Angela

My heart was pounding in my chest. I hadn’t gone to Marcus’ house thinking that anything would happen. I was worried about him because he hadn’t been home and I just wanted to make sure he was okay. I shouldn’t have, had no right to, but I wanted to more than anything. What I had found was not at all what I had expected to find. I had expected to see that he was fine and that I was just being silly. I had not expected him to be hurt in such a way and I certainly wasn’t ready for all of the questions that he had.

What would be the point of all of those questions now? All of these years later?

The answer was that it wouldn’t help or change anything. What had happened had happened and no amount of anything was going to change that. No matter what I did or explained, he would never understand and until now, I didn’t think he would actually care enough anyways. I was wrong about so many things and I had to wonder if I was wrong about him.

He had always been a man that got in trouble and broke all of the rules, but when it had come to me, he had been sweet and thoughtful. That was the man that I missed and that part of Marcus hadn’t changed. I was comforted by that thought and I liked the idea of it. It didn’t make life easier, but once I had figured out who my neighbor was, I knew that it wouldn’t be simple going forward.

I had promised to come back later to check on him and I was already dreading it. What if he pushed on the answers that he asked? What if he made me answer him? What would I say? Could I really tell him the truth? The secret had been hidden for so long that I wasn’t sure if it should ever see the light of day or not. I certainly didn’t want it to, but I owed him that. If he was telling the truth and my absence really bothered him that much, didn’t I owe it to him to say something? Didn’t I owe it to myself to get out from under the weight that I had been carrying about it for so long?

Occupying myself wasn’t that hard to do. I did have a lot to work on and the house was not at all how I would have liked it to have been. I had to find a place for everything and with work hectic and exhausting, I had been coming home too often and just zoning out instead of taking care of business. Now that I was trying to turn my mind off, it was rather easy to get the house put back together. When it was all done, it was around dinner time and I started to make something to take over to Marcus’. I didn’t even consider that his girlfriend would be over. It was her place after all, but to me he was hurt and I should take care of him. The feeling was as natural as breathing.

I changed my clothes and though I told myself that I was just being a good neighbor and friend, I knew that there was more to it than that. If that was all there was to it, I don’t think I would have been so concerned with what it was that I wore. I wouldn’t have picked out one of the shorter dresses that I saved for going out, as well as swiped a little makeup on my face. The truth was that I wanted Marcus to see me as he had before. He had told me that I was hot and I wanted him to still feel the same way off of his meds.

I pulled my long, brown hair back a little bit to get it out of my eyes, but I didn’t pull it up. Marcus had always liked it long and I was glad that I hadn’t cut it. Late at night while I would lay on his chest, Marcus would stroke my hair. I missed that and even though tonight wasn’t going to go that way, it was about the only thing that I could think about. What would it be like to be in his arms again?

The lasagna was done and I knew that it was close enough to pizza that he would like it. Marcus hadn’t changed that much, not in his appetite and his seeming draw to all things dangerous. But some things had changed. He was thicker and harder than he used to be. He had the same blondish red hairs on his chest, but now the muscles were larger and the skin more taut than they used to be. He was much more man than I remembered.

The thought didn’t help my steps go any faster across the street. The heels clicked and echoed on the pavement. Right before I got to his door, someone came out from next door and waved.

“Are you here to see Marcus?”

I told him that I was. “Are you the new one?”

I didn’t quite know what he meant, but I knew that I wasn’t new or the one. “I am just an old friend. He isn’t feeling very good.”

The dark-haired man nodded and went to his car. He smiled at me so at least he was friendly. I was going to have to introduce myself eventually. All I had been worried about was Marcus and all of the old rushing feelings that were coming back. I wasn’t the new one, I was the old one and I hated to admit how much I wanted that to change. In the course of an hour or two, I was back to feeling the same way about Marcus as I had felt when I left.

Knocking on the door, I looked over at the dark man that had talked to me before. He was gazing back my way. It wasn’t out of lust or anything like that, he was just curious. I made a mental note that I would talk to him later when things settled down and I wasn’t dressed liked this. I was dressed like I was going on a date.

There was no answer and after a minute I tried the knob to see if the door was locked. Like before, it was easy to open and I called out his name gently. I didn’t want to wake him up if he had managed to get some sleep after all. He looked like he needed it.

So I crept in and didn’t hear anything but something further back in the house. The sound wasn’t very clear, but it was constant. Only when I got to the back and heard the shower turning off that I realized what it was Marcus was doing. I was still standing there with the dish in my hands when he came out.

Marcus had never been one to change in the bathroom. As long as I knew him, he would run into the bedroom freezing and get dressed in there. That hadn’t changed, but he didn’t even have a towel around his waist. The speed at which he left was different as well. It wasn’t because of me that he was going so slowly. He didn’t see me until Marcus was a little too close and right in front of me in the hallway. He jumped a little. “Damn it Angie. You scared the crap out of me.”

His words couldn’t penetrate what my eyes were seeing. He was so naked and so hard. The longer I stared at him, the harder the rest of him got from the attention. It seemed as though even a shot in the side couldn’t stop the need that he would make me feel for him. I felt it to and even though I didn’t want to feel it, it was impossible not to.

“I knocked…”

I couldn’t take my eyes off of him and I should have. Every ounce of decorum told me that I was supposed to, but it had been so long. I was taking in all of the differences. He had several more scars and the bandage was gone so that I could see the new wound. It looked worse than he had made it out to be. It was red and it looked like it was starting to get infected.

“Yeah, I see you there. I didn’t think you would be by till later. I knew you would be though Angie, only person I ever knew that kept her word, even when she didn’t want to.”

He was speaking casually and even propped himself up against the wall. I thought he was just getting comfortable, but then it occurred to me that he was most likely doing it because standing up hurt. He was leaning towards the side that was hurt and it looked like he was trying to get his weight off of it.

“Let me get out of your way. Can I help you?”

Marcus looked down and we both glanced at his hardness that was swinging between his legs. It was twitching like it wanted to move towards me. A long time ago I wouldn’t have been able to refuse him, but I liked to think that I had changed a little bit, that I had gotten better but I wasn’t really sure if that was the case or not.

“There are lots of things that you could help me with Angie. Are you offering?”

I shook my head that I wasn’t giving him an open invitation. “Well I am here to offer you some lasagna and I will rewrap that bandage if you like.”

Marcus shrugged and said that he would take what he could get. “I will get dressed and be out in a minute.”

“Okay, I will go set the table. Do you feel up to sitting there or we can eat in the bed if you want?”

“There were a lot of times that we would stay in bed. I think that one summer that was all we did. Your parents were out and mine didn’t care.”

I smiled at him. I remember all of those nights very well. It was the things that I thought about when I had another breakup and I wished for the simplicity that had come with just being together. I wanted it back and even though I knew it would never work out, just like it hadn’t so long ago, I still hoped that it would.

Getting the plates down, I set the table and poured us a couple of drinks. Whether he had a girlfriend or not, it didn’t seem like he did by the state of the place. If she was his girlfriend, she didn’t come by very much. Melissa should have been there for this kind of thing, not me.

“Angie?”

“Yeah?” I moved to the hallway so that I could hear him through his door.

“Can you help me please?”

I didn’t know what to expect when I opened the door, but it wasn’t this.