Chapter 4: Ashlyn Carter
I loved living in Ludwig, Texas; population not that many.
Growing up, my mother had always believed I’d find my way out of the small town and make it big in the city. She’d tell me stories of what I was destined to do, who I was meant to become. Sometimes, I was big shot lawyer standing in court and bringing justice to the world. Other times, I was a talented artist, singing my way to the top of the charts and wooing millions. In some, I was a doctor, healing the sick and fighting the good fight. All of them were always successful stories, and most importantly, involved leaving Ludwig, a little spit of a town that she always hated.
I hated to disappoint her, but in the end, I never left home. The truth was, I loved it here. I hated the big city with its noise and inhospitality, where no one knew who you were, and no one really cared. I didn’t want the crowd, the skyscrapers, the air that smelled like the world had a bad case of flatulence.
Give me the small-town life any day, and I was just fine. I cherished the relationships I had here, the mornings spent in my greenhouse, the nights when I could look up in the sky and actually see the stars that weren’t hidden behind the smog of the city. I liked being able to walk around without worrying about anything more than coming up with good conversation starters and wondering which book I’d be reading next.
Ludwig was my kind of town. My home. I wouldn’t give it up for the world.
“Hey, Ashlyn, beautiful morning!”
I smiled as I walked past the motel’s front office and waved to Chuck, trying my best to keep the flowers in my arms balanced. I carefully made my way around Chuck’s pickup and set my bundle down, one by one. Chuck came out to greet me, carrying his signature red mug with the words ‘World’s Best Dad’ in bright yellow colors printed on it.
“I see you’ve brought the lilies,” he said with a wide smile.
“Martha says the guests love them,” I replied, nodding as I looked about the motel and took note of what I would be replacing and what I’d be tending to.
“The few that we get do,” Chuck laughed. “Tell you what. How about you finish up with those and come in for some coffee and slice of apple pie? Martha made a fresh one this morning. Happy to spare you a slice.”
“I’d love to, Chuck, but you know I need to be on my way,” I said. I glanced around nervously and mustered a smile.
“Don’t worry,” he said, lowering his voice just a bit. “That son of a bitch stopped coming here. He knows better since the last time.”
I tried my best to keep my smile in place. “Don’t want to risk it,” I said. “Better get to work.”
I grabbed two pots of flowers and got to work putting out fresh flowers in all the rooms.
* * *
The son of a bitch that Chuck mentioned was Earl Lee Greene. And he was what my daddy would have called “my piece of shit ex-husband.”
In any other time or place, our marriage would have been a fairytale of the perfect Ludwig couple. We grew up together, our fathers were poker buddies and our mothers almost like sisters. Ever since middle school, I couldn’t keep my eyes off him and once we were teenagers, he couldn’t keep his hands off me. He was the guy all the girls wanted to be with, and I was just grateful to be his friend.
When high school came around and my body started changing faster than any of the other girls around me, Earl was quick to take notice. We spent a lot more time together, flirted like crazy, and ended up dating before I even knew what was happening. We were the envy of our school, your typical high school sweethearts that everyone compared their relationship to. When my parents died in a car accident right outside of Ludwig, his parents took care of everything, and were quick to make sure I was safe and didn’t need for anything.
When Earl didn’t get the football scholarship to Texas A&M he was hoping for, we ended up staying behind in Ludwig. We were married a year after high school, and for three years, my life had become a living hell. With no real skills other than chugging a football across the field, Earl ended up working as a lineman for Texas Light and Power. Compared to his successful father, a man who owned most of the cattle land around Ludwig, Earl was quickly labeled as the Greene family letdown. It was something he could never really shake off, and the fact that his old man ridiculed him as well, only made things worse.
Earl quickly found a mistress in alcohol, and slowly after that, a few other mistresses of the female variety on the side. He came home most nights smelling like whiskey and cheap perfume, and when I opened my mouth about it, his fists were his reply. I lost count of how many days I had stayed home because I didn’t want anyone to see my black eyes.
People constantly told me to seek help, to end the marriage and get the hell out of Ludwig. But I wasn’t going to run away from my home just because of Earl. I tried to get help, even talked to my in-laws about their son’s violent streak, but that never amounted to much. I had even gone to the Sheriff once, but no one in Ludwig wanted to get on Big Ben Greene’s bad side, and the result had been a darker side of Earl I had yet to familiarize myself with.
When I finally got my divorce, Earl never stopped harassing me, even passed by my house several times and threatened to kill me. Once he broke into my greenhouse and destroyed everything in it, something that devastated me because my flowers were truly all I cared about, but gave me grounds to file for a restraining order. It didn’t stop the harassment completely, especially since no one wanted to arrest Ben Greene’s son, but Earl was a lot more careful after that. I could finally get some peace when I was home, and a few of the townsfolk stood up for me whenever he was stupid enough to approach me in public.
Like last week, when he had come by the motel and tried to talk to me. I had been tending to the plants as usual when he had rolled in, honking loudly to announce his presence and smacking his gum in his mouth in that disgusting way I always hated. I had tried to ignore him, even tried to leave without talking to him, but he had stopped me and started shouting like we were still married and I was somehow still his personal property to treat any way he saw fit.
Thankfully, Chuck didn’t care for Ben Greene much, and really hated Earl. He had come to my aid, shotgun in hand, and a scowl on his face that showed Earl he meant business. I never found out if there had been any repercussions to what Chuck had done for me, but from the way business had gone on as usual, it seemed like the whole thing had gone by without trouble. I guess Earl had been a little too proud to make a big deal out of the incident to his daddy.
Still, I tried to get my work done as fast as possible, finished whatever errands I needed to get done in town quickly, and be home before Earl could find a way to ruin my day.
It wasn’t the best way to go about my life, but it worked.
Besides, I loved Ludwig. I wasn’t intending on letting the son of a bitch ruin things for me, even if it meant facing down his anger every single day.
* * *
Martha met me on the way out, and despite my protests, pushed me into the front office and sat me down with a piece of apple pie and coffee.
“Business is slow, and I need someone to talk to,” Martha said as she sat herself down across the table from me. “Besides, if I have to listen to Chuck bitch about how bad the Cowboys are playing one more time, I swear to god I’ll shoot him with his own gun.”
I laughed and sipped at the coffee, letting the hot liquid warm me up. “I see the girls aren’t here,” I commented, referring to the twins who were Chuck and Martha Pratt’s only employees.
“When things are this calm, we give them the day off,” Martha said. “Besides, they’ve got those SAT’s to study for anyway. They ain’t got a brain between the both of them and need all the time they can get.”
“I doubt they’re studying, Martha,” I giggled, taking a bite of the pie. It tasted like heaven.
“Well, that’s their problem, then, ain’t it?” Martha sighed. “We do what we can to help ‘em. If they’re gonna screw up their lives, then I don’t want it to be because of us.”
“I’m sure they’ll be fine,” I said with a smile.
“I want ‘em to get out of Ludwig, that’s all,” Martha replied. “There’s nothing in Ludwig for those two. Best thing’s send ‘em off to Austin or someplace else where they might have a chance at a normal life.” She looked at me, and I could almost sense what she was going to say before she said it. “Makes me wonder all the time why you’re still here.”
“Same reason you’re here,” I smiled, trying my best not to look frustrated at hearing the same thing over and over again. “This is my home. I have no desire to leave.”
“Honey, this ain’t a home for anyone,” Martha said. “You don’t choose to stay in Ludwig. You just kinda get stuck here when you ain’t got no other options.”
“Then I guess I’m stuck here.”
“You haven’t tried anything else,” Martha clicked her tongue. “That damn Greene boy stole away your ‘run-away’ years.”
I laughed and almost choked. “My what?”
Martha smiled and slapped my hand. “Don’t make fun of me, girl,” she said. “You know what I mean. Your run-away years. Those couple of years right after high school when you’re still young and stupid and fearless. You got the guts to just pick up and leave, without any plans, without any money. Just leave. Some come back, sure, when they realize they ain’t got anything to work with. But most stay away, because there’s so much the world’s got to offer outside this little town. And you could have used that, Ashlyn.”
“I don’t think so,” I replied, drinking my coffee and smiling at the image of a bunch of teenagers running away from town, barefoot and wild, as if escaping a prison.
“If your daddy had been alive, he wouldn’t have let you stay,” Martha said, a lot more serious. “I know your mama would have fought you out with her broom if she had to.”
“My mama dreamed a little too much,” I said. “Martha, honestly, I love it here. I’m happy. You don’t have to keep trying to convince me to leave.”
Martha turned and grabbed both my hands in hers, holding them in her lap as her blue eyes pierced mine. “You know something, Ashlyn?” she asked. “I pray for you. I pray that one day, some dumb Texas boy will come rolling into town, sweep you off your feet, and take you with him to some place far from here. Somewhere you can start over, fresh and all, leave all this behind and be the woman your mama wanted you to be.”
I smiled at her, feeling like I could hug her just for caring this much. But the truth was, the next time a man tried to sweep me off my feet, I would probably put two bullets in his head before blowing off mine. I didn’t want another relationship. Earl had made damn sure of that.
“Thank you,” I said, not wanting to crush her hopes and dreams for some miracle cure to what she thought my problem was. “By the way, the pie was delicious, and the coffee great. But I really need to get going.”
Martha sighed and shook her head. “You don’t ever hesitate to stay for coffee and pie, okay?” she said as I got up and let her walk me out. “We don’t spend enough time together, you and me.”
“I won’t, I promise,” I said. “Besides, I’ll be here tomorrow to deliver those roses you wanted for the lobby.”
“I’ll be waiting,” Martha said and waved as I got into my truck and drove off.
* * *
I was home an hour later, stocked up on groceries and ready to spend a few hours in the greenhouse. I had one of my mother’s old books with me, one I’d read a hundred times because it was her favorite, Bridges of Madison County, a story about a small-town woman who has an affair with a big city photographer. I knew that as she read the book, mother fantasized that someday a handsome man would pass through town to take her away. It never happened. She lived and died in a small town that smothered her like dirt on a coffin.
As soon as I had gone through my regular routine, checking the water, cutting and trimming, making sure everything was in order, I made my way back to the porch and settled down on the old swing.
I closed my eyes, letting my mind wander back to when I had sat here with my mother, curled up beside her with my head on her lap as she read to me from her book. It had been a magical time, a better time, one that kept playing and replaying in my head, making it impossible for me to even consider leaving this all behind.
I opened my eyes and let the light breeze wash over me, then lay down and opened my book, flipping to the last page I had marked. In the distance, I could hear the soft sing song of the birds, and all around me, the world seemed to slow down and embrace me with love. I quickly forgot about Martha and her desire to constantly convince me to leave. I forgot about Earl. I forgot about my parents being dead and that I was alone in this big house with only my plants to keep me company.
I began to read, losing myself in the love story, but not once thinking about being swept away by a knight on a white horse.
This was home.
This would always be home.
I’d never leave.
Never.