Fran

The drive back to Louisiana was one of the longest in my life. I knew what I was going home to and I didn’t want to be there. I was going because I didn’t have a choice and I didn’t want anything to happen to Steph. I knew Cass too well to think that he wouldn’t do anything. He was a man of his word and that is what I had to hold onto. If he was, then he would give me the time that he said and he wouldn’t touch Steph. I wished that I had more time, maybe I could come up with a plan, but at the end of the day, I just wanted to make sure that she was okay. I didn’t need any more on my hands.

My mind wandered to Lucas more than once. I was worried that Lucas had killed him. I was almost sure that he had. Cass thought he had killed him and he wasn’t usually wrong. I didn’t know him well, but he was a nice guy, nicer guy than what I was used to. I was sure that he didn’t deserve it. How was I going to ever make up for that? The only thing I could think to do was try to do something with Cass. Maybe I could make him happy and he would stop hurting people, well at least in my name. I didn’t even imagine a world where Cass was a nice guy, but at least it wouldn’t be because of me.

The road was long and it was daylight when I finally hit the state line. I still had a ways to go, but I was getting there. Now I just had to meet him at Steph’s house and everything would be okay. This is what I told myself anyways, what I had to tell myself or I was going to lose it. I couldn’t think about any alternative. I just couldn’t.

I saw my exit coming up and the clenching in my chest was getting worst. If I wasn’t so young, I would have thought I was having a heart attack, but it wasn’t that, I was sure it was just anxiety. How else was I supposed to feel? Cass was a scary man and since I was the one that had gotten him into this mess, I was sure that he had nothing but hate for me at the moment. That was not a scenario that I wanted to be in, but it was one that I didn’t have a choice about. There was nothing I could do but what he asked of me. Caspien was definitely the man in charge and that was a frightening prospect. The man that I had once loved was going to show his true colors and that absolutely terrified me. I had seen him mad before and it was not a pretty picture.

So when I got in front of Stephanie’s house, I won’t say that I didn’t have an urge to just run. I didn’t want to pay whatever price he was going to think I owed. I just didn’t want to, but I had to. Why did he have to go to Steph? Why did Cass have to be this way?

“Are you going to get out of the car or are you going to sit there staring up at the apartment all day?”

Cass had a smile on his lips and I had to say that it wasn’t good to see him at all. He was standing on the balcony and he might as well have been waving to me. It was just not right the way he was acting. He was acting like everything was okay, but it just wasn’t. I was starting to wonder if it was ever going to be okay again.

“Come on Fran. Steph is in here waiting for you. We have been waiting long enough for you to show up.”

“Just let her go Cass and I will come up.”

He made a sound that told me he was not happy with the new set of plans. He didn’t want to give up what he had over me, not until I was where he could reach me and he knew I wouldn’t be able to get away.

“I will tell you what Fran, you get your ass up here right now or I am going to throw her down to you.”

“You don’t have to threaten me Cass, I am here. I am doing what you say. You are in control, you always are.”

That got a smile out of him and whether it was necessary or not, I was quick to do what he said because of it. He always did have a way of getting what he wanted out of people, out of me.

I locked the car out of habit more than anything else. I didn’t really care if someone took my car. I had a feeling that I wasn’t going to need it anymore. All I could feel was a sense of doom in my stomach. This was not going to end well.

Making my way upstairs, I tried to settle myself. I didn’t want Cass to know that I was scared. He liked to think that I was as tough as he was, but the problem was that I cared. Where he could do all of these things with a clear conscious, I had gotten out of that kind of life because of it. I was still with him, but I had gotten to where I wouldn’t do the crimes that he asked of me. I would no longer be the driver for him. Now, there was no telling what he was going to want me to do.

“Come on in Fran, we have been waiting for you.”

He was too cheerful and I didn’t see Stephanie around. “Where is she?”

“She is lying down. She tried to stay up, but it was a long night.”

I hoped that he was being serious, but I really just didn’t know with him. All I knew is that I was here and he was the man with a plan.

“If she is here, let me see her and we will go. I know that you don’t want to be here. This is only a couple of miles from the house.”

“This place is fine. The beds are a lot better here than they are at the hideout. Remember when we did that robbery near Folsum and we had to stay up there for a week?”

The time that he was thinking about fondly, was not at all how I had remembered it. It had been one of the first times that I had did some work with him and it was the time that we were sure we had been caught. The cameras had gotten us on film, but somehow we had gotten out of it. Cass had talked to a few people, one being his lawyer and we were able to go home. I didn’t know what happened, but Cass did have a way of making all of his problems disappeared. I just had to make sure that he didn’t see me as one as well.

“Come on Cass. Let’s get out of here. I don’t want repeat of last time.” Last time the cops had come and I had thought for sure that I was going to get shot.

“Have it your way Fran. Go check on your friend and meet me downstairs in the car. I don’t want to be left waiting anymore. This is going to happen, so just make peace with it. I told you a long time ago that you were mine and you always would be. I meant it.”

***

The ride to the swamp was almost as bad as the one back home. Cass was sitting next to me now and he was the one behind the wheel. I should have known that I was going to have to do something to make him happy, but Cass didn’t ask for that. I was waiting for him to demand me please him in some way, but he didn’t even ask. It was the longest time that we had ever been together and sex was not expected. It made me even more nervous, because if he didn’t want me in that way, I had a feeling that I was going to be worth absolutely nothing to him.

When we got there, it wasn’t the same as it had been the last time we had went. The last time I had come with him I was a little bit scared about the robbery and what I had done, but now there was no nervous excitement. I had loved the man more than I could describe in words, now I knew what he was going to do to me. I didn’t know how or really even why, but I did know what the outcome was going to be. But if I hadn’t, it would have been another person that was hurt by me. I wasn’t going to let that happen. I just had to accept what was going to happen next.

“Come on Fran. Why are you acting like you don’t want to get out of the car?”

Because I don’t. I really don’t. It was going to be the last time that I drove in a car and right then I knew that that damn swamp shack was the very last I was likely to see. I didn’t know how Caspien was going to play this, but the fact of the matter was that he was going to get rid of me, permanently.

“It’s not that Cass. It has just been a long day. The trip here is never a good one.” I had a feeling my day was going to get longer.

“If you wouldn’t have called the cops Fran, none of this would have happened.”

I couldn’t believe that he was actually trying to reason with me. It wasn’t my fault that he had lost it and started shooting at the cops. That was a given. But what wasn’t a given is how it was my fault. I don’t get how something done there had anything to do with me. I called the cops because he was high and I was afraid he would get violent. Just because it wasn’t with me, didn’t mean that I didn’t have every right to do what I did. I wasn’t going to apologize for it.

“I thought you were going to kill me Cass. You know I am not a cop caller, but I didn’t want to die. That is all it was. I wasn’t trying to hurt you or get you in trouble. I just wanted you to stop. When you get like that, there is no talking to you.”

I was going to try to reason with him, but the smile on his face told me that I was just wasting my time.

“You know better Fran. You knew what would happen if you called them.”

I knew that something was going to happen, but I wouldn’t have guessed that he was going to do what he did. How would I have known that instead of calming his ass down, he would go after the police? I mean really, who does that?

“I am sorry Cass. You didn’t have to threaten me. I was going to come back. I was just going to give you time to chill out and not be so mad. You know that you are scary when you are mad. I have known you a long time Cass. We have been through a lot together. I know you and I knew that you needed time.”

“You gave me time all right Fran. You gave me a long time when you didn’t even come and see me.”

He was still on that, but I didn’t know what to say. I would have thought that he would get it. He wasn’t dense, but there was something not connecting in his mind. It worried me that he was stuck on all of that. I hadn’t gone to see him because of the look in his eyes that he had right now. I knew I was doomed, I just knew it.

“I said I am sorry Caspien. What more do you want from me?”

It was a question that he wasn’t prepared for and for a moment I would have thought that he legitimately didn’t know what he wanted. Cass had a look in his eyes that told me whatever it was it wasn’t going to be good. That was all that I knew.

“I want you to feel how I felt Fran.”

“You already hurt Lucas, what more do you want?”

“Lucas was just touching on the wrong girl. That had nothing to do with you. It had to do with me and him. I am not worried about what you think about that. Lucas was necessary and you should learn to stay away from people if you care about them.”

As he said the words, he was making himself mad. He didn’t like the idea of me with anyone else, but he didn’t seem to want to be around me either. The man was full of contradictions that wouldn’t have bothered me. Except that he was mad and all of that anger was directed at me. It was a lot to take.

“Please Cass, you have to understand. It wasn’t like you are making it sound. I did what I thought I had to do. You were out of control. It wasn’t you. It was the drugs. I know that, but that doesn’t change the fact that I know you will hurt me when you are like that.”

“I will hurt you sober too. I think you know that as well Fran.”

His reminder didn’t put a smile on my face, far from it. I wanted to yell at him and tell him that he was just being crazy, but that didn’t seem to be a good idea. Not when he was so convinced that it was all my fault. Cass never wanted to take any blame and this was a situation that was no different. The price was going to be different, but Cass not wanting to cop to anything that he does was just another day for him.

“Well then do it. I am not going to be able to stop you Cass. I never was. You were always stronger and you just don’t care.”

“I thought that was what you liked about me.”

“It was, but I wanted you to care about me. When you started doing that Cass, I was just like all of the rest of the people. I have to move on and I know that you aren’t going to let me, so you just do what you have to do.”

He shook his head and hissed at me. I was sitting down by the window and I looked outside at the swamp around me. There was nowhere to go. This was going to be the last place I seen and this view may be my last. In my mind, it was already happening and there was nothing that I could do about it. There really wasn’t.

“You disappoint me Fran. I always thought I would get more out of you then this. You were a ride or die kind of girl, now look at you.”

“All the time with you did this. I should have left a long time ago.”

Now he was laughing and his dark eyes had darkened even further and I was worried. I was worried about what was going to happen next. I had asked for it and now I was going to get it. Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut to give myself more time.