Carol

“Why are you telling me this Cameron?”

“Because I thought you would like to know that he was looking for you. Joel said he just got into town and there was only one name that he mentioned.”

“I don’t know why.”

My friend snorted at me and I was left to look down. I couldn’t meet her gaze. I wasn’t good at lying to her and this was one of the times that I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

“Come on Carol, I think half of the people at the wedding heard the two of you.”

I could feel my face getting hot and it was impossible to look her in the eyes. “You don’t have to say it like that.”

“Well then tell that to someone that doesn’t know what you two did. It was my wedding and I think I heard more about you and him getting it on, then I did about my dress. I had that flown in from Paris, but it is you two that I still get to hear about. Way to go with taking away all of my shine.”

“You know that I didn’t mean to.”

“Were you drunk?”

I would have liked to have said that I was, but I had been far too sober to blame it on that. I had done it because David was everything that I wasn’t looking for. There was a reason that I had picked a man like him. It wouldn’t matter when he left. It did of course, something transpired between us, but the fact of the matter was that we were too different to ever be much of anything.

“No, I wasn’t drunk. He had good game and it was hard to refuse him.”

“Well you did something to him. He is asking for you and you know he is staying in one of the apartments? He is right around the corner from you.”

It was not a conversation that I wanted to have. I didn’t want to see David. Things were going good now and I didn’t want to ruin it.

“I have Steve now. He is good for me.”

Cameron rolled her eyes. “He is not good for you. He is…. I don’t even know what he is, but I know that you are not happy.”

“I am.”

I didn’t sound very convincing and I didn’t blame her for not believing me. I didn’t even believe myself, though I tried to. Steve was the kind of guy that I was supposed to be with. He was the type of man that wanted to get married. We already talked about it, even though we had only been dating a couple of months. That was progress as far as I was concerned.

“Just because it worked out for you, doesn’t mean that I need that kind of guy. Besides, Joel is different. He isn’t really a bad boy. He is softer than most of them. David is just rough.”

Cameron smiled and didn’t say anything for a time. “There is a difference when it comes to Joel. There is a sweetness that had taken me off guard. That is what I had fallen in love with. He looks good in leather too.”

“Well David is no Joel.”

“I met him for a few minutes, he seemed nice enough. You didn’t seem to be too bothered by him at the wedding.”

I thought of what it was he had talked me into doing and while I was completely open to it, I wouldn’t have done it with a man like Steve. He would have never even thought to do something like that. He wouldn’t have gone along with it if I had wanted to. The two men were so different and part of me knew that was why I had picked Steve from work. He was quiet and polite, just the kind of man that I needed.

“He is a mess, trust me. I am going to stay as far away from him as I can. How long is he supposed to be in town?”

Cameron shrugged and told me that she didn’t know. He was supposed to be there doing work and I could just imagine what that actually meant. I hadn’t asked him at the wedding what he did because I knew I didn’t want to know the truth. Whatever it was, I am sure it was illegal.

“Well don’t give him my number and make sure Joel doesn’t either. Do whatever voodoo it is that you do on him, but I don’t want to see him. He is nothing but bad news and I don’t want to ruin a good thing.”

“Okay, I will, but do you really think that Steve is the one? You haven’t even had sex with him yet.”

“That is not by my decision. He is the one that wants to wait. I think that is going to change though. If not, I am going to change it.”

She giggled a little and I knew that she was thinking along the same lines that I was thinking. We had been dating long enough and if I had to go into full seduction mode, I was okay with that. All I knew for sure was that I didn’t want to wait anymore. The mere mention of David got me feeling a little hot and bothered. It also reminded me how long it had been since we were together. He was the last man I was with and it felt like that needed to change or it was going to mean something.

“Well you go girl. It is about time. Here I was thinking that you really cared about him and that was the reason that you were turning into a nun.”

“No, it is nothing like that. It is just a decision that I decided to make. I needed a break.”

“It has been a drought for you Carol. I don’t know how you aren’t crawling out of your skin.”

I didn’t mention that I was, instead I just gave her a noncommittal noise. I was crawling out of my skin. All I wanted was for Steve to really kiss me and touch me, but he always pulled away and got himself together. I was left in need, wondering if there was something wrong with me. It drove me absolutely crazy.

“I’m fine. It is not that big of a deal. You stop thinking about it after a while.”

“Uh huh.”

Her face told me that I was full of shit and once again, I didn’t blame her. It did matter and bringing up David wasn’t helping anything at all.

***

Getting home that evening, there was a part of me that wanted to call Caroline and get David’s number. I was sure that if I called her, I would get a hold of him and then I would feel better. He had known my body, manipulated it like it was his own and made me feel a way that I had never felt before. There was a strong possibility that I would never feel that way again and the idea of that bothered me.

I didn’t call her though. I wasn’t supposed to want David. It was obvious that he wasn’t the one for me. I am sure he was just trying to get laid. He was in town and he thought that I was easy. That was all it was. Then why did I want to see him so badly, knowing exactly what he was and what he wanted from me? Why was I so tempted to know that he was close?

I tried to ignore the thoughts of our time together. It was hot, hotter than I had ever experienced before and I couldn’t concentrate. I went to bed early that night and didn’t wake up thinking about him. I took that as a win and decided to continue in that manner for the rest of the day.

Around noon my thoughts were drifting and instead of feeding into the need that my body liked to remind me of, instead I called Steve to see if he wanted to go out tonight. We usually went out on Fridays and Sundays, but I didn’t care what day it was. It was time for us to take the relationship to the next level. I had to get David out of my mind and I wasn’t afraid to use Steve to help me.

“Hey Carol. I didn’t expect to hear from you. Are you off work early?”

“No, I am hiding in the bathroom so I could talk to you.”

“Classy.”

“Yeah I know.”

“So what is up?”

“I just miss you Steve.”

“I will see you on Friday.”

“I know, I just, I don’t want to wait till Friday. I know that you work late through the week, but I was hoping that maybe you would make an exception and we could see each other tonight?” There was desperation in my voice that I knew was easy to hear. I couldn’t help it though. I was in dire need.

There was a pause on the other side of the phone, but I didn’t really read into too much. I knew that he had a thing about going out during the week, but he was going to have to get over that. I needed him and he was going to have to get over the waiting thing too. If he wanted to be with me, I had needs as well and almost three months was long enough in my eyes.

“Okay Carol, if you can’t wait. Do you want to go get something for dinner when I get off?”

“Why don’t I make you something and you can come over here?”

Another hesitation before he agreed. I had to wonder what it was that he had to think about. We were together after all and it was only a logical step.

“Yeah that will be good. What are you making?”

I hadn’t really thought about it, so I just said the first thing that came to mind. He wasn’t as enthused as I would have hoped, so I suggested something else before he agreed. “Good Steve. I can’t wait to see you.”

“Are you sure everything is okay?”

“Yeah, why would you ask that?”

“I don’t know. You just don’t seem to really be acting like yourself.”

“No, I am good. I just miss you is all. I want to see my boyfriend.”

He told me that he wanted to see me as well, but I could tell that he knew. Something was up. I wasn’t going to deny it anymore. It was time to move on with Steve, so I could forget all about David.