Chapter Ten – Katy

I can feel something happening between me and Evan. It’s been happening all day long. Something powerful is changing between us, and I don’t know what to do about it. I could feel something underlying under the surface all morning, but we had business to distract us then. Lunch has been a different matter. We haven’t had anything else to take our focus off one another. Even when we’ve tried to talk about something else, the tension has still been there.

“Thank you for lunch,” I say with a bright smile as Evan comes back from the counter where he’s paid the waitress. “That was really nice of you. You didn’t have to do that.”

“Oh, it’s just a work meal,” he plays it off. “I can claim it as business.”

I don’t think he’s going to do that, not when the company is in so much trouble, but I let him get away with his lie because it’s much easier than challenging it when things are all strange.

“Well thank you, it’s still very nice of you.” I tug my coat around my shoulders. “Do you want to get back to the office now? We still have stuff we can do this afternoon…”

“Yeah, I suppose so.” Evan shrugs his shoulders. “I mean I need to get back to get stuff done, but you don’t have to if you don’t want to. You can take the rest of the day off if you want?”

“Oh yeah, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll take the rest of the day off,” I reply sarcastically. “I don’t know if you know many lawyers, but we never get afternoon off. Even if I’m not working with you, I’ll have to go back to my office and be buried under paper work.” The thought of how much paper I probably have piled up in my tray makes me shudder. “There’s never any down time.”

“Never? Ooh that sounds horrible. I mean, I know that I’m always at work but that’s my choice. It’s my business. Doing it for someone else would drive me mad.”

“Yeah well.” I sigh loudly. “That’s why I need to be made partner. Then things won’t be so stressful. I won’t be so busy. I might actually get something of my life back.”

Evan gives me a sidelong glance. “Are you sure that’s going to be the case? Are you certain that you’ll be less busy once you’re a partner?” he asks me observantly. “Are you sure it won’t just get a million times worse? I don’t know much about the law world, but they always seem busy.”

That’s a reality that I want to face even less than the idea of not being made a partner at all. I don’t want to get my dream, I don’t want to achieve my goal just to learn that it isn’t what I think it’s going to be. I don’t know how my fragile ego will be able to take that.

“I don’t know,” I admit for the first time, letting out fear I didn’t know was there. “I hope so, I’ve been working towards that goal with that idea in mind so I kind of really need it to work out.”

Evan walks next to me silently for a few moments, seemingly stuck in his own thoughts. I want to ask him what he’s thinking, I want to know if he knows something about the law world that I can’t see because I’m so stuck in the middle of it, but I can’t quite find the words.

“You know what, you should come and work with me for the afternoon, I think that’ll be awesome. We do have stuff that we need to get done anyway and I don’t like the idea of you stuck in an office alone, buried under paper work. I know you might think that you need to get all of that done, but I’m supposed to be your most important client, remember?”

I laugh, unable to stop myself and I nod. He’s right that I need to get to work because I have so much to do, but I can also justify my time with Evan because he is such an important client. The idea of being with him is so much more appealing than anyone else anyway. His presence, while confusing and filled with conflicting emotions, is preferable to being near anyone else. Even Grant… God I never thought that day would come. I’ve always wanted to be near Grant. This is mad.

“Sure,” I reply with a nervous gulp. “That sounds good.”

Before we can take another step, Evan spins to face me with an inquisitive look in his eyes, which causes me to stop in my tracks. We’re in the middle of the busy sidewalk with people rushing past us, but in that moment, it just feels like it’s only the two of us. The rest of the world melts away and I lose myself in his eyes. This is a moment that I could live in forever more, quite happily.

He takes a step closer with his hands outstretched and I find my body being magnetically pulled towards him as well. I have no idea what’s happening, but I do want to find out. Even if it’s wrong and we both end up in a complicated mess, I just want to know…

Is he going to kiss me? I ask myself as his hands brush my cheeks. Is this really happening? I fall into a trance, the sensation of his hands holding onto my cheeks switching off my brain completely. All I want to do is fall into his embrace, I want him to hold me, I want to know what it’s like to be the girl in his arms, I want to succumb to the temptation that’s been circling between us ever since we first met, I want to do the taboo thing and actually have some fun for once, screw the consequences.

I rise up onto my tip toes as my heart hammers violently against my rib cage. My lips purse without me even thinking about it, getting themselves ready to get the prize and finally kiss Evan…

Ring, ring… Ring, ring… Ring, ring…

His cell phone blasts out, interrupting us both, which breaks the magic of the moment completely and causes me and Evan to fall apart as reality creeps back in. We really shouldn’t be this close, we cannot be kissing. His phone ringing actually happened at exactly the right moment then, it stopped us from doing something incredibly stupid. Something we would have regretted for sure.

“I better answer this,” he says in a shaky tone of voice. “It might be… important.”

Back to the secret phone calls, of course. Just another reason why me and Evan are incompatible. I need these reasons. “Yes, of course, you answer away. I’ll just wait here.”

He steps to the side of a building and he talks quietly into the handset. I don’t listen but I couldn’t hear even if I wanted to. Let him have his crazy secret little life, it’s probably a wife or something equally crazy. The rich asshole types who are sleeping with their secretaries usually do have wives. Instead I use the time to remind myself that me and Evan are in public and we are also working together, so we need to behave as such. We can’t be kissing or even almost kissing, it just isn’t right.

Once Evan comes back to me, he keeps his cell phone pointed in my direction which is strange. During the short time that I’ve spent with him he’s always really weird about his phone, keeping it close to him. Now, I can see a little insight into his life and what I see isn’t expected at all.

“Who’s that?” I ask while pointing to the phone screen. “Who’s that young boy?”

His face pales, he looks a little freaked out by my question which only piques my interest even more. “Oh, well I don’t tell many people about this, because you know, it’s my private life and everything but it’s…” He pauses and breaths deep, seemingly panicking. “He’s my son.”

My heart falls out of my shoes, I don’t know what to think. He has a son? I mean, I know I thought that he might have a wife, but a child…? That’s something else. He’s like an actual family man. All of a sudden, the image I have of him out screwing a different supermodel every night shatters into nothing. Maybe I’ve misjudged him and he isn’t like that at all.

“You have a son?” I ask quietly. “I didn’t know that. I mean, of course I didn’t know that. You’ve just said that you don’t tell anyone… but wow.” I glance up at him, the shock plastered across my face. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m shocked but I am. You have a son.”

“Yeah well,” he shrugs. “I don’t make it obvious to everyone because I want to protect my son. He’s already been through so much in life, with losing his mother.”

“He… he lost his mother?” I feel like I’ve been gut punched. I really did get Evan wrong. Not only does he have a son who he raises single handedly while running a business – well probably with a bunch of nannies, but without a wife – he’s also lost someone that he loved.

“Er, yeah.” He seems uncomfortable, like he’s just realized what he’s said. “She died in a car crash… with my parents in the car too. They were on the way to pick up Victoria’s wedding dress.”

I’m gob smacked. Utterly silence. What am I supposed to say about something like that? I haven’t ever been through something so emotional in my life, I don’t feel like I have any experience to draw upon. “I... I’m so sorry,” I eventually reply lamely, cringing as I speak. “I can’t even begin to imagine what that must have been like. It sounds awful. You must be very brave.”

“I cope,” he replies with a thin smile. “Some days I don’t feel like I am coping, but I try.”

I nod slowly, wondering how I managed to get Evan all wrong. Part of being a lawyer is being able to read people well, it’s about understanding the complexities of the people that I’m working with, but all I’ve done is judge Evan on my very incorrect first impression of him. Because of his money and his attitude, I thought that he was something that he isn’t, and now I feel horrible about myself.

I cock my head to one side, seeing Evan in a totally different light. This is a man who loves his business, who works hard because he has a son to raise alone because the boy’s mother died in the same accident that killed his parents, and he hides all that from the rest of the world.

No wonder he’s been having sex with Ally, I think wryly to myself. He probably needs to blow off some damn steam!

The realization that Evan is actually this incredible guy makes me want to revert back to where we were before when his hands were on my cheeks and we were moments away from kissing. I want to kiss him now, I want all the complications surrounding us to vanish so we can just be to ourselves but of course that isn’t ever going to happen.

Damn it, now I like him even more. This is such a mess.

“We, erm, we should probably get going, right?” I ask with a bright, fake smile on my face. “We have a lot of work to do, right?”

Evan looks disappointed, but he nods. “Sure, yes, we do. Lots of work to do.” He grabs onto my arm to stop me, before we can make it to the office. My breath hitches in my throat as I think he might be about to give me what I so desperately want… but then he talks instead. “Please don’t tell anyone what I told you, about my son I mean. I don’t want that to become common knowledge.”

“No, of course I won’t,” I reassure him rapidly. “Your secret is safe with me.”

It feels nice to have a secret for just me and Evan, it builds our bond even tighter. What we don’t have is a sexual thing, but we do have something else. Something that I hope might even be better… maybe.