with someone else. It was not an easy thing to have going on in my brain and I started to wonder if this was the beginning of insanity.

“Don’t you think that if I knew what it was that was wrong with me, that I would change it? I am sick of talking about her, thinking about her. Every night almost, I wake up in the middle of it, dreaming about her. It is always the same.”

Craig just kind of looked at me like maybe I had lost it. It wouldn’t be the first time that I had wondered the same thing. Maybe I was going over the deep end and I just didn’t even know it yet. Was this the deep end? It didn’t feel like it was normal and it hadn’t mattered how many women I had underneath me, it was Carol’s face that I hoped to see when I looked down. It never is though and the frustration of not having what I want had set me on edge.

“Man you got it bad. It has been six months. It is time for you to get it together. I know that this girl got in your head, but everyone is worried about you. I am worried about you.”

“Are you getting soft on me Craig?”

“No, but I don’t know what to do with you. It seems like everyone in the gang is losing their mind and now you. I didn’t think you would ever be like this, yet here you are.”

Here I was. I didn’t know where I was, but I did know that it was getting to be too much. What was it about her that had driven me to this? I didn’t think I would ever know.

“It isn’t that bad. I think I just need to smash it again. I didn’t get enough the first time.”

Craig just kind of shook his head with a faraway grin on his face. “What the hell are you laughing at?”

“Nothing, I have been there. There is always this one girl that you won’t be able to stop thinking about. They do some kind of voodoo, I swear.”

I liked the idea of having something to blame my emotions on. I didn’t know what else it could be. I had never cared about a girl passed a night or two and now it had been too long to think that this was just a fluke. I remembered her so well for a reason. I didn’t know what that reason was, but I knew that it all had happened for a reason. I just knew that I had to see her again.

“I don’t know about all of that, but the damn woman did something.”

“Just drink some more beer and eventually you will forget about her.”

“That or I will pass out.”

He shrugged and asked me what the difference was. Either was I was going to stop thinking of the woman that was the bane of my existence. It didn’t take long for him to be right and I was feeling better pretty quickly. I spotted a girl from across the room and the first thing that I noticed was that she was a redhead. I was now attracted to them full stop and I moved towards her at a slow pace. If I couldn’t have the real thing, maybe it was better to have an alternative. It was better than nothing.

***

Waking up the next morning with a pounding headache, my heart skipped a beat when I saw the strands of red hair that were on my arm. My dreams were of Carol, as they always were and I woke the woman up to give her a kiss. For a few moments there, I was convinced that it was Carol. When Maggie turned over and smiled at me, my heart sunk and I remembered the night before. I remembered picking her up at the bar and taking her home. I had seen Maggie around before. She was one of those girls that hung around when one of the gang wanted her. I didn’t need anyone to point her out. I had seen her with almost everyone in the gang. Everyone knew what she was in the bar for. It was only last night that I took her up on the open offer. She wasn’t as satisfying as I would have hoped her to be.

I didn’t say much to her and instead of getting some more of her delectable tongue I got up and started to get dressed. I already knew that being with her was a mistake, one that I didn’t want to repeat.

“Where are you going so early David? I was hoping that we could do that thing again that we did last night.”

I was sure that she was talking about sex and though she had been better than I had thought she would be, there was a big part of me that knew that it was never going to be the same. How could I have sex that was good and not great, when I knew that there was more out there? How could I not desperately crave the way I had felt with Carol in my arms? It didn’t make sense and the more I thought about it, the bitterer I became.

“I have work to do.”

“Oh, I didn’t know that the shop was open today. I thought Carlos had decided on closing it on Sundays?”

“It’s not. I think Carlos has a job for me and as slow as it has been at the shop, I didn’t think it would be out of the question to take on some more work.”

Why was I explaining myself to her? I got up and instead of saying anything more, I got into the shower and tried to rinse away all of the bad effects that were going on in my head. “I am going to take a shower Maggie. I will drop you off if you need a ride when I get out.”

“When will I see you again?”

I stopped with the question and wished that it was a bit clearer what was going on. She wasn’t going to hear from me again. I thought that she was a woman that wasn’t expecting anything out of our relationship. Maybe I was wrong…

“I don’t know Maggie. I will give you a call.”

“But you don’t have my number.”

She had me there and I should have taken it, but I didn’t like feeling obligated. I wasn’t going to call her so it was most likely better for me just to tell her the truth. She was the one that had seduced me. I was just there for the fall down.

“I am not really going to call you Maggie. You are nice, cute face and all, but what I am looking for is a little different.”

I could tell that it wasn’t what she wanted to hear and for a moment I worried that she was going to start crying. I couldn’t stand the sight of a woman that was upset, but I ignored the urge to comfort her and I just kind of ignored all of the thoughts that were running through my head.

“Look, I had a great time last night Maggie.”

She looked at me with a little hope that maybe I would change my mind. I didn’t want to though and even though everything I said about her was true, the fact of the matter was that I knew at the end of the day I would never see her again. If I did, it would be a random run-in and it would be awkward.

“Do you want me to take you home?”

Maggie wasn’t ready for the switch of conversations and she just stared at me blankly with her blue eyes. Would it have been different if they were twinkling green like Carol’s? I could still see them in my mind’s eye and I knew that if she would have looked more like Carol, maybe I would have been willing to call her back and to have something more to do with her. But she wasn’t and I didn’t feel any obligation to her.

“No, I think that I have taken up enough of your time.”

I didn’t blame her for being mad and I waited for her to leave before I took a deep breath. I needed to get dressed and go down to see Carlos. He had promised me a job. It wasn’t the money that I needed, but time away from the city and everything about it. I just needed a change. I wasn’t sure for how long, but anything to get me out of here was going to be great. I had to get out of here before I drove myself crazy.

***

“So what do you have for me?”

“I need you to take a road trip for me, take a car down south.”

My ears perked up with the direction, but I tried my best to not let out anymore emotions. He was sick of hearing about Carol too.

“Okay. So what is the car for?”

“I am selling it.”

“Anything extra that I should know about that needs to be delivered?”

Carlos shrugged and nodded his head. “You know we might as well make a trip of it, right?”

I shook my head and agreed. I had a feeling that it was all about the extra cargo and not the car at all. That meant that there was no telling what kind of car it was going to be. My luck it would be some beater that I would have to drive at night because it wasn’t even road worthy. It wouldn’t be the first time that I had to hump a stash in a trashy car. They thought that it made it look less conspicuous, I always thought that it just made it harder to get there on time.

“I got it Carlos. Just tell me where and I will leave today.”

“That ready to go huh?”

I told him that I was ready to get out of Chicago for a while. I was sick of the same sights and I needed something new to get my mind off of everything. Anywhere but here would be good right now.

“I haven’t even told you where you are going yet.”

“It doesn’t matter. I need to get out of here, so anywhere is good.”

Carlos cocked his head to one side, trying to figure out my dilemma. I wasn’t going to say anything, Craig was the exception and the drinking hadn’t helped when it came to loosening my lips. Carlos was different. He was my boss and I didn’t want to look weak in front of him.

“I think you are going to like this place that I am sending you to David.”

He was messing with me, dangling something in my face and I wasn’t sure what it was. What did he have that was so good to give him a grin like that?

“I need you to go down to New Orleans David. Do you think that you can handle it?”

I wasn’t sure that I heard him right, but I was definitely ready to take that road trip. I wouldn’t have to call a number that never got answered anymore. I was more than determined to find Carol while I was down there and I had a feeling that was why Carlos had me going. He must have known that she was from there. I may have mentioned it a time or two, that or Joel was running his mouth to him about it.

“Sounds like a plan Carlos. I will get a bag together and I will leave in a little while.”

He grinned at me and I tried to ignore it, but it was impossible to. What in the world was he thinking?

“What?”

“Nothing, I just thought that you would be a little more excited about going there, that’s all. I mean, isn’t it where that chick is from that you never shut up about?”

He was playing dumb, but he knew. They all knew. When a guy like me started turning down tail, it was time to sit up and take notice.

“Yeah that is where Carol lives.”

“Well take your time coming back. I don’t need you for a while if you want to go and see the sights.”

I knew what he meant and I thanked him without ever saying the words. He was giving me a gift and I was going to take it. I hadn’t had time off in a while to get away when everyone else was in the city. There was a first time for everything after all, but this was new to me.

Leaving Carlos’ house, I was in a bit of a daze. Not sure what I was going to do about everything, I tried to imagine what Carol was going to say when she saw me. Would she remember me as much as I had remembered her? Would she even want to see me?

I hoped so and if not, I still remembered her weakness and I was not above using it to my advantage.