Joel

I was literally never going to understand her. Cameron was like all other woman, I just didn’t get them. She had been practically begging for it last night, but come the sun she had changed her mind. My insides were a bundle of nerves and I was physically in pain from her up and down emotions.

It didn’t help that when I get back to my place, Carlos had a grin that told me that it was not going to get easier. He wanted to know what happened and I didn’t have anything to report. I couldn’t tell him the truth.

“Come on Joel. What, are you not going to kiss and tell now? When did that start? We are cousins and you told me about your first kiss, but not about this one?”

How could he understand that she was different? I would have compared her to Eve, but I knew that I wouldn’t tire of Cameron. I had thought I was in love with Eve and even my wife, but it was nothing to how I felt about Cameron. She was the one and although it was not an easy route, I still believed that and I didn’t want Carlos raining on my parade.

“I just don’t want to talk about it. She is not like that.”

Carlos just shook his head and grinned. “From the looks of it last night she was drunk and she was looking at you as if she was going to beg for it right there.”

The mention of that made my head jerk up. Had he heard her last night? She had begged for it, but if her morning mood was any indication, it was not a real invite, but something else. She didn’t know what she wanted and I was glad that I had waited.

“I want our first time to be…”

I couldn’t finish the sentence with him looking at me that way. His face held a smile and his eyes were going to give me grief. I knew what it sounded like, but I had already established that I couldn’t be the new bad boy that I was trying to be, not with Cameron.

“You have fallen in love again, haven’t you?”

It was not a question, but an accusation. It was one that I wasn’t going to deny, but to agree would be its own fresh style of hell. Instead, I went into my room and got dressed. I was still walking around in the boxers that I had left the apartment with last night. It did look bad, me like this and her like that and still I was pining for the woman. I still wanted to talk to her about everything, but I had a feeling it was going to be a while for that.

“I wouldn’t say that Carlos, but I really like her.”

He put his hands up. “Well I am going to stay away from her. You can count on that. I already have enough to deal with. Eve is a handful and once you fall in love with them, I swear it is worse. The things that I would do for Eve is nuts. I never thought I would love someone the way I do her.”

“Then why are you here hiding out here?”

It was Carlos’ turn to look a little strange and uncomfortable. It was like he hadn’t even thought of an answer for that. He didn’t know what he was doing here and I had a feeling that he was running away from all of it. But he had nothing to run from.

“I’m not hiding out, I just, hell I don’t know. I felt like everything was closing in on me and it finally occurred to me that it is actually happening. She is going to have a baby soon and I am going to be a father. How the hell am I supposed to be a dad?”

Carlos was a free spirit, more than that he wanted to look at himself as such. It was going to be hard to see things that way, when there would be a baby soon. I started to burst out in laughter when I thought about what he was going to do about his bike. There was no way that he was going to be able to ride it now, not with Eve and the baby.

“What is so damn funny?”

I shrugged and smiled some more. I could see it in my head and I don’t know why, but that was the funniest thing that I could think of.

“Just thinking of you and the new ride you are going to get. I say just go for the mini-van right now.”

He scowled at me and for a moment I thought he was going to throw a punch. Why he was there was starting to make more sense to me. He was there because he was afraid. Carlos was afraid of the future and I could feel his pain. I was terrified of what was going to come next for me as well. I didn’t have babies to worry about. My worries stemmed from a woman’s ability to change her mind at a drop of a hat. I was worried about Cameron changing her mind and never speaking to me again.

“I’m not getting rid of my bike. Eve has already brought it up several times.”

“Why are you really here Carlos? Are you really willing to risk everything you have?”

My cousin stopped like he was finally seeing it the right way for the first time. Did he really not think of what was going to happen when he went back? It was hard to think of anyone not getting upset and his pregnant wife had more reason than anyone else to get upset if he left her in the night like he said he had.

“I’m going home Joel.”

“When?”

“Is it that bad having me here?”

“Of course not you idiot. You are family and you are always welcome here, but she is your wife, carrying your child and it is time for you to grow a pair.”

That got his brain ticking and again there was anger in his eyes. He needed to hear it from someone though, so I wasn’t going to feel bad about it. I would risk a sucker punch if I could help him get it together. He just wasn’t thinking right, that’s all.

“You are lucky you are family.”

I shook my head and chuckled as I found something to drink in the fridge. There wasn’t much and I had to settle on some beer that I had a feeling was flat from being in the sun for too long the other day. My suspicions were made fact when I took a taste, my face showing the displeasure. It was horrible, but better than the city’s water that was almost undrinkable.

“Now that you got me sidetracked, are you going to tell me what is going on with that hot little brunette that I saw last night?”

The big sigh came from me and I took another drink, finishing the bottle and knowing that I needed another one. I would have gotten it if Carlos wouldn’t have made a remark that grated on my nerves. It was coming, the questions and I wasn’t able to answer them for myself, let alone to him.

“I don’t know. You know how women are. I don’t know if I am coming or going with her.”

“Yeah that’s how it felt with Eve. Then we got together and it made me want her more. Now I can’t go that long without her or I don’t feel whole.”

His words surprised me, but it wasn’t the way he said it or the melancholy tone of his voice, it was the emotions that he was sharing. Carlos wasn’t that type and to see him in such a way, it told me what I had known all this time. He was in love with her and I was in love with Cameron. There was no way out of it. I was head over heels in love with her and I was just as lost as he had been with Eve.

“That is how I feel about Cameron. I don’t know why, but that little witch is all I can think about.”

He nodded his head like he understood and I guess in a way that he did. We had both been caught up and while I wasn’t sure if she was ready for what came next, unlike Carlos, I was ready for it. It is what I had wanted for a very long time.

“So why are you down here and not up there?”

“She told me to go home, so I did.”

Carlos just smiled. “That means that you are getting to her. You will hear from her again, you just have to wait a little while longer.”

I wasn’t ready to hear his opinion. I had a feeling that if I did things the way that Carlos did in the past, I would never see Cameron again. She was not into bad boys, especially after the little fight I was in with Stephen. Cameron had not liked that at all, so I wasn’t really willing to hear Carlos out on that. Not when I knew that he was so wrong. He had changed up everything when he got with Eve. He seemed to forget that, but I wasn’t going to.

“I want to call her right now.”

“Don’t do it Joel. You need to give her time to realize what you two have.”

I still wasn’t sure if that was the best advice that I could get, but it made sense. She was more than clear on how I felt about her, so it was going to be up to her what happened next. That was the part that I hated the most about everything, but it was the reality. I had done all that I could and now the ball was in her court.

“I think that is the first time that you have made sense when it comes to women.”

“Don’t give me that. You had a lot of fun doing it my way for a while.”

I nodded  my head and told him that I did. I had gone a little out there when I realized that I wasn’t going to get Eve. Then there was the divorce and after that, everything was a little crazy. But I wasn’t happy. The women and the booze were just a way to forget about it all. I didn’t want to numb it all anymore. I was ready to try again, something I never really thought I would want to do.

“It looks like you need some sleep.”

“Yeah, it was hard to sleep next to her all night. I don’t think I slept more than a few minutes.”

That got Carlos laughing again and I was already irritated with the way everything was going. I hated that he was the right one and it drove me crazy what he was right about. I didn’t have much patience and I had even less when it came to Cameron.