Ty

The long walk all the way from the Egan house to my apartment was miserable, chilly and yet effective as I press the button up to the top floor and fall against the elevator wall, breathing out deeply.

I feel like shit for the things I yelled at Blay and will probably have to apologize at some point before mama Lizzie comes looking for me and skins me alive with those red eyes of hers.

Right now though I plan to get a little shit faced and sleep for eight solid hours before facing the crap that’s waiting for me with the new day. I’m not pissed anymore. Not really. Just really fed up with the curve balls life keeps tossing my way and the continued problems I feel facing me whenever I think I’m even half way to getting over what I went through with Cindy.

“Hey.”

I look up at the sound of that voice as I clear the elevator and feel my dick go hard despite my mood when I see Rox leaning against my door, her posture screaming tension as she looks me over.

“Hey. What are you doing here?”

I sound angry as I bark the words at her and feel like a heel when she seems to stiffen and flush uncomfortably, her hazel eyes not meeting mine like they usually do.

“Uh, I figured you’d want your car back at some point and, uh, I came to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m fine Rox, just fine. Thanks for bringing my car back though.” I say, taking the keys and unlocking my apartment door.

When she doesn’t move for the elevator and instead just waltzes into the apartment, I feel my anger surge to the fore again. Not at her because the truth is that I could never be angry with her, not with the way I feel about her.

No, I’m pissed at myself. At the past. At this inability I have to move passed all the baggage I’ve been hauling around all this time. More than anything I am really pissed that I want her so much I feel my cock go pike hard.

Because I know it won’t go away and that even if I wanted to do something about it, which I do, I can’t. I want sex, and maybe some companionship but I can’t go beyond that to anything else because with Rox, it would involve commitment and a ring and promises I do not have it in me to make.

“Rox. I’m really not good company tonight.” I say as she falls onto the couch and wrinkles her nose at the smell that pervades the apartment.

“I can see that Tyson, I’m not exactly blind. Or stupid,” she snarks, jumping up to open the windows, even though the temperature has dipped again with the threat of a storm approaching.

“Rox.”

“Look, I figure this whole mess that we’re in can play out a number of different ways, most of them being you and me circling each other for the next ten years and pretending we don’t want anything more than friendship. Personally I’d really like to do this while I’m still attractive and somewhat sane because we all know with my mam I’m not going to stay that way for very much longer.” She huffs, making me smile until I realize what she’s saying.

“What?”

She seems to stiffen at my oh so intelligent reply-stupid fucker-before taking a deep breath and meeting my eyes, her own so filled with uncertainty it makes my chest ache.

“Don’t play dumb, Ty, it’s not an attractive look on you. You know what I’m talking about. I have the hots for you. I’m a slick chick waiting for a flick. I want to exchange numbers, sixty nine to be exact. I can go on with the gross analogies but the truth is that I am done teasing and avoiding this because I’m so damn scared of losing you completely that I’d just take whatever I can get. I like you. A lot. I think you’re hot and funny and smart and great to be around and I really enjoy being with you.”

Don’t get harder, dick. These pants cost two grand.

“And okay, so maybe I am a dirty whore like mama keeps telling her church circle because from the moment I saw you all I have wanted to do was rip your clothes off and lick you all over. I am lusting after you so hard it’s sick the things I think about when I think of you.”

There go the pants, I think when my cock inflates at the thought of everything I have imagined doing to her. I have fantasies of tying her up and eating her out for days while she begs me to stop. I think about owning every inch of her skin and imprinting myself on her in the most primal of ways.

I think of tasting her pink sex and sucking at her nipples just to see her face when she comes. And most of all I think about everything I could do to her if I ever get my cock into the warm cavern between her legs.

Blay and Gray are in love, happily married and probably make love to their woman frequently, gently. With reverence. What I want to do to Rox is so dirty it makes me feel like a sicko just imagining it all.

It also gets me so hard that imagining never having it makes me feral with the need to grab her and claim her.

“This isn’t a good idea.” I say when she doesn’t say anything else, my heart protesting, my dick howling even as my brain tells me that I am making the right call.

“Why? You want me, Ty, I can see it.” She says, looking down at my crotch. “And I want you. Where’s the problem? Or am I reading this wrong? Oh god! I knew this was going to happen.”

She starts pacing now and I see stinker slink in and then turn tail again when she curses and comes to a stop, not meeting my eyes.

“You don’t want me?”

“I, dammit! Of course I want you.” I snarl, scraping a hand through my hair. “I’ve wanted you from the moment I saw you arguing with Tink in the park. It may be sick but I got a hard on when you pulled her sneakers out of the trash can and washed dog crap off them because she was upset about throwing them away. I find your level of love for your family and friends attractive. So damn much I can’t think about you without becoming aroused. It got worse when we played soccer and you kicked me in the knee to get the ball.”

“I did not.”

“Yeah you did you dirty little sneak. You fouled me to hell and back, took your shot and scored the goal. It turns me on that you’re so competitive you play dirty and makes me even hotter when you lie through your teeth and deny it.” I laugh, feeling lighter at the memory of her blood thirsty ways.

She doesn’t even bother to blush or deny it as she toes the carpet for long seconds before looking up at me uncertainly.

“I have the biggest crush on you Tyson Fox. It’s so tragic I come over here as much as is acceptable without looking like a freaking loser. Even when the smell of Stinker makes my eyes water and my will to live shrivel. I pretend that all I want is to be your friend when the truth is, I want so much more.”

“Rox.”

“And I don’t care if that makes you uncomfortable either because dammit, I am so sick and tired of pretending I want to be your friend when what I really want is to rip you pants off and do bad things to you until you feel so right. Bad things, Ty. Things that will put mama in her grave if she ever found out.”

I want that too. Oh Christ do I want that. The sight of her, panting and red faced is such a turn on that I don’t bother to hide the way my eyes caress her plush breasts and the curve of her slim waist where it dips and meets her hips. I take in her thighs in the pencil skirt she’s wearing and all I can imagine doing is tearing it off her, pushing her onto the couch and opening her thighs to get at her sex.

I want it all and then I want more because with the lust coursing through me I know once will never be enough. I want to gorge myself, get high and drunk on her sex and then do it all over again until this obsession I have for her is completely spent.

“You think I don’t want that! I’ve wanted to bend you over and fuck you for months. I want to make you come, over and over until you’re dripping with sweat and wetting my sheets with your juices. I want you to scream and beg me for more and then I want to start again. And again. And again. I want so much with you I jerk off every night in the shower and wake up coming in my shorts because I dream of you. But I can’t do this shit with you Rox. I just can’t.”

“Why!” she yells, coming closer to push at my chest. “Why can’t we have that Ty? I want you. I can’t think of anyone but you,” she pleads, making me shake as I force myself not to grab onto her and just take what she wants to give me.

“Because that is all it will ever be Rox. I will never want more than that and it’s not what you deserve. You should be with a guy who is going to let himself love you. A man who’ll want to give you a ring and a home with children for your mama to spoil. And that is not me.”

“It can be.”

“No. It can’t. Because I won’t let myself be that man ever again Rox. Go home. I can’t do this,” I say softly, breaking apart a little when tears fill her eyes and one trails down her cheek before she can stop it.

“If this is about your scars-”

“Dammit! It’s not about my scars. It’s about me being no fucking good for you. You want to be with a man who won’t commit enough to live with you? A man who’ll come over for sex and ninety nine times out of a hundred go home afterward. Because that’s me Rox. I like my own space, being free to go and do what I want and that won’t just change. I’ll take you on dates and do couple things with you but in the end I will not give you any of the things you’ll want eventually.”

“Then give me that. I, I can be happy with that.” she says quietly, breaking my heart all over again because I know she means it.

This woman will take whatever I give her and be okay with it. But I won’t and so instead of letting go and taking her, relieving the arousal that is so strong I can scent her sex on the air, I’m doing what’s right. I’m stopping this before I hurt her more than I already have.

“No you won’t. You’ll be okay for a while and then you’ll want babies because that’s what normal women want when their friends start having their own kids. Then your mama will have a fit about having bastard grandkids so you’ll convince yourself you should get married-”

Rox holds up a hand before I can go any further, her eyes going dull when I stare down at her with the same expression I’ve mastered since I learned that showing your emotions can get you hurt. It’s unfair and a bastardly thing to do but I can’t do anything else. If I let myself slip she’ll see how I’m burning for her and I can’t let her.

“Stop! Just stop. I get it okay. You want me but you don’t want to want me,” she laughs mirthlessly, stepping away with a grimace. “It’s so freaking ironic ya know because I always used to think…whatever. I’ll go now. You stay up here all alone Tyson and pretend that you like being alone, that you don’t need anything. You go ahead and hide your face when people look at you because you’re too afraid to look them in the eye and tell them to fuck off. Do whatever you want because you know what, I am so done masturbating to fantasies of a man who doesn’t exist. The Ty I know is strong and doesn’t back down. I guess I got him all wrong.”