Joel

There was a loud racket in the hallway that pulled me from my sleep. I hadn’t gotten to bed till a little while ago and I was exhausted. It seemed like everything in the building was breaking and I was the one that everyone called. It was my job of course, but at the moment I was wishing that I hadn’t even came to Louisiana. It was all a mess and there was no way that it was going to get better. I just couldn’t see how it was going to. The easy job and life that I had envisioned was not at all what it seemed.

When I got out to the hallway, I just had a pair of boxers on. I didn’t know where my pants were and there was no way  that I was going to go searching in the dark for them while it sounded like someone was trying to pull the door down.

Seeing who it was, I stopped and sort of smiled to myself. “Well it seems like this is becoming a familiar sight, me on this side and you on that side.”

Cameron looked up at me with a dirty look on her face and I could tell that like before, she had had a little too much to drink.

“Just let me in Joel. I just want to get in and get to bed.”

“Why haven’t you been answering the door?”

“Because I don’t want to talk to you. After today, I definitely have nothing to say to you. I don’t even want to look at you.”

What had happened today to make her so mad at me? This was not because of the fight, it couldn’t be. That was quite some time ago and I was sure that she had gotten over it by now.

“Who the hell is making all of that damn noise!?”

Carlos came out of the apartment and looked at the two of us and just shook his head. He was going to say something smart, I could see it on his lips, but instead he just walked back in and shut the door a little louder than he should have.

“Let me in Joel.”

“No, not until you talk to me.” I was going to hold her ransom if I had to.

“Joel, this is ridiculous. Let me in!”

She was getting more and more irritated, but the fact of the matter was that I had her right where I wanted her. She wasn’t going to be able to leave me and ignore me now. Now she was going to have to talk to me and that was what I wanted. I wasn’t going to let her in until she heard me out and forgave me. That was the plan.

“Why won’t you accept my apology about it? I said I was sorry. Why isn’t that enough?”

“Because you ruined my life Joel, that is why.”

I didn’t consider that answer and I was sure that she was just being dramatic. It was one little fight. I had been in far worse many times before and nothing bad ever happened. It was what men did and a few bruises and a cut lip wasn’t enough for all of that to have happened.

“What are you talking about? I thought he was just some guy that worked with you?”

“He is a guy that is suing the company I work for and is the reason that I got fired today.”

The words were like a blow and even though she was quite a bit drunk, I could tell that she was angry. There were no more games to play. I had messed up and if the look on her face was any indication, there was no way that she was going to forgive me. I had ruined it. That was something that I was familiar with because I seemed to do it more often than not. What the hell was wrong with me?

I moved to open the door and though I thought she was paying attention, Cameron had her weight on the clear door and she fell in when I opened it for her. Catching her in my arms, I couldn’t help but wonder if it would be the last time that I felt her like this.

She didn’t immediately push me away, so I took the opportunity to hold her close to me. I wanted to kiss her and tell her that I was sorry, but I knew that it wasn’t wanted. My plans of having Cameron were gone. I had ruined her life and all because I’d gotten jealous. She wasn’t even mine and I was still jealous of anyone that got to see her and be around her. I wanted her to just be mine and only mine.

“I’m sorry Cameron.”

Her response was one that was unintelligible and as she tried to make her way up the stairs, it seemed she was having more trouble than before. “How did you even get home like this?”

She giggled and told me that she had her ways. Cameron’s blue eyes were glazed and she stopped to look at me. “I loved you, you know that?”

I shook my head that I didn’t know, at the same time my heart was soaring in my chest. I knew that it wasn’t something that she would have said when she was sober, but that didn’t matter. Alcohol had a way of getting the truth out, whether the person wanted it to come out or not. I saw it as a window into her mind. That is what I had to do or I was going to go crazy with the idea that she didn’t want me. If she did, even the tiniest bit at least meant that there was a chance and that was something that I was willing to hold onto.

“Do you want me to help you up the stairs?”

Cameron nodded that she didn’t. “I can do this myself. I don’t need your help.”

No sooner had she said it, Cameron stumbled. I couldn’t with a good conscious just let her go up the stairs and hurt herself. It didn’t have to do with the fact of who she was. I would do it for anyone, though I wasn’t sure if I would hold any other tenant in my arms the same way. She was cradled up against my chest and her face snuggled in while her arms looped around my neck. It was intimate and her body touched almost every bit of mine.

I got her up to the stairs, but this time Cameron wasn’t fighting me. She wasn’t even trying to get down. Instead of acting like she did last time, this time she just held on and handed me her keys with one hand.

I took that as she wanted me to open the door for her, which was no small feat with her clinging to me the way that she was. I wanted to help her, but there was another part of me that dreaded the temptation of that help. What if I was unable to stop myself from doing something that I was going to regret? She was drunk and by the looks of things, a lot more agreeable than she usually was. I wanted to take advantage of that, even though I knew that it was wrong.

Telling myself that I was going to get her into bed safely and leave, I opened the door before I changed my mind. She was just too much temptation and it was hard for me to say no, especially when I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to say no to her. I wanted her badly and I knew that the only way it was going to happen, was the right way. I was just going to have to convince her that I wasn’t the bad guy that she thought I was. Waiting till she was sober was going to be a challenge.

“Take me to the bedroom Joel. I don’t think I can walk with the room spinning the way it is.”

The room wasn’t spinning, but I could tell that it felt that way to her. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to help her, but it was going to be hard to ignore the desire in her eyes. The bedroom was the last place I wanted to be with her at the moment when she was like this.

I did as she asked though. It didn’t matter that my insides were shaking and I was rock-hard with need. I was going to have to hold it together. She was drunk. I kept repeating that to myself, over and over again. It was hard to understand what was going on in her mind, but when she pulled me down with her on the bed, I groaned out with the feel of her squirming body underneath me.

“Come on Joel, I know that this is what you want.”

It was what I wanted, but I knew that it wasn’t right. She pulled me down for a kiss and I could taste the rum in her mouth. She tasted like drunken perfection. I pulled away after a moment, the sentence still repeating in my head. She was drunk.

“I can’t do this Cameron, not right now. Not when you are like this.”

I turned to walk away before my last bit of strength was gone. She didn’t know what she was doing to me, but Cameron was driving me insane. Ever since I had met her, it had been only strong emotions and this was one that was harder than ever to handle.

“Where are you going?”

“I am going back home. You need to get some sleep.”

She reached out to me and told me not to go in the smallest voice that I could imagine. God, she sounded vulnerable and the way she said it made me fill with more need. It was painfully hard and I couldn’t stay. I just couldn’t.

“Please Joel. Don’t leave me.”

What could I do but give her what she wanted? The way her voice was so tiny and the look in her eyes was enough for me to turn around and change my mind. She was still too drunk to be with, but it was just being held that she wanted. Although it was going to be the longest night of my life, I cherished the way she felt in my arms as she drifted off to sleep. I lay in bed for the longest time watching the ceiling fan spin overhead.

What was I going to do with her? She had crawled into my heart and now I knew that there was no getting rid of her. I was stuck with her and she was going to be stuck with me. Cameron was going to be mine, even if it is the very last thing that I did. As I watched her sleep, my need for her grew in all new ways. She was the woman I had been waiting for.