Rox

He hasn’t called in four days and I’m starting to get withdrawals as I check my phone for the tenth time in as many minutes and chew my thumb nail down to the quick.

“Stop that and concentrate! I’m only doing this birth stuff once so I need you to be here and take notes,” Mari huffs while glaring at the woman beside her.

Gray bailed after some poor fatty looked at him and Mari tried to karate kick her in the vagina. He just gave up at that point and told her he refuses to be party to violence against the gestating.

So of course she had a meltdown and tried to make it up to him by seeing this through. Of course that means I’m stuck with her ass and six other pregnant women twice a week and trust me, Ginny was right, these chicks have gas issues.

It’s so gross I miss the fresh air that is Ty’s apartment even with Stinker in the mix.

“He hasn’t called.” I whine, stretching my eyes in warning at the chick beside us when she goes to lean over again. “Don’t do it lady, the pressure makes your ass spew and I’m about to get violent.”

Mari chortles at the woman’s annoyance and turns to look at me, for once not having a nasty thing to say, though I see her struggle with the need to rag on me.

“He’ll call. He loves you.”

Loves me? I’m not so sure anymore I think. Not after I went out with Tegan’s friend Jason and kissed him at the club. It was stupid and childish and so wrong but I was annoyed and desperate to prove to myself that I could go without Ty, that he’s not the only one I want.

You know something you’ve done is bad when Mari looks at you in horror and shakes her head without saying a word. I cried and watched Titanic until three in the morning after papa came up to my room and explained that playing with a man’s emotions is just plain wrong.

And then I heard him on the phone with Frankie Fox talking about lubrication and something that contained the words cock and ring. I was so sick I couldn’t even eat the cookie dough I stole out of mama’s special freezer in the basement and I cried even more because I know what Cam said is true.

Ty may have been a blind fool but I’ve turned out to be a mean spirited woman. One who isn’t in it for a good laugh like Mari explained, but a woman who’s been scorned and is now enjoying the suffering of a man that loves me.

I cried a little harder when I tried to call him the next day and explain and his phone went to voicemail. By the time I made it into work I was on autopilot and only realized I had on two different shoes and my panties over my pants when Jesse couldn’t stop chortling at me.

My life actually sucks right now and the sad fact of the matter is that I did all this. Because I got scared. Because the memory of the way Ty looked at his ex was so emblazoned in my brain that I couldn’t forget it.

While watching Titanic and finally rooting for Rose again it clicked and then I felt so bad about myself I almost called sister Agnes and volunteered for toilet duty just to punish myself.

What I saw that day was him accepting something that I was badgering him about the whole time. I think Ty finally realized that everything he’d felt and everything he hadn’t let go of didn’t matter anymore.

Thinking of him finally letting go and then coming after me makes me feel worse about myself and here’s the absolute worst part of self actualisation and getting real.

I’m going to throw the game. Me. The girl who put Honey Lake in the hospital with a broken knee because she thought she could beat me at field hockey. I capped her so bad they had to put screws in her and she wore a brace for months.

I’m that competitive and unwilling to lose.

Well, this time I’m not losing, I think. I’m going to throw this game and give it to Ty because if I play my cards just right I may win him in the end, I hope. I mean he was an ass but come on, I sucked another man’s face. He deserves to be pissed and I deserve a good dose of corn.

“Rox! Dammit. He’ll call.”

“He won’t.” I say, accepting defeat. “He’s giving up and I don’t blame him. Who wants to be with a chick who’s emotionally crippled by self doubt.”

“Ask Gray. He loves me right?” she mutters with a rueful laugh, making me grin.

“Mari, you told Gray you loved him by like day two of your marriage. I haven’t said it to Ty once.” To my everlasting shame.

“Not even once? Not even when he’s eating your beave?” she asks, her horror clear and apparent as the teacher hisses at her to pay attention and gets the finger without Mari even once looking at her.

“I wanted to. I would have eventually but you know me, Mari,” I wail, making the class mutter my way.

“Oh shut the fuck up, you fart bags! Can’t you see we have an emotionally stunted woman here. She needs our support right now, not your fucking fat asses farting with every movement. Rox, honey, this is bad. I know I drive Gray nuts and I know Tink and Blay aren’t exactly a normal couple but we know that we’re loved. If Ty heard about you kissing that guy and doesn’t even have the words to keep him stable…”

I feel even worse and I show it by bursting into tears and violating my shirt with my nose. I feel a Titanic marathon coming on and it just makes me cry harder because I don’t even need the sound anymore, I mime that shit word for word.

“I know! And, and it sucks that I know this stuff and I didn’t even get to tell him I’m sorry or anything because he won’t take my calls.” I wail, hocking back loudly.

“Shit. Dammit Rox, let’s go find him before I have to explain to Lizzie why you’ve turned into a lush.” She huffs, snarling when the other women cheer.

“I’ll be back for you bitches on Monday.”

***************

Ty

“I am so glad you finally called Ty. I was starting to believe office gossip about you seeing some little piece of fluff from down town.”

I just grit my teeth as Cindy says the words and feel my blood boil at the way she’s preening. I want to tell her that Rox isn’t a bit of fluff, that the reason Cindy has to wear three layers of makeup just to look human is because my rockstar lost her mind and went to the mattresses.

I don’t say any of this because I don’t actually care what this bitch thinks anymore. Honestly the only reason I’m here is because her father and I are on the last legs of negotiation and I’m not about to let them think that I come with the deal.

“Cut the shit Cindy. I’m not here to have dinner with you because I give a damn or even to close this deal. My company doesn’t need your land and as far as I’m concerned you can shove it if it comes with strings attached. You either want to partner or sell it to us or you don’t.” I say, calling the waiter over to order another drink.

“Ty. You know I love you-”

“You loved what I could give you until you didn’t. I appreciate the fact that you broke things off with me before you went too far doing what your father expected but that in no way gives you the right to expect any special consideration from me. And for your information I do have someone in my life and no, she’s not from this side of town but I love that about her.” I snarl, giving her a good once over, my distaste clear.

Cindy blanches and I see her hand go to her face as my words hit her. Good, let her feel what it’s like to have people looking at you with revulsion. It’s ironic that I getto be in this position. Where once before she was all beauty to my beast, I feel ten feet tall while I look at the results of Mari and Rox’s menacing natures.

Though honestly, even if she was still picture perfect I wouldn’t touch her with a ten foot pole, never mind my dick.

“Well, I mean daddy will never-”

“I don’t give two shits, I already told you. If you’re not going to sign the papers I guess I can stop wasting my time with you and move on.”

I go to stand and she reaches for my hand, pleading with me to sit. I do, not for any other reason though than despite my anger it doesn’t sit well with me to leave things badly. I don’t like her, but that doesn’t mean I can’t say goodbye like a gentleman.

“I’m sorry. That was uncalled for and honestly we need this deal whether you want me or not. Things aren’t going great for daddy and the company. Partnering with you is our only option.” She says softly, pulling her hand away to fidget with the glass of water in front of her.

Dammit.

“Look Cin, I’m not going to lie and tell you that I’m okay with you. I’m a normal guy and I hold a grudge. But I will say that I don’t hate you and if this deal goes through I’ll be fair. It’s time for you to move on. I have.”

************

Rox

The sound of car horns and traffic are loud and cause my already strained nerves to go tighter as I fight against Mari’s hold and beg her not to do this to me.

After my little cry fest at the Lamaze class and Mari’s disgust for my continued stupidity she called Gray at Char’s place where he was having dinner and got him to spill the beans about Ty’s where abouts.

That’s after we stormed his apartment and I spent ten minutes holding Mari’s hair while she retched over the toilet, snarling death threats at Stinker.

I tried to warn her, I really did because in her condition not even Mari’s cast iron stomach could stand up against Stink. It’s at the point where I’m considering leaving him on the church steps and telling Ginny he went to see Jesus in his sleep.

I have to because I want Ty to live and if he gives us a chance, I want to live too. Something that will never happen if I’m being slowly poisoned to death by a dog.

“Oh God Rox, the smell. No wonder Ty loves you, he’s being driven crazy by poisoning.” She gasped before puking again with a few choice options for getting rid of the dog without killing anyone else.

Or at least she was down with killing until I mentioned the nuns. She perked right up then and I literally saw her brain working with the possibilities.

Now though, we are on the way to a restaurant that is so five star all I can do is look down at my sweat pants and the red tomato stain on the crotch that I thought was funny but now regret.

“Mari, let me go change and then we can come back. Please!” I yell, fighting harder when we reach the window, Mari’s panting but surprisingly strong as she grabs my shoulders and gives me a shake.

“Nut up. This is your guy. The man you love who is currently dodging your calls and having dinner with his ex. Do you want to be like sad aunt Gay, all dried up and talking to yourself while you watch old movies?”

I think of Titanic and feel a shudder of dread work down my spine. I could so end up that way because what that kiss taught me is that Ty is my one. You know you’re beat when a man who looks like a Calvin Klein model kisses you and everything goes bone dry.

“No?”

“Good. So we go in there and you just tell him you love him and want him. It’s that simple Rox. I can make all the cracks and nasty comments I want in this situation to make you feel better but the truth is that you’ve played through halftime and you’re down with a foul. You can’t win this one and still get Ty. You just can’t.”

“God, Mari, what a time for you to be mature,” I mumble, looking away from her stern eyes because she’s right.

I’m so wrapped up with nerves and pity that for seconds I don’t realize what I’m seeing. When I do I feel myself stiffen as my jaw clenches tightly.

“Oh shit,” Mari groans.

Oh shit is so right. Ty is sitting at a table with that boil butt, and God does she looks nasty! And his face has gone all soft while she holds his hand and gazes up at him with what I can only describe as love.

I mean, why Lord?

Here I am, with a crotch stain that makes it look like I’m on the rag and I have absolutely no leg to stand on with Ty and his dinner companion because I did this. I drove him into the arms of another woman.

“I am so not going in there like this Mari, not now,” I mutter, my eyes peeled on them until I can’t stand to look anymore and just turn away dejectedly.

“Let’s get you home babe and plan shit from there. We can slash his tyres again and maybe put meat under his seats.”

I could. I mean an hour ago I would so have done all of that with Mari and snickered my way through it all as he suffered my wrath. I don’t even want to now. Not because I’m feeling a pity party coming on, although I feel pretty low, but because I get it.

I fucked up.

And I have no one to blame but myself. Russell tried to warn me that I was pushing things too far. Ing told me that I needed to stop being a baby and talk to Ty like an adult. I shit you not.

I just about had a fainting spell when Ing said those words because she’s usually my man bashing backup woman.

But they were right and I just, I took things so far that I’m not even angry enough to call Lizzie. Shit, I groan, she is never going to forgive me for driving Ty back into the arms of that rat turd.

“No Mari. I’m done okay? Can we just go home and forget that I saw this?”

“Rox-”

“He doesn’t deserve anything like that Mari and even you know it. I pushed too hard and he got the message. Leave him alone Mari.”

“But Rox, he said he loved you.” She growls as we hail a cab and pull away from the restaurant.

“He does. I know he does Mari but like Joe told me, if you love someone, you set them free.”

I won’t tell her that he was talking about his hamster, that we were seven and we were burying the poor thing after his dad did the humane thing and saved it from suffering. The poor little guy broke his back when he got stuck in the wheel and Joe was beside himself when we found him.

I feel like that hamster right now and wish someone would put me out of my damn misery.

“That’s bullcrap.”

“Mari, come on, I appreciate the support and love and all but you said it yourself, I fucked this all up from the get go because I didn’t want to seem like I was losing to Ty. I did this. And now I have to fix things. And I will, I just need some time.”

“Not the movie again Rox. It’s getting tragic.”