Cecelia
I wanted to melt into the side of the wall when I made a noise and disturbed the couple. Well it didn’t seem to disturb him at all. He had continued to slam his thickness into the blonde woman. I had never seen her before and most likely never will again, but I will always remember the way he handled her and took every last bit that she was offering. It was hard to deny what it would be like to feel that way. He was bigger than Cliff and he moved like he was taking her with everything that he had.
I moved into the shadows when I realized that they were leaving. I didn’t want the show to end and when I was alone in the barn, I couldn’t even tell you what I had come back for. I wasn’t even looking for Dante, but I had certainly found him. Why did I feel differently and tingly when I watched him ravish the stranger? It was a sight to see and I don’t think it was one that was never going to leave me. What was I supposed to say or do after all?
I stood there for several more minutes before I realized that I was just here to get a harness that hadn’t been down by the meeting area. I knew that I had a lot more to do, but now I was walking slowly back towards the loud crowd in a sort of daze. Cliff waved and I waved back, but I wasn’t thinking about the rodeo star anymore. I was thinking about the trainer that just showed me how different it could be if I wanted it. Now I wondered if Karen was right. Was it better to just have a one night stand with a guy like Dante? Before, I had thought that it may not be worth it, but now I could see how wrong I was about all of it. I had been acting like a child. I didn’t know that sex could be like that. His comment about making it so I couldn’t walk was no longer a threat. It was a possibility, a real one and I had to shake the feeling off before I was around people again. I had to be able to look at people without turning red in the face.
How was I supposed to face him now, knowing what I know?
“There you are Cece.”
I smiled at Cliff as I sat back down, but I wasn’t feeling the kiss he tried to give me. Instead I turned my cheek at the last moment and he planted one there instead. Cliff was nice, hot, all of the above, but I don’t think he would ever make me feel the way I felt just watching Dante go to work on that stranger. How lucky the woman was and how much I wanted it to be me.
“Are you okay?”
I nodded my head that I was, but I could feel my face was hot and there was nothing that I could do about it. I don’t think I was ever going to get those images out of my mind for as long as I lived. It was hard to fathom how it was even possible. I was never going to be able to look at Dante the same again.
“Yeah, I am fine.”
“Did you find what you were looking for?”
I smiled to myself and agreed. I had found something, but I wasn’t sure if it was what I was looking for or not. It was certainly something that I hadn’t seen coming.
“Good, then let’s watch the show. I have been coming here for years, but I still like to watch all of the barrel racing.”
I wasn’t worried about the show going on in front of us. My mind was elsewhere and I caught my eyes scanning the crowd, trying to see if I could see Dante anywhere. I saw his little blonde friend, but she was on her own again and I didn’t know where Dante was. Why did it sadden me so much? I was here with Cliff. He was a great guy and I should feel lucky that he picked me, even if I was having second thoughts now.
“Do you mind if I join you?”
I looked up and saw Dante standing next to us. He wanted to join us, but I didn’t know if I could even look at him the same. Was he really going to act like nothing happened?
I nodded my head and told him that he could. When he moved next to me, I saw the look on Cliff’s face, but I wasn’t bothered. When I saw how he looked at me, I knew that he was feeling far more relaxed. He had a look on his face that I had seen before. So that is what he was grinning about all of those times.
“So what did I miss?”
I shrugged. “Not much really. Some barrel racing. Where were you?”
“Oh, I just had something that I had to take care of is all.”
“I bet.”
***
“So what is going on with you Cece? You haven’t said a word since we got in the truck to come home. Are you not ready to leave Houston and your little boyfriend?”
I ignored his comment because I knew that it wasn’t because of Cliff now. I didn’t want to get back to our old routine. I wasn’t ready to get back to the ranch and see what had happened while I was gone. More than that though, I dreaded this ride back. I could barely look at Dante. How was I ever supposed to be able to speak to him again when all I could see in my head when I looked his way was him rutting into that woman and making her scream?
“I will see Cliff again. He is coming down next week to check out the ranch and some of the horses. It has nothing to do with him. I am just tired and ready to get home and see what kind of damage I have to fix.”
He waved me off like I was being silly and I was just happy that he was off of the Cliff subject and why I was acting strange. Anything to get the attention off of me. I didn’t need the extra looks.
“It isn’t going to be bad. You left the ranch in good hands. Everything will be fine. We were only gone two days.”
“Yeah well, a lot can happen in two days.”
Dante agreed and had this faraway look on his face that I was certain matched mine. I didn’t like to think about all of the differences that had happened this weekend, but I was curious what Dante’s look was for.
“Are you sad that you didn’t find any strange when we were in Houston?”
“Who says I didn’t?”
That had my face turning red because the picture of him rutting like a stead was back in my mind and I looked out my own window so I didn’t have to look at him. He really had no idea what he did to me and that was just as well. He didn’t need to know.
“Well it must have been quick.”
“No, you were just too busy with your rodeo star.”
I didn’t say anything for a time, letting the silence settle back in over us. I liked that way it felt being with him, but sometimes talking, in this position in general was causing problems so it was better not to say a word. It was better to do that, then to say something that I would regret later. I had enough regrets at the moment.
“So do you really think you are going to see him again? He seems like a busy guy?”
“Why are you worried about it?”
“Just looking out for you Cece. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
I nodded, but didn’t answer him. His concern was questionable, as were his motives. I don’t know why I was mad, but I was and we still had another 6 hours in the truck together. It really was best that I shut my mouth. It was hard, but I leaned against the passenger door and told him to wake me up when he was ready for me to drive.
Falling asleep was quick because thoughts and Cliff had kept me up both nights. I had fun and I would see Cliff again, but for now I just needed some rest and less conversation with Dante. He had always messed with me if I ever got too close. This time was no different.
***
“Come on Cecelia, it is time to get up.”
I sat up and again I found that my body had snuggled up against him and my head was on his chest. His arm was on the back of the seat and I couldn’t believe that I had done that again. How embarrassing.
“Sorry. Where are we?”
It was dark and I couldn’t see much, my eyes still adjusting to the dim light of the moon. It didn’t take long for me to realize that we were back at the ranch.
“I thought you were going to wake me up when it was my turn?”
“You just looked so comfortable. I didn’t want to disturb you. You were also in a bad mood. You slept the whole way so you must have needed it.”
“Thanks Dante. I didn’t get much sleep the last couple of nights.”
“I bet.”
I didn’t meet his gaze, but instead got out of the truck and watched him drive off to put the horses up. I should have helped him. It would have been the right thing to do after he had driven home the whole way without my help. But I didn’t. I still didn’t want to face him and think about everything, so I slinked away into the house and tried to adjust myself enough to get around. I didn’t want to turn the lights on, knowing that they were going to be bright in my face.
I wasn’t ready to see it all in the light of day. I plodded up the stairs and jumped in the shower before lying down. Even though I had slept the whole ride home, I was beat and went right back to bed. I looked out the window once to see Dante going into the hand house and he stopped before going in and looked up at my window. I ducked down like he would be able to see me, even though the room was dark.
Why was he looking up here at me? What was I going to do with this feeling inside of me? I had a boyfriend that wasn’t him, so I shouldn’t be thinking about him like that all of the time. I groaned out loud and went to bed. I would think about it all in the morning. It would look better in the light of day, hopefully anyways.