Chapter Twenty Six – Katy

I move sleepily through Evan’s home, still feeling a little lost through the endless maze of hallways. I’ve been here for over a week now and I still can’t get used to it. I just have one bedroom in my apartment, and three other rooms; a living room, a kitchen and diner room, and a bathroom. I can’t get lost in my home because I can see the front door wherever I turn. It hardly matters anyway because I’m never normally there. I already had my job at Harrison and Associates when I moved in which meant I’ve always been in the office from early in the morning until late at night.

This seems like much too much house for anyone, but I suppose it’s lovely for Liam. He has plenty of places to run about and play. I’m sure he loves it. Even more now that his dad is around more. I can tell that’s something that he’s always wanted, although I doubt he’s ever said it, and now he’s getting it he seems much happier. It’s lovely to see his face light up when Evan wants to play with him, which luckily is a lot since they’re both making up for lost time.

“Good morning.” Right away I spot Evan sitting at the dining table. Unlike me, who’s enjoying the new found lie ins in the morning, Evan cannot get out of the habit of being an early bird.

“Morning,” he replies with a smile. “How are you doing? You look a lot better this morning.”

“I know, I feel it too,” I admit as I take the seat opposite him. “In fact, I’m a lot better now, I probably should think about heading back to my apartment soon. I don’t want to outstay my welcome.”

If I’m totally honest with myself then I don’t ever want to leave. It isn’t just the house and the luxuries within it that I like, although the large soft bed is incredible, it’s like sleeping on a cloud, I’m just happy spending so much time with Evan and Liam. They’re an awesome pair who light up my days in a way that I didn’t know I needed. I love Liam’s laughter and his thirst for knowledge, plus the way he makes everything so much fun. He’s an adorable boy who I’m going to miss once I leave. And Evan too. I know we’re moving at a crazy quick speed but I really do love him. I just know and that’s enough for me… but I don’t want to push things too rapidly so he gets bored of me. I don’t know if some space will be good for us, Evan might need it. He might want it but he just hasn’t asked for it.

But then his face falls and I start to think that maybe the opposite is true. “You’re going?”

“Well, I don’t know.” I shrug regretfully. My cheeks flame brightly as I talk because of my discomfort. “I suppose I have to eventually, right? I can’t just stay here forever. You invited me to stay until I’m better and now I am… I guess I just don’t want to become a problem.”

“You aren’t a problem,” Evan shoots back in a hard voice. “Not at all. Me and Liam love having you around. It’s like a real home when you’re in it.”

His words coil around my heart and squeeze. I didn’t used to have any respect for my apartment at all, I didn’t care about it because it wasn’t a home to me. It was just a place I came to sleep and occasionally eat take out in between work shifts which I thought was fine because I was a successful career woman who was going somewhere. Now, I know that there’s much more to life than that and it makes me yearn for a home. I wouldn’t need any fancy things or luxuries within it, that isn’t what makes a home to me, it’s the family inside of the walls. The people who love me.

Thinking about having that one day makes my eyes fill with tears. I can’t help myself, I’m on the brink of weeping like a big baby already. “Sorry,” I stutter sadly. “I don’t want to upset anyone…”

“Oh no. Evan reaches across the table to hold my arm. “I don’t want to upset you, if you need to go home, you go. I don’t want you to feel like you have to stay. I just don’t want you to feel like you need to leave either. Me and Liam love having you here and neither of us are in any rush for you to go, so if you want to remain then please do so.”

His eyes are so filled with warmth and love, all I want to do is tumble into them. I just don’t want this moment to be a mistake, something that I look back on later with regret. I don’t want to think ‘oh if I hadn’t stayed and put too much pressure on us, then maybe we would still be together now’. I’m scared, and I think it’s my lack of experience in relationships, and in particular love, that’s holding me back. I want this, my heart wants this so damn badly, but my head is telling me to just be careful.

“You aren’t going!” Liam’s voice suddenly bursts through the moment, making me jump. “No, Katy, you can’t go! Me and Daddy love you here.”

He races to my side and flings his arms around me, effectively making my decision for me. I can’t exactly turn my back on a weeping child now, can I? I can’t break his heart further. He’s already lost so much in his life, I don’t want to take myself away from him too. Yes, I could still come back and visit but I know it won’t be the same. Especially not to him.

I guess I’m just looking for an excuse to remain as well, if I’m totally honest with myself. I don’t want to go when I’m having such a good time. Maybe for other people this would be too quick, but me and Evan have suffered through a lot of hard situations and we’ve come out of it stronger. It feels right for us at the moment and that’s all that matters. I’ll just have to ensure this isn’t something that goes wrong. If I’m conscious of it, then I don’t think it’ll become a moment that I regret.

“Okay, okay,” I laugh. “I won’t go yet, but I might have to at some point, okay?”

“Not today,” he insists, gushing into my arm pit. “Just don’t go today. I want you to stay.”

“Let’s go out for the day,” Evan says as he stands up. “I think we could all use a day out, couldn’t we? Go and do something fun in the city. We’ve all been cooped up for far too long now.”

“Can we go bowling?” Liam asks as he bounces up and down, all his upset long forgotten “And to see a movie? I want to see the new superhero one. I’ve wanted to see it for ages.”

He looks at me with such expectant eyes that I join in too. “Yes, we have to go and see that movie. It’s supposed to be amazing. Really funny. Oscar winning, even,” I tease. “The best yet.”

“Are you talking about the one where the characters are made out of blocks?” Evan asks, clearly not getting the appeal. “Are you serious? You can’t honestly want to go and see that you made that pair.”

Maybe it wouldn’t be my first choice of movie either, but I’m more than happy to do whatever Liam wants. Evan is right, it’ll be fun to get out the house whatever we do or see. I’m easy to go along with absolutely anything. “Of course, we do,” I say loudly. “You’ll love it when you see it, honest!”

“You will, Dad, you will,” Liam joins in while tugging his arm. “Get dressed so we can go.”

And with that, it seems that we’re about to have our very first family day out. It isn’t a position that I ever thought I would find myself in, but that’s okay. Maybe life is about all these unexpected twists and turns that shake things up. I’m certainly not complaining!

***

The movie theater is empty, aside from me, Liam, and Evan, which actually makes it a lot better. Liam sits in the seats in front of us, spreading himself across them and leaping around like a mad man whenever there’s any action on screen, and I can snuggle into Evan. Okay, so the movie might not be a romantic one, but the situation surrounding us certainly is, and I can feel myself falling deeper and deeper with every passing second.

“Thank you for this,” Evan whispers into my ear. “This means a lot to Liam.”

“You know, I think you assume I do these things just because I feel like I should, but that isn’t the case at all. I want to spend time doing the things Liam likes, I really enjoy myself with him.” I watch him bound through the room as he pretends to fly. I let out a little laugh as he thoroughly enjoys himself. I want to do this more often. “He’s a great kid and I have a good time with him.”

Evan grabs my chin with his fingers and he turns me to face him. “That’s what I love about you, you know?” He brushes his lips against mine gently. “You know, ever since Victoria died I haven’t ever even thought about bringing another woman into his life. She died when he was only a baby so he doesn’t remember her, but I didn’t want someone coming in and either resenting him or trying to replace that mother figure for him which I just know would make me uncomfortable, but you haven’t done any of those things. Without even trying you have just become a friend to him, which is amazing. I didn’t even know that it was possible.”

I’m blown away by his words, they’re much too sweet. “Oh wow,” I reply thickly. “That’s really something. I mean I haven’t tried to be anything to Liam, I guess we just click and we get on. I know it must be hard for him not having a mom, and I guess that will get worse when he gets older, but I wouldn’t ever want to be that to him. Just his friend, you know?”

“And that is why you are so perfect.”

As Evan kisses me again, I wonder what I did to get so lucky in life. I really do still feel that way, even now. I’m jobless, I’ve lost out on being partner, I’ve lost Grant which is something that I thought would crush me, but I’m doing incredibly well. All I had to do was take a step back from the hectic career that consumed me wholly and I’ve been given something so much better.

I’m so glad that Evan and Liam didn’t want me to go. If they had I would be sad at home now working myself up into a state of panic about everything. I’d be freaking out about my lack of career, all my confidence about being able to start up a business of my own would be gone, and I would also be panicked about where my relationship stood… instead I’m having a calm and relaxing day, one that’s filled with promise, and I love this version of myself.

“Hey, do you think you can get a babysitter one night?” I ask Evan in the spur of the moment. “I would love you to come and meet my friend at some point.”

“Uh oh, will this be the Spanish Inquisition?” I laugh and nod, with Robyn he might be right about that one. “Okay, fair enough. I don’t see why not. It actually might be fun.”