Ty

My eyes are narrowed as I stand beside my friends and watch Rox while her gaggle of mayhem makers crowd around her, screaming with laughter at whatever she’s showing them on her phone.

I’d go over there and look but from the glances they keep throwing my way I am quite frankly afraid to be anywhere near them right now. I’ve been trying to woo my girl for two weeks now and I’m losing ground with every day that passes.

The woman is stubborn. Combative and just plain mean when she loses and argument, something I learned first-hand when I woke up to kisses only to open my eyes with peanut butter on my lips and Stinker’s tongue in my mouth.

I puked for a solid minute while she laughed and took pictures.

“You’re pathetic.” Blay groans as I lift the beer bottle all while still keeping my eyes trained on Rox.

“Me? I’m not the one who ended up tied to a bed with a crying woman on top of me.” I snort, ignoring his vile language.

Turns out poor Tink has been living with Blay the mangina since B was born and Tink finally snapped and showed him what a real woman does to a husband who doesn’t do his duty. I’d laugh but from the hickey on his neck and the smile on his face the man is all kinds of happy.

“True but then again I’m not the one who’s chasing after a woman like a dog with no bone. How you feel knowing Rox went on a date with that potato necked bastard last night?” he goads, making me snarl.

I’m ready to kill someone for sure at this point because I can’t do a thing about Rox dating other guys. I tried and she slashed my tyres. With Mari taking pictures.

These women do not understand that word felony. Or maybe Mari does and just doesn’t care because she posted it to her twitter account and laughed herself sick when Rox had a nervous breakdown and had to talk to her uncle the cop.

Not that I did anything about it. No. I got them replaced and Rus added her win to the whiteboard hanging in my office. At this point it’s twenty six to eleven with Rox holding strong in the lead.

Especially when she does stuff like go on dates and then facebook it all so her family can see. I had Mitch Byrd, fucking Mitch calling me yesterday and asking if I needed help with my game.

As if that crusty old fu-

“You’re in a sorry state young man.” I hear to my right and turn to see mom and Char staring at me while Rox and Mari cackle and throw peeks my way.

“Mom.”

I want to whine like a girl when Joe struts out of Lizzie’s backdoor and jiggles over in bottoms and his luxurious jersey pelt.

“Hey! How’s it going? That lump looks painful.”

I finger the lump on my head and wince, accepting finally that I either stay away from construction sites or end up dead. Seems Rox’s family knows everyone in construction and everyone knows that I screwed up with their little princess.

I only just escaped death-well I got clipped but it only bled a little-when a big burly Italian yanked me out of the way and warned me not to ‘do anything that could piss someone off’.

I was okay then, I mean it was kinda funny I guess until I went back to the office and had to sit through an hour of staring at Cindy. At least I thought it was Cindy under all that pain and mayhem.

Blay choked through the whole thing, his fingers flying over his phone while Gray used a pencil to poke at her face in wonder, ignoring her annoyance and eventual tears.

I wanted to cringe in shame, knowing I was indirectly responsible for this but ended up laughing instead when the woman bolted from the boardroom holding her ass.

Even Russell couldn’t keep it together after that and I spent the rest of the day getting phone calls from Mari and Tink. They didn’t say anything, just laughed maniacally before hanging up.

I was confused until Gray explained they were calling to warn me never to piss them off but couldn’t get passed the video my PA Emerald took of Cindy stumbling out of the bathroom minutes later, her hair plastered to her sweating head as she limped out of the building.

Her pants did not escape the mayhem and according to Rus, Rox was so chuffed with the outcome she gave her mother a hug for the first time in years.

But let’s be serious here because as much as I love the mayhem and hilarity that’s invaded my life, I can’t do this shit anymore. Yeah, I get that I brought this on myself but I don’t care! I’m on my knees here and it isn’t helping a damn thing.

Rox doesn’t seem at all inclined to forgive me, in fact she seems over me at this point and only agrees to come over for sex. I’m not a piece of meat I have feelings too.

“Fine,” I mutter, shrugging as I look up at Joe with a grimace.

Joe sighs and I see his belly jiggle when he steers me over to some chairs in the corner and sits me down. The guy looks dead serious for once and it hits me that of all these people, he seems to be the most mature of them all. Damn Joey boy, you continue to surprise me.

“You’re not fine and I can see it. Look, man, I love it here. The people are good, weird and damn funny. They’re a far cry from my mama who only ever seems to talk about church or getting me fixed up with a woman who probably isn’t even in my league.”

“That’s bullshit, man. You’re a good guy,” I say, hating that he sees himself in a bad light.

Joe smiles and leans back, grabbing a beer from the cooler and passing me one as we sit and watch the girls plot whatever it is they’re doing this week. Probably another way to torture me.

“I know but the truth is that they don’t see passed the hairy little brother who’s only good for free meat and some ribbing. I don’t mind. I’ve known those girls since we were all too little to defend ourselves against our crazy mothers and I love them like sisters each and every one.”

That startles me and I see Joe smile at my look of shock.

“You’re shocked that I don’t see them as marriage material? Dude, my mama is a skittish woman. If I brought one of those women home to her she’d die of a heart attack and haunt me forever.”

“But you’ve taken both Tink and Mari home.” I point out, remembering Tink’s embellished recounting of the cabbage incident.

Joe just laughs and sips his beer, seeming for all the world as if he doesn’t have a care. A big ask considering he’s a part of this family for better or worse.

“I told my mama I was helping them with some man issues. And I was. Those husbands of theirs sure do go nuts when they think another man is in the picture huh. It’s funny because if they only knew I’d die of shame for even thinking those things about the girls…well.”

“Damn Joe, I never would have guessed man.”

“I know. Because I don’t react to any of it usually. The situation is different with Rox though, she has a stubborn streak far and wide and her cousins sure aren’t helping her by egging her on to worse heights.”

Don’t I know it. Half the time I don’t know if I’m being punished by Rox or Mari. Or what is worse. They both scare me a little although if I had to choose I would say Mari scares me more. Gray sometimes looks haggard and I know the man uses face creams to keep up his appearance so that just tells me how crazy Mari is.

“I’m boxed in here man. I apologized. I told her I love her. Hell, I put up with the pranks she plays on me constantly and don’t even mind that my parents and her parents are thick as thieves even if that should open the second portal to hell. I just don’t know what to do.” I admit tiredly, scrubbing at my face in defeat.

“Well, you could always knock her up. I heard your dad tell Ian it’s a family tradition,” he offers making me perk up before I deflate.

“Nah, I couldn’t do that to Rox. She’s mortally afraid of babies right now after Mari dragged her to her Lamaze class last week.”

“Hhhm. Well then you’re gonna have to do the only thing you can do and let her go man.”

“What!” I yell, sitting back with a frown when all eyes turn on me and Rox narrows her eyes suspiciously.

“Hear me out okay. I told you, I know them girls. I took Rox to her prom, you know that?” he asks, chortling at my look of shock.

“Yeah?”

“Oh yeah. The week leading up to prom was one for the books I’ll tell ya. Those red hens were clucking around fit to be tied when they found out who was going with their daughters. Rox’s mama though, she’s the really bad one. I know everyone looks at Lizzie and Ro one and thinks they’re bad, but Marveline, she keeps quiet when she gets mad and plans her sneak attacks. She put something in Rox’s face cream that had her looking like a monster she broke out so bad.”

He laughs but I wince a little because I now know which pictures Mari shows people.

“Her date took one look at her and broke it off that same day and poor Rox was beside herself. For like two seconds. She got Marveline but good with a dead squirrel under the bed. Man that place stank to high heaven. And then she got mad and decided that she wasn’t about to let Marveline win.”

“So she asked you?”

“No man, I showed up at her house the day of and she smiled so big she was the most beautiful thing I ever saw, even with a face full of zits.” He says, laughing so hard his belly shakes.

Man I totally love this guy, I think as he shakes his head and twists to stare at me.

“The point is that I know Rox. We’re friends, even if she razzes me most of the time. I know her and if I know anything about that girl it’s that she’s stubborn. Competitive. She won’t just take what you give her and call it good. She needs to fight for the things she wants. So let her fight for you.”

Well holy shit!

“Christ man, where the hell have you been hiding all my life?” I laugh, grinning harder than I have since I showed up at Rox’s office and decked that fucker Riley. That’ll teach him to grab my woman’s ass.

“Been here all along.”