Blain

My town car cruises through a neighbourhood that is in no way familiar to me and I love every sight as Tink keeps babbling and pointing out people’s houses, while the hairball from hell continues to snarl and snap at me.

It’s taken me precious minutes of thinking but I finally know what this dog looks like. A demon. An ugly little stringy thing with a pointy face and one milky eye that I assumed was blind, but keeps following me with every move I make.

Gray of course finds this hilarious because true to form once I tricked Tink into inviting me along to dinner, the idiot put on and act and got her to bring him along.

Suddenly Aunt Char and her anger wasn’t even a blip on his radar anymore. Bastard. I’d been hoping like hell that a miracle could happen and Tink might let me kiss her on the drive here but no dice. She just keeps ignoring her evil dogs frothing at the mouth while telling us stuff about ‘the neighbourhood’ while we creep along, stopping every now and then to let kids in the street clear out before resuming whatever game they’re playing.

Soon she grows really quiet and I swear, I hear her mutter a prayer and some bargain with Jesus, and then the car pulls to a stop. Looking out of the window, I take in the brown brick house. It’s a thin structure but tall, three stories high and reminds me of something that belongs in Harry Potter.

Why I find it inviting is beyond me, especially when we all pile out of the car only to be met by a tiny, round little woman with faded orange hair and scowl on her face that has Tink squeaking another prayer beneath her breath.

“Whatever you do, do not talk back. Don’t look her directly in the eyes unless you want to lose your soul. And please, do not mention the bread okay.”

Gray looks bemused but shrugs and plays along while I nervously straighten my tie and pray to God these people like me seeing as I intend to be family really soon.

“Mama.”

“Don’t you mama me you little sneak, what is this?” she cuts in sharply, pointing at Gray and I both with a curled lip that makes her look like she’s smelling something bad.

Tink gives a moan in the back of her throat and cringes a little before giving us both a sheepish smile.

“Uh, this is Blay and his cousin Gray-”

“Hmf! Not much imagination in that family I see. Well come in already, the beef is getting cold and poor Joey is just dying to see you again,” he mutters, stomping into the house with a sniff.

“Don’t let them get me. I fear for the babies.” She whispers as she approaches the door slowly, almost as if she’s walking into a crime scene.

I see why immediately as we close the door behind us, and slap Gray’s head when he chokes out a cough that sounds suspiciously like a laugh. Little Joey as mama affectionately calls him is a behemoth of a man with a belly that speaks of his occupation and so much hair it peeks out from under the off white vest he’s wearing.

Scarily enough, his hair is thinning drastically and shows his scalp where he’s meticulously oiled and combed it back from his face. The rest of him is exactly as Tink described. He smells like pork with a heavy dose of mama’s boy and I want to beat the heck out of him when he immediately comes at us and wraps Tink up against his body.

“Ginny! How’s my girl?”

I could swear she mutters ‘dying’ beneath her breath and know it’s true when Gray makes a choking sound and suddenly finds the cat painting to his left fascinating.

“Fine, I’m fine Joseph.” She pants after wriggling away and stepping closer to me, her face so red I realize she’s holding her breath. “You look good. Your mom finally got you onto that low sodium diet?”

“Oh yeah. It sucks but hey, at least I’ll live longer right?” he chuckles, winding down when he finally deigns to notice me. “Oh hey, man. I’m Joe.”

I hate that he’s friendly and completely oblivious to my glare, just on principal alone and have to stop myself from crushing his girly hand when he shoves it at me, pumping it roughly.

“Blay. And this is Grayson, my cousin.”

“Hey, man, nice to meet you folks. You catch the game the other night?”

“Joseph, let them in for God sakes boy before Lizzie gets her knickers in a damn twist again!”

I look to Tink as that voice booms out, deep and loud and she mutters ‘papa’ before smiling so wide it’s like the sun just started shining.

“Papa!”

“Well come on over here girlie and give your papa a proper hello. And introduce me to the suits for hell sake!”

What I see when Joseph steps back to let us in is so contrary to the picture that voice evoked all I can do for a good minute is star slack jawed.

Tink’s father is a tall, skinny man who apparently favours his blue and white striped boxers, a snow white vest and-

Gray chokes again when we both look down and get a hold of two paper white skinny legs, black socks that almost reach the man’s knees and boots that are at least a size twelve. At least.

I want to laugh, not because I’m thinking uncharitable thoughts but because seeing Tink, and then her parents, makes me immediately wonder if they found her in a garden somewhere.

She’s a brunette like her dad, short like her mom but that’s where the resemblance ends. And I man ends.

“Ian Egan, pleased to meet you rich boys. You come over here to rub elbows?” he booms, shaking my hand with a strong grip before greeting Gray, who seems to be turning redder by the second.

I swear to God if he laughs I will kill him. I have just cause, that being the future of my babies and the desperate need I’ve been harbouring to claim Tink since I saw her.

“No sir. Tink, I mean Ginny invited us, said we have to try the bread,” I improvise, startled when he booms out a laugh that shakes the rafters.

He laughs so hard I see Tink bite her lip to stifle a giggle and shrug at her questioningly.

“You’ll see boy.” Ian chortles, nodding at Tink. “Come on in to the dining room while Lizzie finishes up in the kitchen. Run along Gin and help your mama. Joseph, go tell Abe and Davey to get down here before their mama has a conniption.”

We sit, Gray shoving me to the seat, kitty corner to Ian, and it soon becomes apparent that the old devil is enjoying whatever he’s thinking about.

“You like my girl, Boy?”

“Yes, sir,” I say, no hesitation whatsoever.

I want him to understand right off that I mean business, whether they like it or not. My Tink deserves only the best, not free meat and the plump wolverine.

Soon Joseph comes back, trailed by two men who turn out to be eighteen and nineteen alike. I hear Gray choke again, spluttering on the sip of water he just took when we hear this because they are literally huge. Football player big, with necks like tree stumps and arms that could shred metal.

I look at them, over at Ian and then back again, not believing my eye sight until Ian laughs uproariously and points to the one called Davey.

“He takes after my father and that big lug over there is Abe. He takes after Lizzie’s uncle Thomas. Poor Lizzie called it quits on the babies after that big bruiser came along and I can’t even blame her. Of course I’m thankful since they eat enough to warrant a second job some days.”

“Aw pop.”

“Quiet boy, I’m just kidding, don’t be so sensitive for the love of…so Blay, you were telling me about your interest in my Ginny girl.”

This man is looking to get me killed and enjoying the show, I realize when Joseph starts and the brothers glare over at me, one cracking his knuckles while the other cracks his neck.

Like I care. Gray took me under his wing when I was a scrawny kid getting bullied and Uncle Ed sent us both to a kickboxing gym. We both know how to handle ourselves with Gray’s take no prisoners attitude thrown in as a bonus.

I could probably just sit back and let him at it without lifting a finger.

“You leave Ginny alone. She’s marrying Joe and that’s that.” Abe grunts.

I know better than to take Gray anywhere and that hits home when he smiles wisely at the ass.

“You want free meat to shove in your face go work for it asshole. Ginny deserves to be with someone she likes, not to be sold off so that you can reap the rewards with your big ass. Sorry Joe, I like you man but you’re just not in Ginny’s league and we all know it. Move on and get a wax man, I can hook you up if you want. The ladies like a well scraped area you know.”

Ian chokes on his laughter, turning red when the women walk in and Lizzie gives us all the evil eye.

“You find something funny Ian Egan? Why don’t you share so we can all laugh?” she asks sweetly, though Lord knows, I don’t think it’s so much a request as an order.

I want to laugh when Ian throws us all a covert wink, his blue eyes, eyes just like Tink’s start sparkling mischievously.

“Why Lizzie dear, I was just telling Blay here how glad I am that our Ginny finally found a man she likes! No offense but I like potatoes as much as meat and I can live off a good spud and vodka if need be.”

Oh God.

Lizzie’s eyes narrow at us all and I see Tink curl in a little, her cheeks a delightful pink as she forgoes the seat beside Joseph and sits next to me instead.

“Nonsense! Joseph is a perfect match for her.”

“Yeah,” Joseph pipes in, beaming at mother Satan.

Tink makes a peeping sound and rolls her eyes before looking up at me, her eyes rounding when she realizes I’m staring Lizzie down with an eye twitch.

“Don’t look, she’ll suck out your soul.” She whispers dramatically, making her father chortle and her mother glare.

“Stop teasing me girlie and help the men get their plates filled.”

Tink rolls her eyes and starts reaching for my plate and Gray’s but we stop her with grunts, and instead start filling her plate first. In my house, well in my Uncle Ed’s house ladies always come first.

Aunt Char gets seated and fed first before any of us touch a serving dish, whether she cooked it herself or ordered take out. That’s just the way Ed raised us and by God I won’t let her mom undervalue her that way ever again.

“Blay-”

“Women first, Tink. My Uncle Ed would kick my ass if he caught me treating you or any woman like a second class citizen, isn’t that right Grayson?”

Gray nods and piles so many potatoes on her plate I see her eyes bug before she lets out a giggle. Ian and all the others are just as still but I see his eyes appraising me, and when he nods once I feel like I just got handed a freaking award.

“That is not the way we do things in this house Mr. George. Ginny-”

“Is a person, just like your sons and by God, she seems to need food more than these two behemoths.” Ian cuts in, earning my undying respect. “Hush now honey and fill your plate before these three pigs wipe us out. You’ll need your strength later.” he chides, making her blush and giggle.

Well I’ll be damned. Seems the old man still has it huh.

For some reason that makes Ginny grimace but she keeps quiet and starts eating, her eyes trying to tell me something as Gray and I both reach for a piece of homemade bread and take healthy bites.

The table goes silent. Immediately .And I freeze mid-chew just as Gray turns his head, his wide eyes meeting mine.

Chew and swallow, I order myself when the salt hits my taste buds, right after my tooth gives a protesting groan. Christ, it’s like biting into a piece of granite!

Gray’s eyes start watering and I feel my own bulge as Lizzie beams at us both and starts digging into her food. It’s the first sign of humanity she’s shown so far and I don’t want to ruin it but Ian, the bastard just keeps staring expectantly and Tink’s shoulders are shaking so hard she can’t manage to bring a forkful of food to her mouth.

It’s when Lizzie offers us the bread basket that Gray and I can’t hold it any more. I spit, moaning when the piece of rock hard gunk plops onto my plate, bearing what I now understand is a piece of my front tooth and Gray swallows so hard I hear it over the laughter that suddenly can’t be held in anymore.

They’re all pissing themselves, including Joseph as Lizzie glares at me and stabs at her meet.

“Welcome to the family boy. I hope you have dental.” Ian sputters, laughing harder when my tongue worries my now aching tooth or what’s left of it.

“Tink-”

She’s still laughing and only laughs harder when she spots my mouth.

“Have a beer,” Gray drawls, shaking his head as he digs into the beef and potatoes. “Goddamn, Mrs. Egan, this is fantastic. The bread was shit, no offense but this I like. Blay’ll probably need a new tooth but it’s worth it if this is what we get all the time. You open Sundays?”

The woman beams, lighting up like the freaking fourth of July before sniffing at me with a snarl.

“Eat up, Gray my boy. Blay, stop being such a bleeding baby and eat your beef. My soda bread is an acquired taste is all. And stop pouting Ian. Now, boys, are you Catholic?”