Dante
“Are you sure you are okay?”
She was walking away and didn’t look okay at all. She actually looked like she was going to be sick. Had she really cared for Cliff that much? I hadn’t seen it that way, but it wouldn’t be the first time that I had really thought about it that way. I had always seen him as just a fling that would end and then I would be able to swoop in. I couldn’t swoop in if she had a look like that on her face. I wasn’t that callous because of my own needs. It would be easier if I was, but I wasn’t.
I looked around the barn and figured that I could do the last of it myself. I didn’t want to leave the horses out and I wasn’t going to go get anyone to help me. I certainly wasn’t going to ask Cece to do it. She wasn’t thinking about the barn or the horses. It was the first time I had seen her like this, but it was my fault and I felt guilty about it. Damn, I had not wanted to do that. I had not wanted to be the one to have to tell her.
The worst part was the sadness. I had hoped for anger. I had been amused and dumbfounded more than anything. Barb was a nice girl, pretty and willing to please, but there was no comparison in my eyes. There was never going to be any way that I would understand Cliff’s decision.
But I didn’t have to really worry about it. All I had to do was fix the barn and get the horses in. The rest was just going to have to play out itself. I would see her in the morning and hopefully it would all be taken care of.
It took a little while to finish up and get all of the horses in. It was far past midnight when I started towards the house. I heard yelling as I got closer and walked into a scene. Cliff was down at his truck and Cece was throwing things out of the window. Neither one of them saw me and I would have liked to have kept it that way. It looked like she had locked him out cause he tried the door and was handling it quite well on her own. I had seen Cecelia mad before, but I had never seen her quite this mad.
“Hey man, will you please talk to this chick? She has lost her mind and won’t let me come in.”
I was almost to the hand house and I wished more than anything that I had been unseen until I got there. I wanted to slip in and never have to speak of this again to anyone else.
“No Cliff, you are on your own.”
“Is that you Dante?”
She was calling down to me from her bedroom window and I was still in the shadows. I didn’t want to speak to either one of them, but I moved out into the moonlight so that she could see me.
“Yeah Cece, just got back from the barn. The horses are in and I am going to bed. Do you need anything?”
I left it open so that she could take it anyway that she wanted to. I was willing to grind the man’s face into the gravel if she so chose, but Cece was not that way. She didn’t need a man to pick up the pieces for her.
“No, I am good. Cliff was just leaving.”
She slammed the top window shut and after an awkward moment of silence I started to walk away. I didn’t want to be caught in the middle of any of that. I just didn’t. Cliff didn’t say anything else, just picked up the clothes strewn on the driveway and I made my way to bed. It had been an eventful day, one that I hadn’t seen coming. I wanted them to break up, that was the plan all along, but I hadn’t wanted it to go like this. This was just messy.
***
Sunlight brought clarity and I started to think of the ugly scene last night as something that was a good thing. It took care of Cliff, something that I wanted done anyways. But I wasn’t sure how Cece was going to be this morning. She hadn’t taken it well.
When I got into the kitchen, there were several people already there and one of them was Barb. I could tell she looked like she was going to run off at any moment, but it didn’t look like Cece was paying her much attention. Alice was cooking breakfast for everyone and Cece was too worried about the schedule and a few things on her calendar that needed attending to even say hello. I was surprised to see Barb there after the way Cecelia took care of Cliff. I half-expected her to fire Barb as well. It looked like Barb was waiting for the same fate.
But it never happened. Everyone had breakfast and Cece gave everyone their jobs for the day. Barb was one of the last to leave the kitchen, but I could tell that she was dying inside a little bit. When she finally left Cece had a smile on her face and I knew that it was because she was messing with the young girl. Better yet, it appeared that Cece had enjoyed it.
“I can’t believe you haven’t fired her yet.”
Cece shrugged. “Why should I? I need her and she did me a favor with Cliff. It is good to know the truth, you know?”
She was being far better about it than I was. There was no way that I would have been so cool about it. I didn’t think I would be able to see her every day after that. I don’t know why I didn’t really care, maybe I should, but I just didn’t. I never wanted her in that way. Barb was never permanent. It worried me that Cece had so much anger because to me it meant that she cared about Cliff more than I liked to think about. But how she was handling Barb was vastly different. Why was that?
“I guess, but man that is one hell of a reminder walking around every day.”
“You know Dante, I didn’t even think about it. Do you want me to fire her? Does it bother you that she is still around? I mean, you were the one that walked in on it and all. I will get rid of her if you want. I would rather lose Barb then you.”
I knew that it must have been hard for her to say such a thing, but I am glad that it was an option. “I don’t really care to be honest. It was never like I had much to do with her outside of a few brief moments a couple of times a week.”
Her face got a little red and I wasn’t sure from what. “Oh, well okay. Then it is settled. She will stay on at least until I find some more workers. I am still about two short, but we are going to be okay for now.”
“So what is on the agenda today?”
“The vet is coming down and doing shots and vaccinations. If you could oversee that, I would appreciate it. I want to make sure they are all ready for duty if need be. I am already getting a few calls from some networking that I did at the rodeo. At least that trip wasn’t a complete waste of time, although Cliff sure turned out to be that very thing.”
It was still too soon to put my opinion in. She was taking it well I thought and I didn’t want to say anything to change it. I had seen him for what he was as soon as I met him, but she had to learn on her own. As long as I didn’t see that sadness in her face again, I think I would be okay. We would get past this and hopefully this time it would make us grow closer.
“Anything else?”
“No Dante, that’s it. But thank you. I know that telling me must have been hard and I could tell you didn’t want to. It would have been worse if you would have gloated, but thank you for not. I don’t know if I would have been able to handle that so well. I know I made a mistake, so thanks for not saying, ‘I told you so.’”
I just shook my head like I understood. I almost had, but it would have done me no good to kick her while she was down. It was clear that she was bothered by the way everything turned out, but at the same time, it was also clear that she had really liked Cliff. It was going to take her time to move on from him, but at least now I had a chance. Maybe she would finally see that I am not like those other people. I was here for the long run with her. No matter how it went with others, if I ever had Cece in my arms, I was never going to let her go.
I left her in the kitchen and set about getting the horses pulled out that were getting shots today. Not all of them needed some and after I found the immunization folder, I made sure I had them all out and there before the vet got there. The old crotchety man was never the nicest guy to deal with, but it had to be done.
I wasn’t prepared for the cute little vet tech that came by instead. It was old Dr. Johnson anymore and it caught me off guard. Lisa was the new vet tech that was going to help the old doctor out and I had to admit that if she worked with me, she would be an easy mark. The problem was that I was changing and the old me always got me in trouble. It was not okay for me to flirt with her or what my body naturally wanted to do. I found that I wanted to keep my distance so that I would have a chance with Cece. Even though my body needed something more, I was going to wait as long as I could. I had to, for my own sanity.
So against all instinct, I ignored the doe-eyed look of Lisa and made it through the whole afternoon without getting myself in trouble. It was hard because I wasn’t used to denying myself, but it was worth it if it meant that I could have her soon. There was too much banking on the fact that she would be ready to move forward with another man. What if Cliff was the final straw for her and he had ruined it for everyone else? I had to push her to decide that she needed to move on and that moving on was with me.
That evening I ate dinner in the ranch house and I even stayed after to help her out with the dishes.
“Lisa was adorable. How old was she?”
“I don’t know. She was pretty young. Just got out of college from what I gathered.”
“I thought you would know more about her. You must be slipping.”
“She is too young. I am retired from that.”
“When did that happen?”
“I don’t know, I guess my priorities have changed.”
“Mine too. I don’t think I am going to worry about men anymore for a while. No offense, but you guys are nothing but trouble.”
“Not all of us Cece. You can’t hate us all because of one idiot.”
“No, I know that, but I don’t think I will be jumping off anything soon. I can’t deal with the idea of it all. I really thought Cliff was different.”
It was hard to hold my tongue. I was glad that she was able to talk to me about it, comfortable enough to do so, but there was a bigger part of me that wanted to shake her because she was just that wrong. How could she think this way?
“Sometimes you got to have a little faith Cece. It will all work out the way it is supposed to. You two weren’t meant to be together. He wasn’t good enough for you.”
She scoffed like I had said something funny. It wasn’t funny to think about it all.
“You are too sweet Dante.”
I moved closer and took the dish out of her hand and started to dry it. “I am not sweet at all Cece, you know that. I wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true. You are way better than him and you deserve to be happy, deliriously happy.”
The closeness was bothering her and I could tell it was when she moved back a little bit.
“Maybe I am not supposed to be happy. I keep thinking I have found ‘the one’ but it ends up just being another toad. I have been careful when I pick, but it doesn’t seem to matter.”
“You are just looking in the wrong direction Cece. I have known for a while that something is between us. Why don’t we see where it goes? You and me.”
“You and me?”
I nodded my head and pulled her closer to me before she could get something else in her hand to fiddle with. It seemed like she just wanted to stop talking about it, but I was in it and wanted to know what it all meant. I wanted her to tell me that she felt the same way, so at least I wouldn’t feel like it was all for nothing. I hadn’t waited all of this time, turned down several women because of something that was never going to happen. I don’t know if I could face it.
I moved my finger underneath her chin and kissed her on her lips. It was the first time that I had ever done it and there was a feeling that went through me. She felt so good leaned up against me, every soft inch pressed up against my hard chest. Nothing I could say would ever be able to change that. It just cemented the fact to myself that I had to have her.
I deepened the kiss, adding a little tongue and pulling her even closer. I was rock hard and I wanted her to feel how much I wanted her. I felt like she needed to know that if nothing else. There was an answering moan that drove me a little crazy and before long I had lifted her up, setting her down on the edge of the counter. I wanted her more than ever and it felt like it was finally in my grasp. All I had to do was convince her and I would finally have what I needed. Once she was in my arms and I was inside of her, there was going to be no going back for her. I was already there and I convinced myself that she would be too if I could just open her eyes a little bit.
But I moved too fast, my hands on her chests and I felt her pull back a little bit. I was breathing hard when I pulled away, but I wasn’t ready to give in. I didn’t want the moment to end and tried to kiss her again, this time not as demanding as before.
“We can’t Dante. I can’t go from one bad mistake to the next.”
“I am not a mistake, this isn’t a mistake. It feels too right to be a mistake. I know that you feel it too.”
She slid off of the counter and high-tailed it upstairs to her room. I wanted to follow her, but there was another side of me that was convinced I was just going to have to wait her out. I was going to have to find patience that I never knew I had.
***
“I don’t want to feel this way anymore Dante. I want to feel good again. You said you would make me feel good.”
I didn’t know what to say to her, but I knew that she was upset, maybe even a little tipsy. She had just showed up at my door and it was about 3 in the morning. As she got closer I could tell that she had at least had one drink, but I had a feeling that it was even more than that just by the way she was looking around. I hadn’t seen Cece at the hand house in a while and certainly not in this state of being. Even her clothes were in disarray. Her shirt was unbuttoned to show off a little cleavage and her hair was loose around her, making its own messy ebony halo.
Before I could answer her, Cece was moving forward, pressing her lips against mine. She was moving me back, her need was palpable and I was at a loss of what to do, but what she asked. How in the world could I tell this woman no?
I was stunned and didn’t know what to do. The more I thought about her lips on mine, the more everything in the back of my head, the part of me that told me that it was wrong was gone. Her taste was altered with some wine, but her mind was clear as she pushed me back into the room, shutting the door behind her.