Cecelia
I cooled down not long after we got home from the airport. I saw the back taillights of Dante’s truck as he took off. I felt sadness wash over me seeing him leave, even though I knew he would be back. He worked here, of course he was going to be back. But I wanted to work this out. I hated the feeling in the pit of my stomach when we argued. I would rather this have all gone so differently.
After a short bath, I looked outside and he was still nowhere in sight. I don’t know why that made me so sad, but it did. I wanted him to want to work it out and it wasn’t until a couple of hours later that I started to worry about where he was. This wasn’t something that he didn’t do, the man was always late for everything and stayed out late almost every night, but not since we had started seeing each other. We had slept together ever since and only when he was gone recently was I meant to stay alone at night.
I don’t know why, but his absence was not sitting well with me at all. My mind went from one nefarious downfall to the other and I was convinced not too long later that he was either in the arms of another woman or he was dead in a ditch somewhere.
Seeing lights coming up the driveway, I was ecstatic that he was finally home, but my hopes were dashed when I saw that it was just Barb coming back. I was on the porch and she was a little tipsy. She was the last person that I wanted to talk to, but I had to know if she knew anything. I just wanted to make sure that Dante was okay first. I am sure I was going to be mad at him later, but for now I just had to know.
So I swallowed my pride, something that Barb had already made in short supply and moved to the woman that was walking slowly up the short staircase to the hand house.
“Barb, wait up.”
She turned around and smiled at me. I didn’t like her. There was something about her that didn’t sit well with me, but I had learned to deal with it. Every time I saw her, I thought of Cliff. Right now though, I was worried about Dante. He was the one I loved and Cliff was but a faint memory. Just because I worked with her and him, didn’t mean that I had to let it get to me.
So instead I squared my shoulders and told myself that it was going to be okay. “Have you seen Dante?”
Barb’s smile was quick and I could tell that she enjoyed me having to ask her. The bad feeling in the pit of my stomach was back and I just hoped that it was there for no reason. I was hoping that I had built it all up in my head and there was nothing to worry about. This was my hope anyways.
“Yeah I saw him earlier at the bar. He looked like he was having a bad day. He was drinking heavy.”
My heart sank and I didn’t like the idea of him at the bar. I knew what he went there for. Could he really be moving on from us after one little fight? So quickly?
“Oh, I see.”
Barb didn’t budge and I hated the smile on her face. “I think he was upset about something, but he wouldn’t talk to me about it.”
She emphasized ‘me’ like he had talked to someone else about it. She had a buzz and she was enjoying toying with me. I should have just walked away right then and there. I knew that this conversation wasn’t going to get any better, but there was a hope that maybe, just maybe, I could get some information that would at least help me sleep tonight.
“Was he there with someone else?” The question stuck in my throat and I hated the fact that I even had to ask. I was starting to think that this guy better be hurt in a ditch somewhere for making me worry and for making me find out about his whereabouts from Barb. This was a new low as far as I was concerned and I didn’t like it one bit.
“There were a lot of someones with him. You know how Dante is. He is too handsome and charming to be alone for long.”
My face must have flushed because she put her arm on my shoulder. “It’s going to be okay Cecelia. You know how guys are. As long as they come home eventually, right? I know from experience that he is worth a little extra drama. You have to know that too. Everyone around here knows that the two of you are going hot and heavy.”
I pulled back from her touch and I can’t say that I had anything else on my mind but physically striking her. I didn’t want her to say such things to me, but what if she was right? Was I really just going to pretend that everything was the same? Nothing was the same. It was just that simple.
“Well thank you for letting me know Barb. I am sure that he will turn up. I was just wondering if you had seen him. Was he still there at the bar when you left?”
“No, he took off a little while after I talked to him.”
I wanted so badly to ask her if he was alone or not, but I couldn’t force myself to say the words. What if he wasn’t alone? Did I really want to know?
The answer was continuously a resounding no and I just couldn’t do it to myself. I had gotten enough bad news for one day. I don’t think that I could take anymore, so I just left it at that. I thanked her for her help and made my way back to the ranch house. I was just going to have to wait and see what happens. It was like a story that I didn’t know the ending too and I was too damn scared to look ahead and find out what happens. I needed to, truly, but what good would it do me in the end? There was nothing good that was going to come from me getting all worked up even worse than I was. I was just going to have to wait and see.
***
It was a ridiculously long night and all I could think about was Dante and where he was. I was driving myself crazy and at some point I did call over to the bar to see if I could find him, but he wasn’t there. He hadn’t been there in hours, just like Barb told me. I didn’t think that she was lying, although I really wished she had been. That meant that I wouldn’t have to worry as much. I could handle him drunk at a bar, I could go get him. But again I was just filled with all of these unknowns and it was killing me slowly.
I went back to sleep and woke up again about five in the morning. It wasn’t like I kept up with him before, but when I did keep up with his coming and goings, I knew that he almost never stayed out this late. He was still gone and it just didn’t mesh well with me. Instead of trying to get anymore sleep and playing victim in some crazy mind games with my brain, I decided it was probably just best to get up and see about my day. Where ever he was, the ranch still had to keep going. Animals had to be fed and people had to get their assignments for the day.
Thankful that I was the only one in the kitchen for a while, I took a minute to sit down with a cup of coffee once it had brewed. I was almost feeling normal again, until everyone started to pile in. The cook was in first to start breakfast and then the other employees moseyed their way in not too long after that. My moment of peace was gone.
“Good to see you up so early boss. Have you see Dante around? I was looking for him earlier and he wasn’t in his room. Hoping he was with you.”
I tried not to blush. It was obvious that we were together, but it was also obvious that he was nowhere to be found and I had no idea where he was. I was supposed to because we were together, I was his boss, but it was like he had just disappeared out of thin air and there was nothing I could do about it. I felt embarrassed on so many levels that I just didn’t know what to say about it.
“No, I don’t know where he is Carl. Why don’t you take over for him today until he makes it in?”
“He isn’t on the ranch at all?”
I shook my head and didn’t say anymore. It was painful that he wasn’t here with me and I didn’t want to go over it again.
“Did you ask Barb about it? She saw the two of them talking last night at the bar. Maybe she knows.”
He was just trying to help, but his harmless comments was just pushing a knife into my stomach and twisting. Didn’t he know that it was horrible to think about him gone and bringing up his past lover did nothing to help where my mind gone. What if Barb did know where he was and just didn’t tell me?
“Well speak of the devil. Barb, where is Dante?”
Barb looked at me and then looked away. “I don’t know. I am not his keeper anymore.”