Eve

It had been a week since I had went out with Joel and ended up in Carlos’ bed. I still wasn’t sure how that happened and the more I thought about it, the more embarrassed I became. I still wasn’t sure how I had gotten into Carlos’ bed and the thought that he could have done anything still stayed with me. He didn’t, I knew that, but it could have happened and the thought bothered me immensely.

Joel had called a couple of times, but I had been ignoring his calls. I didn’t know what to say to him. He had been drunk as well, so it wasn’t like he had done anything wrong. It was what I had done that bothered me so much. Here I was supposed to be going out to meet new friends and instead I just got drunk around a bunch of strangers. It wasn’t a good idea in any stretch of the imagination and being in the city at a biker bar just made it worse. I was starting to think that maybe I wasn’t ready to be here. If I was going to make choices like that, maybe I should move back home and pack it in now. The big city might just be a little too much for me.

It was about how I felt about Carlos. I knew that he wanted me. It was clear and I was under no false pretense of what it was that he wanted. The problem was that I wanted him as well and I knew what would happen if I was with that kind of man. I had been warned for years about men like him. They were the type that you stay away from if you want to keep your heart intact. I wanted to keep mine whole, so even though I had promised a dinner, I wasn’t going to call and invite him over anytime soon. It was for my own good.

That was hard to do though when the man kept popping by. It was the third time this week that he had. Twice it was rather late so it was easier to ignore the sound, but once it was right after he woke up that he had come by. I had heard him hollering through the door, telling me that he knew I was there. It was awkward to say the least. He knew that I was avoiding him.

The strange thing was that I wanted to answer the door, knowing what it would be, but I just couldn’t. When I heard him starting to get up that morning, I knew that he was on his way down. I could hear everything from upstairs and I could hear him moving down the stairs.

I hadn’t been able to write since I had woken up from a disturbing dream earlier. It was about him, they all were nowadays and the more I tried to push him from my mind, the harder it was to. He was taking over my mind and it wasn’t a good thing.

The knock was hard and I knew it was because I hadn’t answer so many times before. It made me jump and instead of just staring at the wood as if it was going to come at me, I moved towards the door.

“Just a second.”

“About time you answered the door Eve. I was starting to think that you were going to ignore me forever.”

“Sorry about that. I haven’t been feeling very good lately. I don’t know what is wrong with me.”

“If I didn’t know any better Eve, I would say that you were trying to avoid me.”

I shook my head like what he said was wrong, but I think we both knew that it wasn’t. I was trying hard to stay away from him because I was afraid of him. I was afraid of what I would feel and then how badly he would hurt me when he was done with me. That was what I thought about and that was a pretty good reason to avoid him as far as I was concerned. Who really wanted to walk into the face of a storm?

“It’s not that. I just, I don’t know, haven’t been feeling all that well. I think it is just the change of season and all.”

He nodded his head slowly with a grin on his face. God, he was handsome and he knew it. That was the biggest problem. Carlos knew that he was gorgeous and by the way the woman upstairs screamed, I was pretty sure that he knew how to make a woman feel good too.

Shaking my head, I asked him what I could do for him. I needed to get the naughty thoughts out of my mind. It was literally all I had been thinking about lately.

“I was going to see if you wanted to go out and get a bite to eat for lunch. I know that you offered to make me dinner, but I don’t see that happening anytime soon.”

I blushed and had the decency to feel bad. I had said that I would make him dinner as he had saved me, as well as made me breakfast. Before I could agree or disagree, Carlos moved into the apartment and I was left to move back so that he could come in.

“Come on, you have to be hungry.”

I was and it was at that moment that my stomach wanted to growl, like it knew that we were talking about food.

“I could eat. Um, well let me get dressed and I will be right out.”

Carlos looked at my clothes and told me that I looked fine. I didn’t see what he saw. I looked a mess, a state that I seemed to be in all of the time when I saw him.

“Yeah, not really. Just give me a minute and I will be right back out.”

He agreed, but his eyes didn’t leave mine. My shorts were too short for his attention and the camisole that I was wearing didn’t feel like it was covering me very well. I felt vulnerable and the longer that he looked at me in that way, the worse it got.

“Yeah, okay, I will be right back.” The smile on my face was not something that I could change. Why did I get so happy and giddy when I was around him? It really just didn’t make any sense to me.

I moved to my bedroom and shut the door behind me. There was a moment that I was urged to lock it, but then I stopped. Did I really want him to come in? Moving away with the door unlocked, I decided then that I did. I really wanted Carlos, even though he was going to be bad for my heart. It wasn’t my heart I was thinking of at the time, but something else that I was almost positive that he would be good for.