Chapter Nine – Logan
With Pru sitting on the other side of the car to me, I feel very strange. When discussing this trip with the bosses, I managed to pass it off as a very professional journey, just to help one of the more problematic children move on with what she wants to do, but now it doesn’t feel that way at all. There’s an odd atmosphere between us that I cannot quite put my finger on.
Pru looks different, I think that’s a part of it. She has a dress on today, a simple white slip dress that hangs just above her knees. It’s a very conservative dress, just like the rest of her clothes, but out of the center she looks much more grown up in it. With her pale blonde hair hanging lose, skimming her shoulders, and a wisp of make-up covering her face, she looks good. I want to tell her as much to give her a boost but still I don’t. Still I need to be careful with my words.
“So, there’s a café not far from the first apartment you’ve got a viewing to look at, so I think we should go there for something to eat,” I tell her instead. “Does that sound good to you?”
“Sounds perfect.” She turns and gives me a wide smile. “I can’t wait for some real food.”
“Are you suggesting that the food in the center isn’t top notch?” I tease her playfully.
“No, not at all… but yeah. I suppose you’re right. It can be pretty terrible.”
“I erm…” Pru bites down on her bottom lip. “I don’t have any money with me though.”
“Oh no, I know that. I didn’t think you would. I’m paying, so don’t worry about it.”
I know she’s one of the kids who hasn’t got any money to start with. I did wonder if that would change with the passing of her father, but these things can take time and the center hasn’t heard of anything quite yet. I hope if there is anything it’ll come for her soon to help her out. I don’t think she knows quite how much she’s going to need it. It’s very expensive to live alone.
Eventually, I pull up the car in the nearest car park to the café and I stop the car. Me and Pru get out of the car and walk towards the café. I can’t help looking around to see if people are staring at us, wondering what we’re doing together. I suppose it must look strange… but no one is even bothering to glance my way. It’s just my own guilt making me act like a crazy person, that’s all.
There’s nothing to worry about, I do my best to convince myself. This isn’t weird.
Of course, it is in my head, but that’s only because of all the crazed sexual fantasies I’ve been having. No one knows about that, so there really isn’t anything to worry about. It’s worse right now because we’re out of the center, but I can hold it together… I’m sure of it.
I take Pru into the café, smiling to myself as her eyes light up. This is such a simple thing, the sort of thing that people do all the time, but because of the way Pru’s life has been this is all new and exciting. Her mother passed away when she was young, her father never did anything with her, then she’s been stuck in the center. This is like a vacation for her.
“What do you want to eat?” I ask as we take our seats. “You can have whatever you want off the menu. I don’t know how much choice there is, but I’m sure it’s more than at the center.”
“Ooh. Can I have bacon pancakes?” she gushes. “That sounds amazing.”
“Yes, of course you can! Like I said you can have whatever you want. More, if you like?”
She shakes her head, happy with what she’s decided on, so call the waitress over to order the same for myself too. The waitress gives me a little bit of a curious look as we order our food, but I don’t react to it. There’s a part of me that wants to scream this isn’t a date, but I don’t. That would make me look like the craziest bastard in the whole damn world. But being too defensive, will only make me look even guiltier. I don’t want Pru to think I’m a freak either.
I suppose, if I’m ready to really acknowledge it, there is a chemistry between me and Pru. It’s a deep connection, one that could be interpreted in many different ways. I know she can feel it, probably even more than me, but we cannot talk about it. Ever.
The food arrives and we both eat in near silence. As Pru really enjoys her meal, like it’s the best thing she’s ever eaten in her whole damn life, I ponder over how the day is going to go. I think this might be good for me, it’ll make me really face reality that she’s leaving. Hopefully that will pull all the inappropriate thoughts from my mind. Something has to!
“Right.” Once we’re done, I stand up and indicate for her to follow. “We better get going, your viewing is soon. I’m excited to see this place, it’s a nice area.”
I have a very strong feeling that the apartment here is going to be way out of Pru’s price range, but I’m not going to sully her excitement by pointing that out. This is only a day of looking anyway, she’s not going to settle on anything I’m sure. At least not until she’s been to her job interviews and she’s worked out how she’s going to be paid. It all needs to work together to flow.
“Yes, it does.” I can hear the hesitancy in her voice. Maybe she understands the expense more than I’ve given her credit for. “It’s just the first one of many, but I had to start somewhere.”
As we walk across the road next to one another, I’m acutely aware of every inch of her body. I know that I could easily reach across to hold her hand, to go the whole hog and act like I’m her boyfriend, which is a weird thought. I never ever want to hold anyone’s hand!
Thankfully when we get into the building, the realtor is there waiting in the lobby, which saves us an agonizing journey up to the fifth floor in the elevator. I don’t know if I’d be able to survive that sexual tension without someone here to break it. The realtor is chatty, so it’s completely distracting.
“Have you looked at many places?” she asks me and Pru as if we’re together. I look away, refusing to meet her eyes to allow Pru to answer instead. Hopefully she’ll make it clear.
“No, this is the first place I’ve seen,” Pru says with a coy excitement. “So, I’m really looking forward to it. I might not be able to make any decisions right away until I’ve seen a few…”
“Oh no, I completely understand,” the realtor reassures her. “Don’t worry about it. I know what it’s like. You have to check out a few places before you can decide. Just know that I do have a few people interested, so if this is the home you want you might have to move quickly.”
Pru looks worried, but I roll my eyes. I know this is a trick, realtors always say things like that to make people feel panicked into making a decision. When we get a moment alone, I’ll make sure Pru knows not to be bullied into anything that she isn’t one hundred percent sure of. The last thing I want is for her to start her new life wrong. I don’t want her to take on a home that she cannot afford.
I’ll help her not to make that mistake, that’s why I’m here after all.
Inside the apartment, I’m quite impressed. It’s a fairly nice place with a bit of space, but I don’t want to like it too much because I know it won’t work out for Pru. She’s going to have to set her sights unfortunately much lower. The realtor gives her the spiel about the place, but I barely listen. I wander over to the window and take a look out at the city as I do. It’s a big wide world out there, a scary place for anyone. I don’t think I’ve ever considered how much more frightening it is for some of our kids. They don’t have the life experience to survive. Someone keeps tabs on them, but I haven’t ever really bothered before. I know I will with Pru, I’ll have to know how she is.
Eventually, Pru grips onto my arm and she gives me a look. I can tell that she’s done here but she doesn’t know how to say it, which leaves it up to me. Luckily, I don’t mind shooting people down. I can be Pru’s voice until she finds her own.
“Thank you very much, but actually we do need to get going,” I say in a firm, but friendly tone of voice. “We will be in touch though, if this is what Pru decides in the end.”
As we say our thank you’s and goodbye’s I can feel Pru’s gratitude rolling off her in waves. It gives me a strong sense of pride, I’m happy with what I’ve done to help her. She needs it after all. And it works too. I can tell as we leave the first apartment and we get into the car to drive to the next, she’s a bit more settled and confident. I hope that’s given her a clue about what she really wants.
***
I tap my fingers against the steering wheel and I glance over to the restaurant where Pru is inside having her very first job interview. She was shaking before she went inside, she was so damn anxious it made me want to weep for her. But we went through some of the self-confidence techniques we’ve discussed before, and eventually she went inside.
She’s been in there so long now, what can they possibly be talking about? Admittedly I’ve never worked serving people before, but surely there are only so many questions they can ask. I’m starting to get worried. Any moment I’m going to burst in there and demand that they set her free.
Before I can make that insane, over protective move, the doors to the restaurant swing open and Pru comes out with a giant, flushed smile on her face. She looks pleased, which I have to assume is a good thing. The interview must have gone really well.
She slides into the passenger’s seat and turns to look at me with shining eyes. “I got the job,” she declares happily. “I mean, I don’t think I’m going to take it because I don’t think I’ll like it, but they loved me and I got it!”
“Of course, you did!” I get caught up in her elation and I offer her a high five, which she takes happily. “Of course, they love you, and the good thing is, now you know more about what you want. Shall we go onto the next job?”
There’s a dangerous pause where our eyes connect and I can feel that tension building. The sexual chemistry that sizzles and burns brightly between us wildly. There’s definitely something between us and now I’m certain that we both know it… but that doesn’t change anything. Even if she stirs me up and makes me feel things that I don’t know what to do with. We have to keep away.
“Yes,” she finally says, breaking the moment for the both of us. “Let’s go. I still have a lot of people to see today and it feels like I’m on a roll.”