Chapter Six – Katy

The music is too loud, I can feel it radiating through my entire system. It’s actually pulsing so deeply that it’s making my ear drums ache. I don’t want to be in a night club tonight, I want to be in bed. Tucked up under warm duvet covers, reading a book or drifting in and out of sleep… somewhere quiet and peaceful so I can actually hear on my birthday. If I have to be out, I’d much prefer to be somewhere quiet where me and Robyn can share some drinks and conversation, but somehow, I’ve lost complete control of the night and here we are. In a sticky club, listening to awful music.

“I’m headed out for a smoke,” Jon mouths to Robyn, while pointing to his friend, Bear or Baz or something. Some oaf anyway that I’m already sick of. “I’ll be right back.”

Becca, Hetty, and some other girl who’s name I’m not sure of are on the dance floor, so I suppose I’m at least alone with Robyn for the moment. We can’t talk much, but it’s better than being surrounded by shrieking giggles. The other girls are nice but I don’t really know them very well.

“Are you okay?” Robyn leans in to speak into my ear. “Are you having a good night?”

I suppose I could tell her the truth, I could admit that I don’t like it here and that I want to leave, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings. She’s planned all of this night for me, she thinks this is what I need, to ‘blow off some steam’ I think her exact words were. I don’t want to upset her now.

“Yeah it’s great,” I yell back, with a fake bright smile on my face. “Really awesome.”

“We should go and dance in a moment. Join in with the other girls, you know?”

As she points towards the dance floor, a wave of exhaustion hits me once more. I nod then indicate towards my nearly empty glass as if I want to finish that first.

“So, how are things at work?” I can tell that she’s just trying to engage me in a conversation that she thinks I’ll actually want to discuss, but tonight is the one night that I really don’t want to talk shop at all. I just want to forget about it completely. It makes me clutch my glass in anger at the mere mention of the word. “All going well? When do you have your partner meeting?”

I roll my eyes. “I’m not too sure yet. I think next week, but you know what the seniors are like. They are always too busy to actually do anything in house when they say that they’re going to.” I breathe out deeply. “And work sucks. I’m having a terrible time at the moment. I have this new client that I can now see Grant dumped on me for a very good reason…”

“Grant passed a client off to you?” Robyn widens her eyes in shock. “That’s not like him.”

“I know, right? Especially just before a partner meeting. I thought that it was strange too, but now I can understand it fully. He’s trying to stitch me up.” I speak so rapidly and angrily that I don’t think Robyn gets every single word which I can tell from her blank nodding at me. “Anyway, now I’m stuck working for Evan Debroils and he’s an asshole.” I shake my head. “An utter asshole.”

“So, you’re working for someone who you don’t like?” Oh, it seems Robyn picked up on some of it. “Why don’t you just tell him where to go? That’s what I would do?”

“Well, it just doesn’t work like that. I can’t just turn him away, not so close to a partner meeting. I have to somehow just make it work. Even if he’s infuriating, and he makes me seriously mad.”

“How come?” Robyn sucks on the straw and gives me a curious look before leaning back in to hear me properly. “What’s he like? This Evan guy…?”

“Arrogant, annoying, he doesn’t want to hear anything that I have to say.” I feel like I’m letting out the tension bit by bit as I rant. “He even got annoyed when I turned up instead of Grant and I’m sure it’s because I’m a woman.”

“Yeah, I get all of that. Rich asshole. What I’m asking is what does he look like?”

“Oh.” I purse my lips and shrug. “I guess he’s the typical tall, dark, and handsome type. He certainly seems to have all the women in his office fluttering around him like bees near honey.”

“Ooh, he sounds hot. I like the sound of him.” Robyn shifts playfully in her seat. “Do you think that maybe you might like him?”

“Huh?” My cheeks flame as I even consider the possibility. “Do I like him? No way, I don’t like him at all. He’s horrible. One of the worst people that I’ve ever had to work with.”

“But you just said that he was good looking?”

Much as I really didn’t say that at all, I don’t bother to argue. Not on that point anyway because I know that he is good looking if you don’t consider his personality. If I hadn’t ever spoken to him and I saw him in a place like this, then maybe I would think him handsome. But I do know him and I don’t like him at all. Plus, I don’t think he would ever come to a place like this anyway. He’s the sort of man that would be more comfortable in a high class joint with expensive champagne behind the bar and supermodels dotted around, looking for men to hook up with.

He will probably take one of those supermodels home with him as well. Of course, he will. I mean he is a good looking rich guy, and girls who like that sort of thing don’t care about personality. They just want someone gorgeous with a fit body who knows what they’re doing in the bedroom. He’ll have his hands all over the woman in a second, touching her flushed skin, brushing over her breasts, pushing his firm abs and his thick cock up against her…

God damn it what is wrong with me? I need to get a grip. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been laid in a long time, I haven’t had time to get with anyone so I’m a little bit needy. That’s why there’s a buzzing in my underwear that hasn’t got anything to do with the music, it has nothing to do with the arrogant Evan. I don’t care about him at all.

“I don’t know,” I finally say to Robyn, needing to say something. “I don’t know what I think about him, I’ll just keep my head down and continue going until the partner meeting comes up.”

“But…” Robyn bites down on her bottom lip as if she’s uncomfortable with whatever she’s about to say next. “But what happens if you don’t get it?”

My stomach drops out. I feel a sickness swirling. I keep trying my hardest not to think about that possibility but it’s there all the time. Robyn reminding me on my damn birthday is just a killer move. I know she isn’t trying to be cruel, but that’s the effect that it’s had on me all the same. I just want to shrivel up into a ball and weep like a baby. The thought of my life without that partnership title will be awful. I know I’ve been all brave and tried to consider what it’ll be like if Grant gets the job, but the reality… I don’t know if I can handle it. Can I go back to taking on all the shitty bits of work knowing that I could have been the one dealing it out?

“I don’t know,” I whisper back. “I don’t know what will happen.”

“You’ll survive it, you know that.” Robyn touches my arm softly and gives me a loving smile, supporting me through and through. “You’re strong enough to get through anything.”

“I don’t know about that,” I admit. “I don’t know if I can. I feel like I’ve put so much into this that it’ll kill me if I don’t get it.” Tears ball up behind my eyes, I feel like I could cry at any given moment. “Sorry, I don’t want to get emotional, especially not tonight…”

“You need to dance.” Robyn decides to give up on talking and she grabs onto my arm. “Come on, you need to let go a bit. You’re so tightly wound up, you need to let loose.”

I really don’t want to, but it’s either that or sit in a chair weeping like a baby, in a club on my birthday. Crying over work is sad enough anyway, doing it on my one and only night out in forever, is just plain pathetic. If Evan is going to be out hooking up with supermodels – not that it matters one bit what he’s doing – and Grant is going to be at home with his perfect girlfriend, plotting my demise, then I need to try and have some fun. Enjoy myself before everything goes to shit again.

I let Robyn drag me up until we reach the other group of people then I sway my hips in time to the music. I feel uncomfortable, especially when everyone else looks so carefree, but I stick to it. Luckily, I have some alcohol floating through my system – not too much because I do have to be in the office tomorrow morning to catch up on some work – so I can get over my inhibitions and have some fun. I can dance and enjoy my birthday like a normal person would.

Men dance around us, some of them try to infiltrate our group as we dance, but none of the girls let them for which I’m really glad. I’m having enough of a nightmare dealing with Evan and Grant, the two men currently in my life, I don’t need any more. None of them are attractive enough to catch my eye anyway, not when I’ve spent a whole week with someone who is basically an Adonis.

No, I can’t think about him… I need to concentrate on having fun.

I listen only to the music, forgetting about the world as much as I can, and eventually I sort of manage to have some fun. It isn’t like me at all, but that’s the good thing about this night. I’m stepping out of my shell and doing something completely different. This is what people do, isn’t it? This what all the people who work normal jobs do… they enjoy themselves as much as possible.

“Thank you for this,” I eventually lean in and say to Robyn. “This is the best birthday ever.”

She grips onto my hand and smiles at me. My heart explodes with love for this woman as she does. I’m so lucky to have her, I’m so glad that she’s stuck around for me when no one else has. “I’m glad you’re having a good time. You deserve to have a nice birthday.”

I part my lips, ready to thank her and to say something about her being the best friend ever, but before I get the chance to do so, Jon comes back and he circles his arms around Robyn’s waist, holding her close to him and my chest aches painfully. I am so happy for Robyn, she deserves to find someone nice, but she just reminds me that I still have absolutely no one. I don’t have anyone wanting to hold me, wanting to hug me, wanting to love me.

I’m lonely, I think sadly to myself as I look away. I am really lonely. This suck and the worst part is I want to do something about it, but I just don’t have the time.