Chapter Twenty Two – Prudence
This is better, I think to myself as I smile and look around the store. Logan was right, I just need to keep on pushing forwards. It was too busy for my first day and I allowed that to overwhelm me, then I let one bad day send me backwards into a very dark place, but now I have confidence. Now I feel like I can really do this. Maybe that’s because Alice and Becky have been really nice to me, or because I’ve made a couple of sales, or maybe it’s because me and Logan finally had sex.
As I sit in the staff room at the end of the day, waiting for everyone else to gather up their stuff, all the memories of us sleeping together bursts into my mind. I have a cheeky, sexy secret and I love it so much. It makes me feel like I’m much less of a boring, quiet person. Now I’m worthwhile.
“You’re doing good, girl,” Alice declares loudly while circling my waist with her arm. “This has been a much better day for you, hasn’t it? And you didn’t even need all those sales tactics.”
I grin at her, letting my happiness shine through. “No, you’re right, I didn’t. I’m much calmer now, I think the first day nerves just got the better of me, that’s all. I’m more positive now.”
Alice flips her long red hair over her shoulder as she sits next to Becky. She’s pretty, like a delicate English rose with her pale skin and the smattering of freckles across her nose, but her deep brown eyes give her a cheeky look, and those voluptuous curves of hers make her so sexy it hurts. Becky has a completely different look; dark hair, dark eyes, tattoos all over her, but she’s equally as hot. Next to them I feel plain and simple looking, but I have Logan so it doesn’t matter.
“You know what, Prudence? You should come out with us tonight for a couple of drinks after work. We’re headed to a bar just around the corner from here, it’ll be really fun.”
My heart lifts with excitement. Yes, I know that me and Logan probably need to have a conversation about what’s to come next, but this is what I want, this is all part of my new life and the experiences that I want to have. Friends, bars, drinking, dancing. Logan will understand, won’t he? He knows more than anyone how important this stuff is to me. We can have our chat any time.
“Yeah, actually that sounds great.” I glance over at the laptop in the corner of the room. “Do you think it’d be okay for me to borrow Mr. Turners computer to send an email?”
“Oh yeah, we do it all the time.” Alice waves her hand dismissively over in the direction of it. “Why do you have plans to cancel? Can’t you just send a text message?”
My cheeks flame with embarrassment. There’s no way in hell that I can confess to this girl that I can’t text because I haven’t ever had a mobile phone. I’m doing my best to keep my past with my mother, my father, and the center long behind me, I don’t want anyone to know. At least not right now, maybe I’ll tell them when I’m ready, but this isn’t the time.
“Oh, my cell is broken,” I lie with a shrug. “I’m waiting for my pay check to get a new one.”
That’s going to be one of the first things I buy actually. Now that I have a life I need a cell phone to go with it, but for now I have to be content logging on to my email on Mr. Turners laptop. I fire off a quick email to Logan, hoping that he’ll see it and that it’ll be enough, then just as an afterthought I scribble his cell phone number down on a piece of paper and I slide it into my pocket. There’s a massive chance that I won’t need it, but I’d rather have it in case.
“Okay.” I turn to Becky and Alice grinning happily. God this has to be the best forty-eight hours of my life. First things happening with Logan, then work going well, and now friends. “Let’s go.”
I walk slightly behind the girls as we leave the store because I don’t know where I’m going and because I’m also a little concerned about how embarrassing this is going to be if I end up getting booted out of the bar because of my age. I can’t exactly explain my desperation to a bartender now, can I? I’m only just eighteen years of age, and I think that I look it too, whereas I know that Becky is already twenty-one. I think Alice is about nineteen but she has a fake ID, I heard her talking about it before. Maybe I’ll just have to be the lame kid who doesn’t drink booze. I never really wanted to before because of my dad, but this is the first time it feels like I’ll actually be missing out.
As we reach the bar, Becky heads directly for the bar counter while me and Alice get a seat in the back where we can’t easily be seen by anyone. Because she’s been the kindest to me, I open up.
“I’m actually a bit afraid that I’ll get kicked out,” I tell her quietly as I take my seat. Of all the people who I think might judge me, Alice isn’t that person. “Because I’m too young.”
“Oh, don’t you worry about it.” Alice doesn’t seem concerned at all. “Becky knows the bar man in here, she’s been sleeping with him for ages. And you look all grown up in your work uniform anyway, you could easily pass for twenty-one. Stop worrying about it, just have some fun.”
I nod slowly and suck in a breath. She’s right, and anyway, this is the sort of thing that teenagers do all the time… or so it seems from the high school movies that I’ve watched. A little bit of underage drinking is just fun. And at least I have Logan’s to go back to, I won’t be alone to choke on my vomit or anything. This is a good thing, this is fun, this is where I should be.
Becky comes to join us with a massive jug of some orangey looking liquid in it and three glasses beside it. I have no idea what it is, but I’m getting excited to try it. Alice pours us all a glass then holds it out in a cheers gesture. We clink them together and drink… well, they drink. They glug the drinks back rapidly. I sip. I try to slug a decent amount of it back to keep up with the girls but I don’t quite manage it. It’s hard to drink something that’s so fruity and bitter all at once anyway.
“Don’t push yourself,” Alice giggles. “You’ll end up sick, especially if this is your first time.”
I’m dealing with a lot of first times at the moment, and the other one certainly went well so I don’t see why this won’t either. I already feel lighter, like I’m floating on air, and happier too. I want to laugh and giggle with glee, I want to hug these girls, I want to dance the night away.
“Fill it up,” I say boldly to Alice. “Let’s get this party started, shall we?”
***
I don’t know how much time has passed, but I do know that I no longer feel like myself. The alcohol has control of me now, it’s claimed my vision, my stomach, my sense of rationality, all of it. For the first time in my whole life, I feel an affinity with my father. I understand why he did this so much now. It isn’t the nicest feeling in the world, but it’s freeing. I’m no longer bogged down with anything, I can even forget about him and his death. This must be how he felt all the time, just trying to forget about losing Mom. It doesn’t excuse his behavior, but I know why he went back.
“Are you okay?” Alice chuckles as she tucks her arm under my arm pits. “You’re swaying a bit now. Do you think it might be time to leave the dance floor?”
“No, I want to keep dancing,” I slur back at her. “It’s so much fun. I really like it.”
“Oh, I know you do, sweetie, but me and Becky are leaving now and we can’t leave you here by yourself. We need to get you in a cab home. What’s your address?”
I don’t know much, but logic is screaming at me that I can’t tell Alice my address or she’ll know that me and Logan are together. Instead, for some unknown reason it seems much more logical to just call him instead. I reach into my pocket and pull out the number.
“I don’t want a cab, I want this guy to pick me up,” I tell her strongly. “Can I borrow your phone? I promise I’ll only be on it for a moment, I won’t waste your minutes or anything.”
“No, you can.” She pulls her cell phone out but doesn’t immediately hand it to me. “Maybe I should call him for you because I don’t think you’re making much sense right now. I mean, do you even know where you are? Do you even know what club this is?”
She’s right, I don’t have a bloody clue, so I hand the number over willingly. She isn’t from the center anyway so there isn’t any way that she can make that connection between us. Plus, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind anyway. Even if she knew the truth, Alice is an awesome friend who wouldn’t judge me for anything. She’s so cool and laid back, I definitely have a girl crush on her.
She grabs onto my arm and pulls me out the club, and as the cold night air hits me I realize just how drunk I really am. I’m much more wasted now, somehow the fresh air of real life has hit me and shocked me. It’s a funny feeling that makes me want to giggle like a lunatic.
“So, who is this guy anyway?” Alice asks while punching in the numbers. “What’s his name?”
“Logan,” I whisper my secret to her. “His name is Logan and I want him to be my boyfriend.”
She raises a knowing eyebrow at me, but doesn’t say anything. Instead, she calls Logan and she asks him in a very professional sober tone for him to pick me up.
“How am I so much more wasted than you?” I ask once she hangs up. “That’s not fair.”
“Because you’re younger than me, and less experienced. But more importantly who is this Logan? He sounds older than you when I spoke to him then.”
“He is,” I chuckle like it’s hilarious. “But he’s really hot and kind too. You would really like him.” All of a sudden, I’m struck by a thought of horror. “Actually no, don’t like him. You’re way more beautiful than me so he will definitely like you back. Then I’ll have to act all happy while you guys fall in love and get married, all while my heart is breaking for him.”
“Okay, you’re definitely way too drunk now,” Alice insists. “Come on, let’s go and sit on this bench and wait for the mysterious Logan to come. I can’t leave you on your own.”
“But what about Becky?” I don’t even know where she is, I can’t remember when I saw her last.
“She’s gone back with the bar man, so it’s just me and you for now. How does that sound?”
“That sounds perfect.” I sit and rest my head on her shoulder. “Thank you, Alice, you’re a legend.”