Joel

“Man, it has been a long time.”

“I still can’t believe you are here Carlos. What are you doing down here?”

Carlos looked around at all of the beautiful women passing by on the street. The bench was right outside the bar that we had lunch in. It was a hot day, but I was already getting used to the heat. Carlos didn’t seem to be as acclimated, but the scenery seemed to help him cope.

“I just wanted to come and visit. I needed a change.”

“How’s the wife?”

The look told me all that I needed to know. His new found paradise was short lived. I didn’t have the heart to ask anymore. I didn’t want to hear that him and Eve had called it quits. I liked the idea that maybe both of them would find love. I don’t know why I liked the idea of it so much, but I did. It gave me the hope that maybe I had a chance to find real love too. Their love had seemed so real.

“So are you seeing anyone? I know that there are a lot of hot women around here to choose from.”

I thought of Cameron, but there was no way that she would consider us together. I still did in my mind, even though I knew that I had no claims to her. All I really wanted to do was talk to her, but she had made sure that there hadn’t been a word spoken between us in a long time. I had no choice but to go with what she wanted. It was hard and talking about it certainly wasn’t going to help. What was going to help was focusing on someone else’s problems instead of my own. I didn’t want to tell my cousin that I loved her and her name was Cameron.

“There is this one chick…”

Carlos shook his head and smiled at me. “Man, there is always this one chick. That is the story of my life. “

“Is that why you and Eve aren’t together anymore?”

“No, we are still together.”

“Does she know that?”

He kind of grinned at me and then he just shook his head. “Yes. We are just fighting a little bit. That is perfectly normal from what I hear. I don’t know.”

“So why are you here then Carlos?”

“I don’t know. I wanted to see you and ever since I found out she was pregnant, my head is twisted. I don’t know if I am ready to have a kid. I mean, what if I really fuck everything up?”

I thought about his father and how Carlos used to be a long time ago. I still thought about him as a kid when he was so adamant about not being who he turned into for so long. His father was a womanizer and had devastated his mother and him when he was younger. I didn’t want to tell him the resemblance. I didn’t think he would forgive me for it, so I kept that to myself. I really hoped that Eve would pull him from his ways.

“You are going to do fine Carlos. I think everyone kind of freaks out when it comes to kids and all of that. It is natural to be freaked out. You just have to not worry about it. Everything works itself out.”

He smiled and sighed as he closed his eyes for a moment. “See, this is what I needed. I knew that you would have the right thing to say to me. I just am freaking out. I know it’s all in my head, but I’m too young for all of this.”

“Just don’t mess it up trying to pretend you are something you are not. Don’t mess it up with Eve. You will regret it.”

Carlos made a sound and I watched a small dog run his owner around the small park across the street.

“So what about this girl, Joel? Are you going to tell me about her or introduce us? I want to know what you have hooked down here with all that I taught you.”

I paused and my mind shifted to the only woman that I could think of anymore. I wanted to tell him about her, but then I realized almost at the same time that I really didn’t have much to say. It was just one kiss and after I beat up her co-worker for pretty much no reason, there was no going back. I hadn’t seen her since.

“Come on Joel, don’t keep me waiting.”

“Well I fucked things up with her, what can I say?”

“Did you do what I told you to do?”

I shook my head that I hadn’t and he looked at me as if I was the last idiot on earth. “If you didn’t do what I told you Joel, what happened? Did you get all emotional?”

I hated the question or more than that, I hated the fact that my cousin knew me so well that even he knew that I was going to fuck it all up. I wished that he was wrong. I looked away and it was a dead giveaway of what I was thinking about.

“Come on Joel, I told you that chicks do not dig the emotions. The only emotions that we are supposed to feel is anger. They dig that broody type.”

“That was what happened. I ended up getting into a fight with someone that I wasn’t supposed to and I think I ruined it.”

Carlos just nodded like he understood. “If you lost it like that, she will be back. All women like that.”

“Not Cameron.”

“Ah, so she has a name now.”

I stopped when I realized that I had just given him what he wanted. I should have known that Carlos was pumping information out of me.

“So where does she live?”

Turning towards him, I got up and asked him if he wanted to walk with me a while. It helped me think and got me off of the bench. I didn’t want to tell Carlos the truth. The truth was that she was so close, but still so far away.

“She lives above me at the complex.”

“How convenient. I told you that convenience always wins out. If all you have to do is go upstairs for some nookie that is perfect. It will be a lot easier than a girl that lives across town. You just need to go over there and lay it down. If you can make a girl come enough, she isn’t going to go anywhere. This I promise you.”

He was probably right, always was, but I couldn’t admit that I hadn’t even gotten that far. I wanted to, more than anything. There was something holding me back and I wished again that I had his confidence. The apartment building came into sight and I tried to get him to drop it. The last thing I needed was for Cameron to over hear us or for Carlos to see her. If he did, then he would know who she was and what she meant to me.

“So where is she?”

Carlos had been quiet for so long, but that had passed now and he was back on target.

“I think she is at work or something like that.”

“Oh.”

He was suspicious and I didn’t blame him. It didn’t mean that I was going to do anything that would help him figure it all out. Instead of trying to answer, I pulled the key out so that the door would be opened sooner. When I saw Cameron coming down the stairs, I realized that I had the same bad luck that I had always had.

He looked from Cameron and then to me, blurting out the first thing that came to his mind. “So you are the one that I have heard so much about?”

I looked to Cameron to see her expression and I could see that she didn’t like the comment. I didn’t either, but there was nothing that I could do about it. Carlos was a man that would say what he wanted and didn’t care what I said about it. He was going to blab it out anyways. Why had I told him about her?

“Cameron, right?”