Chapter Twenty Four – Serena
I hang up the phone and throw it across the bed with tears in my eyes. I just cannot believe it. After months and months of hearing nothing, he calls me now with that attitude? He has to be kidding me!
“Who was that?”
Relief floods me as Jenny walks in the room. Thank God she’s back, I don’t know how I would do this without her. She keeps insisting that she didn’t come back from her life dancing on the cruise to look after me, that it was because she got a chance to dance in a music video – which I know is true, she’s been in a few – but I think a part of it was me as well. She feels bad for me, she thinks I’m young and naïve and I’ve been stupid.
She’s right, and I hate that she’s right.
“It was Ben.” I can’t see any point in lying to her, not when I’m on the verge of tears. “He rang me up saying it’s his right to know what’s going on with the baby.”
“He what?” she shrieks. “Are you freaking kidding me? What an asshole. He has no right. He hasn’t been to any of the doctor’s appointments, he hasn’t even bothered to see you, what the hell gives him any right to do anything?” She bangs her fists down on the table in frustration. “He’s probably been out there doing God knows what with God knows who and you’ve been pregnant with his baby the entire time. I’m about to kick some ass.”
“He was drunk as well. I don’t know if he’s drunk from last night or drunk from this morning.” I shake my head, disappointed in what happened to Ben. Although maybe this didn’t happen, maybe he was always like this and I just didn’t see it. “But yeah, he’s a mess.”
Jenny smiles at me, but I can see the strain behind her expression. She’s mad, but she’s trying to hide it. “Yeah well it’s just a good job that he isn’t in your life anymore.... do you have work this morning?”
“Urgh, yeah.” I don’t mind my new job at the moment, I’m quite happy temping in an office, spending most of my time photocopying, it isn’t taxing and the people there are pleasant enough, but I’m constantly worried about the dwindling bundle of money that Mom and Dad gave me. I still have plenty, but I’m sure it won’t be plenty once the babies come. The job doesn’t pay enough. Plus, admittedly, I am a bit of a freak there with my absolutely massive swollen belly. Turns out a twin pregnancy is much bigger than a normal one. “I’m just on my way out now actually. Do you have anywhere to be today?”
She leans in and stage whispers to me. “I’m dancing in another video today. No names, but it’s that of a famous rapper.”
I love that Jenny is getting far with her career, she deserves it. I’m not surprised, she’s feisty and fiery and a go getter. She’s good at dancing too, much better than I thought she was which is actually not that surprising. Trust my best friend to have some secret amazing talent.
“That’s awesome. I can’t wait to see it.”
“Come on, we’ll walk to the subway together... oh hang on, I just need to grab my bag, wait a minute...”
As she leaves the room, I hear my cell phone bleep out and a message plasters across the screen. The phone number is Ben’s so my eyes immediately roll up into the back of my skull, just to stop me from crying. I don’t want to hear from him, I don’t ever want to speak to him again. Doesn’t he get that? Didn’t I make that very clear?
‘Serena, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean too...’
That’s it, nothing more. Half a badly written message is all I deserve. Makes sense, I suppose that’s a bit like what our relationship was like. Half hearted, slightly uncaring, doomed to failure. Now I just need to get through the next few months without speaking to him again. I don’t need to concentrate on him anyway, I’ve got two up and coming babies to think about...
***
‘Serena, please don’t keep ignoring me...’
I don’t even bother to read this one. The last two and a half months has been full of these messages. One he even pretended was from his Mom, it was tragic. I just don’t want anything to do with him anymore, and no amount of endless messages is going to change that. I gave him his chance and he screwed it up. I don’t want him messing up our babies like he has me. I have to be strong enough for the both of them.
“Him again?” Jenny asks with concern in her eyes. “Are you just going to keep on ignoring him forever more?”
“What are you on about, Jenny? You were the one ready to kick his ass not that long ago.” I can’t believe she actually looks like she might not be on my side for once. “I can’t think about it now. I have this heaving bump to worry about. I don’t care about him, just like he’s never cared about me.”
A guilty expression crosses Jenny’s face and I can tell that something has happened. I don’t know if I want to know what really, but at the same time I’m desperate to. I shove my hands onto my hips the best that I can and I glare at her until she finally reveals all.
“I ran into Tia today...”
“Tia? My old roommate? The girl that you fell out with over a guy?” I can’t believe it, this is insane. I thought they despised one another, it’s one of the reasons that I don’t see Tia much anymore myself. “What the hell?”
“Well, Mike is back in her life. Or at least, he’s trying to be. So we got together to hatch up a revenge plot. It was good for me to go back anyway, I haven’t seen the guys from CeeLow’s for a while.”
I’m stunned, almost into silence. “What do you mean? What happened?”
“Well, after we hatched our revenge plan – which I’ll totally tell you about later because it’s brilliant – you came up. Ben too. She sees him a lot because he comes into the club...”
“Drinking and sleeping with women, no doubt.”
“No. None of that actually, he comes into the club to talk to her because he’s lonely. He misses you like crazy and he wants to change. Apparently he really is sorry and he does want to be involved with the babies lives. It seems like he really is a different person.... and I know Tia wouldn’t say all of that if she didn’t mean it.”
I clutch onto my stomach as a wave of pain hits me. It’s shock, I know it is, I cannot for the life of me believe what I’m hearing. “I don’t need this now, Jenny. In case you haven’t noticed I’m about to have my babies. I don’t want to even think about him. I don’t care how sorry he is or whatever. It’s come much too late.”
Jenny moves over to me and she rubs my back in a reassuring gesture. “I know you don’t need this, Serena, but I think it’s best that you hear what’s going on, don’t you?”
I breathe deeply, a hotness radiates right through my body at a million miles an hour. My head is dizzy, I feel sick, it’s as if I’m going into real life shock. “I don’t... I don’t know...”
“Serena?” Her voice sounds different now, I almost can’t hear her. “Serena? Are you okay?”
“Hurts...” I splutter out. “It hurts.”
“Are you in labour? Are these contractions?” She’s panicking now, I can hear it, but that feels distant from me. I’m trapped in the bubble where it’s just me and my brain. “What do I do? Shall I call a doctor? Do we need to get to the hospital? What do we do? What does it say in your baby book?”
As she moves from me to try and figure out what she’s going to do I collapse onto the couch in agony. This isn’t supposed to be happening yet, I still have a couple of weeks. I wanted to work right up until the very end for the money, but now it seems that the end has come already.
I’m about to be a Mom. I’m about to really have these babies... all by myself.
“Oh my God.” I feel a popping sensation and then a weirdly warm water drips down my legs. This is too quick. I don’t know much about giving birth because I haven’t done it before but I know my waters shouldn’t have broken already. This is wrong, I need to be in a hospital quickly before I get some sort of infection. “Jenny, I need to go. We need to get to the hospital right now.”
She tucks her hands under my armpits and pulls me into a standing position. It’s hard because my body is resistant, but eventually we manage it. She gets me standing and calls a cab, all the while my body and my mind is a hot mess. I ache everywhere, bolts of agony shoot right through me, my mind is full of confusing thoughts.
The main one I think is I cannot do this alone.
“Jenny, I need him,” I tell her weakly. “I need him.”
“Him?” She guides me towards the door. “Him who?”
“Ben.” I know it’s wrong, but I can’t help myself. I want him by my side, I don’t want to be the one to blame for him missing the birth of his twins. If he doesn’t come, that’s his own choice. But it cannot be my fault. “I know what I said before, but I think he needs to be here.”
“Let’s get you into the cab first, then I’ll call.”
Things move in a blur, I don’t even know what’s happening. I sort of remember climbing into a cab, and I vaguely remember listening to Jenny on the call to Ben, but I don’t recall anything that was said, and I also remember arriving at the hospital but I don’t recall coming into a room or putting on a hospital gown.
“Did you dress me, Jenny?” I ask once the contractions stop for just a moment. “I didn’t put this on, did I?”
“I helped,” she admits. “But I didn’t do it. To be honest after witnessing this I don’t want to do any of it. You’ve really put me off having children ever. I don’t think I’ll have sex ever again.”
“Yeah, me neither.” My fingers grip to the edge of the bed as I rock back and forth on my feet. They keep telling me to get into the bed but I know that I can’t. The agony is too damn much. “Fucking hell, this hurts...”
“I’m sorry.” Holy fuck, is that Ben’s chocolaty voice? I spin to look at him with wide, shocked eyes. “That’s my fault.”
Jenny waits for a moment, flickering her eyes between us two, then she stands up to make a move. “I think I’ll leave you two alone. I’m sure you have a lot to talk about.”
Yeah, about seven months worth of stuff, but I honestly don’t think any of that will come out now. I can’t even think straight, never mind speak. This pain... it might just freaking kill me. And if it does, the first thing I’ll do is murder Ben for doing this to me.
What an asshole.
“Can I come in?” he asks sheepishly. “Is it okay for me to be here?”
“Argh,” I grown in sheer agony. “Yes, it’s fine, whatever. Just get over here and rub my back already. I need you.”