Chapter Thirteen – Ben
“Hello, Mom,” I call out in a jovial tone of voice as I walk into my mother’s house. “How are you? You here?”
I figure I might as well visit to tell her the news about me and Serena so she will get all the information directly from me. The last thing I want is for her to pop round unexpectedly to find me living with a woman. She’ll get all kinds of the wrong impression. This is going to be hard enough to get across as it is. I don’t want to make it worse.
“Oh, Ben, you’re here.” She moves out into her hallway with a grin. “I wasn’t expecting you, was I? I didn’t forget that you were coming, did I?”
“No, no, this is unexpected. You aren’t busy, are you?” I glance around wondering if she has plans. Maybe a little phone call would have been a good idea. She could have friends round or anything. Why don’t I ever think things through? “I can always come back...”
“No, no, come on in. Take a seat and I’ll make us some coffee.”
As Mom goes into the kitchen I make my way into the living room and I perch my butt on the edge of her awful, floral couch that she loves so much. In the silence of the room I tap my fingers together while I try to work out how I’m going to word this. I don’t think I met a girl a couple of days ago and now she lives with me is going to go down well. Much as Mom wants me to settle down I know she wants me to be smart about it. With money in my pocket, and a lot of it at that, she won’t want me to be settled with a gold digger. I know that Serena isn’t that, but I know the story will make it sound like she is.
“So.” As Mom comes back in she can already tell that somethings is going on. Her gossip nose is twitching like crazy. “What can I be assistance with? I assume you’ve either come here to tell me something or to ask for help. Which one is it?”
“Erm... the first one. I’m here to tell you something.” I stall by taking a sip of my coffee. “But it’s a bit of a complicated situation so I just want you to hear me out okay?”
“Are you in trouble?” Her face pales, she looks a bit sick. “What’s going on?”
“No, no trouble,” I reassure her. “Nothing like that at all.” I sigh deeply, wondering if maybe I should have planned this a little better. “I just wanted to let you know that I have someone living at my house now...”
“Someone?” Her eyes light up, I can already see her getting carried away. “Like a girl?”
“Yes, a girl. But it’s not like that. Not really. She’s a friend in a time of need so I’ve offered her a place to stay.”
She gives me a look that suggests she can see everything inside my mind. “Please, Ben, don’t take me for a fool. I know better than anyone that the only reason you would let a woman into your home is because you’re interested in her. Now, tell me you haven’t kissed her and I might just believe you.”
“Okay,” I’m forced to admit. “I have kissed her...”
“Right, so now tell me what she looks like. She must be something pretty special to have tamed you.”
Mom settles in her seat, getting more comfortable as she waits for me to answer her. There’s a content smile on her face that I really wanted to avoid. I don’t want Mom to think this is me getting too serious. I’m already a bit freaked out with how serious this has become already.
I mean, not really, but I will if Mom starts chatting too much about it.
“She’s got long dark hair and bright green eyes, a pretty face too, but honestly, Mom, I don’t want you to get too excited by this without letting me explain.” Mom doesn’t say anything which gives me a moment to keep on talking. “This isn’t something huge and exciting. She’s just a girl that I like and I’ve been spending some time with. She got herself into a bit of a situation with her home and I’ve invited her to come and stay with me for a while just until she gets something else.”
Mom nods slowly. “So, where did you meet this girl?”
“She’s a waitress at a bar I go to a lot, but I know it’s a job that she isn’t happy with. I’m hoping that by staying with me she will be able to find her passion.”
“I see. I think... I think I might need to meet her, don’t you? I don’t want you to start getting mixed up with the wrong girl.”
“This isn’t me getting mixed up, Mom. I know what I’m doing. I know what I’m doing with Serena. It really isn’t an issue. I know that you’re worried about me but you honestly don’t have to be. She’s a good person, she just needs this help.”
“I’m going to be honest with you, I don’t think you need someone to take care of you, I think I just want to meet her to see what she’s like. I want to know what’s so captivating about her.”
I roll my eyes. There’s clearly no getting away from this. She will make herself known to Serena whether I like it or not. I think it’s best that I take control of things and make sure she doesn’t do anything too damn embarrassing just because she cares.
“You can, Mom, but she only just moved in yesterday and she has work tonight.”
“I thought she was giving up the job.”
“Well that’s what I told her to do, but she doesn’t want to leave the company in the lurch. She’s good like that. She’s just going to ask to work behind the bar a couple of nights a week rather than being a shot girl every night. I said she doesn’t need to do anything but she wants to pay her way and save up some money so she can eventually, you know, move out or go her own way or whatever. The tips won’t be as good, but she’ll still have some form of income.”
“Oh well that’s good. She has some form of independence then, she doesn’t want to live solely off you. I think I might like her even more now.” Mom pauses thoughtfully for a moment. “Maybe this is the one that you should marry.”
Still, even now after meeting Serena the idea of getting married is too much. The thought of a big white wedding, a lifetime commitment, a contract that’s really hard to get out of... it’s terrifying. I’m not old enough, not mature enough, not anything enough actually. The fact that I’m letting things progress this much with Serena is enough.
“Mom, don’t make it something stressful, I already told you not to get too excited. This is just me helping her out. You’ll see when you meet her, we like each other, but it’s nothing to get carried away about.”
“You like each other? That’s reason enough for me.” Mom sits back in her seat and sips her coffee triumphantly. Her expression almost makes me laugh, she looks so damn pleased. “So tell me more about her. How old is she? What does she like? What are her family like?”
As I reel off the minimal details I do know about Serena, Mom lights up. I can see that every word I say only makes her like her more. In one way I’m really happy, but in another I’m terrified. In the romance department I’ve always been a let down to my mother. I don’t want to continue on with that tradition.
“She sounds like a lovely small town girl. You will have to bring her out to have dinner with me some time. Maybe at the weekend?”
“Ooh, I don’t know, Mom. Maybe, it might be too soon though. I don’t want to put the pressure on.”
“Maybe I should just pop into the city sometime then, swing by and meet her then in a much more casual setting. What do you think?”
“Yeah, that would probably work, Mom, but if you do come around please be cool. Don’t come in all heavy handed and freak her out. There’s no point in giving me that look, you know as well as I do that you could.”
Mom holds up her hands in defeat. “Fine, if I pop by I’ll be good. I won’t say anything to embarrass you.” Her face softens and I can see that she’s about to talk about Dad before she even begin. “You know, my Dad always humiliated me in front of your dad when we first started dating. It was awful, I hated him for it. I was so desperate not to give him any reason not to love me and I thought my father would be a problem... luckily he wasn’t.”
“It seems like Dad loved you a lot, Mom.” I always feel silly and stiff when I make these remarks because I don’t know. He might be genetically a part of me, but that’s it. “From everything that you’ve told me, it sounds like you had it great.”
“Let me go and get some pictures,” Mom says wistfully standing up. “I haven’t looked through the photographs in a while, but hearing about you and Serena has inspired me. You don’t mind, do you?” I shake my head, knowing that she will anyway. “Oh he would be so proud of you, finding the one.”
“I didn’t say that she’s the one Mom...”
But it’s too late, she’s already gone leaving me to stew in the sheer terror that she’s instilled in me. I know Serena isn’t expecting much, I can tell that she understands me, but what if that changes? What if our differences suddenly become too apparent and that translates into what we want? What if this is all novelty at the moment, and it wears off? What if just as I’m getting bored, Serena is getting more into it? Or the other way around, I can’t deny it could happen that way too...
Oh God, just stop it, I warn myself. I knew this would happen, coming to see Mom. I just need to stop freaking out before I wreck everything.
I get up and pace the room while I wait for Mom to come back with the endless photographs. There’s far too much of an itch in my foot for me to keep still. It’s okay, logically I’m sure it’ll be fine if me and Serena take this one step at a time, but now my brain is a bit too messy for that to be the only thought I have.
“Ooh, look, I’ve found one where he looks just like you.” Mom’s back and she has the photos with her. “Same eyes, same hair, same everything.”
Maybe getting myself lost in the past for a little while will help me to forget about my uncertain present. It’ll keep Mom distracted too, and since she’s the one pushing for me to have a happy ever after, she’s the one I need to calm down. The wild dancing look in her eyes is already dying down, if I can just get her to forget about Serena for long enough so I can leave without her messing me up even more, then that’s what I’ll do.
“Let me have a look. Mom.” I take the picture from her, trying to ignore the sheer pain it gives me inside. This isn’t for me, this is for Mom. I’ll do anything to keep her happy. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen that one before.”