Chapter Six – Serena
“Is it really four AM?” I ask wearily as my aching feet throb in my shoes. “I can’t believe it’s so late.”
“Yeah, that’s the game when working in the shots game,” Jenny giggles as she replies, looking fresh as a damn daisy. How is it fair that she gets to look so good? I could scream with utter frustration. I haven’t looked in a mirror but I can guarantee that I look as tired as I feel. My bed is screaming out for me, but it’s too far away. I cannot wait to fall back into it... but it’ll be in the knowledge that I’ll be back here again soon enough, doing this all over again.
After leaving Ben, things quickly went downhill. The other man was horrible to me the whole time, touching me in ways that I really didn’t want to be touched and laughing at me when I asked him not too. I don’t know if I can complain about that, since it’s only my first night I don’t know if that’s just part of the game. It did get me plenty of tips, that’s the one good thing. I probably have enough cash stuffed in my pocket to pay my rent for the next three months... and that’s just for one night. If it keeps going like this at least I won’t have to do it for much longer.
“Are you coming out with me and some of the other girls? We like to hit up a bar after work to wash the night off us.” She narrows her eyes, examining me closely. “Although you might be too tired, huh? I remember I was after my first shift.”
I’m so grateful for the get out clause. I really can’t face being out any longer. “I think I better give it a miss tonight,” I say with pretend regret. “But maybe next time.”
“Will you be okay getting home? I know it isn’t far, but it is late?”
“No, I’ll be fine.” I don’t want to ruin her fun. “I’ll be home in a moment. I’ll send you a message as soon as I get in, you don’t have to worry about me. I promise you.”
As Jenny pulls me in for a hug, she asks me a question so quietly I can tell she doesn’t want anyone else to hear it. “Did you have a good time? It’s not too bad for the money, is it? Once you get used to the hours...”
“No,” I only half lie. “It’s not too bad.”
It would be just fine if I could serve Ben all night long, but once I got dragged off to that other table I couldn’t tear myself away. I saw him a couple of times and it looked like he was watching me. I hope I didn’t anger him by getting entangled by other customers. If only I could see him again to explain...
Maybe tomorrow.
Hopefully tomorrow although I don’t know if this is the sort of place people come to every single night. I haven’t quite worked out what sort of place it is yet, but judging by the snippets of conversation that I overheard it’s a joint where people feel more than open to discuss things that should be kept private; affairs, dodgy business deals, possible criminal activities. I heard all sorts. I guess the non disclosure agreement is in the job title.
“Good.” Jenny pulls back to look at me but her hands remain on my forearms where she fixes me in place. “So you think you’ll come back then? I have to let the boss know.”
I don’t know if I want to, but I don’t want to shut down the opportunity either. “Yes, I do want to come back, at least for a short while.”
She squeals excitedly. “Good, I’ll teach you some of my moves then, help you to get even more tips although to be fair it looks like you’ve done just fine on your own tonight.” She wiggles her eyebrows at me. “Maybe it’s you who knows what you’re doing, maybe I need to start coming to you for advice, hey?”
I force a smile onto my lips then start to move away. I’m too weary to stick around for any longer, the exhaustion that’s been messing me about all day long is back and in full force. If I don’t get into my bed soon I think I might just fall down and sleep on the streets. As some of the other girls call out goodbye to me as I leave, I give them a half wave back but I’m not really focused on what I’m doing. I just need my escape...
“Serena!” As soon as I hear his voice I spin around rapidly to find him. There’s a part of me that thinks it might be my tired mind hallucinating, but nope, there he is standing in the entrance of the club, seemingly waiting for me. “I hope you don’t mind me meeting you.”
“Ben?” Just like that, I feel more awake and alert than I have done in a very long time. The intense rush brings me right back up again. “No, of course not. But I am surprised.”
He pulls out a wad of notes from his wallet. “Well unfortunately due to my phone call, I didn’t get to tip you for your company tonight.” I shake my head, I don’t want to take it, it feels weird. “I insist you have it. I wanted to give it to you all night long but I didn’t get the chance.”
My trembling fingers reach forward to grab the money. I have to admit that a small part of me is crushed. I don’t know why but the idea that he just stayed here to give me cash sucks. I mean, I need the money, but I want him to like me as well... because maybe I like him.
He is handsome after all, and there seems to be some sort of unspoken connection between us. The short time I spent talking to Ben was the most I’ve felt like myself in ages. He brought out a sassiness to me which was pretty cool. I like that, I want to experience it again but I just want him to want to speak to me again.
“Actually, the reason I stayed is really because I wanted to see you again, I was enjoying our time together. The money is just an excuse. I do want to give it to you because I owe it you, but I also want a chat as well.”
That lifts up my heart, I can literally feel my chest swelling with happiness. Of course I don’t want to get carried away but I also can’t ignore the little voice in the back of my head that’s screaming at me maybe this is it, maybe this is the moment I’ve always been waiting for. Maybe this is the dramatic moment I’ve always wanted, the start of my real life...
“Well, I’m just walking home.” I still don’t really want to go to a bar, even if I am more alert. “But you can walk with me, if you like.”
I hope he knows I’m not inviting him in, I don’t want him to assume that I’m some sort of easy girl who will just have sex with him like that. He doesn’t look like he thinks that way, but I still need it to be clear... only I can’t find the right words for it.
“Sure, I can walk you home. I’m a gentleman.” He places his hand on his hip allowing me to link my arm through his. That’s a friendly enough gesture, right? He isn’t holding my hand. I would like him to hold my hand, but I’m glad that he’s not pushing me. “Where is it you live? How many more questions do I get to ask?”
“Not many,” I giggle. “Because it’s not too far from here. Maybe three or four more questions. Five at a push.”
“I’ll take that challenge. Let’s see what I can come up with.”
We walk through the streets under the street lights and moonlight which glows down on Ben’s face in a way that makes him look devastatingly handsome. As we go I try to work out his motivation for staying behind. I mean, I know that I like him, but he can’t honestly like me, can he? I imagine he has the most beautiful women in the world throwing themselves at him. There’s no way he can like me... is there?
The way he looks at me suggests that maybe he does. There’s certainly something floating between us, a chemistry maybe. Whatever it is it feels good.
“So, what animal do you identify most with?”
I burst into laughter at Ben’s unexpected question. I thought it would be something else entirely. I don’t know what though. “Really? That’s what you’re going with?”
“You have to answer quickly. I want to fill this time wisely, I need to get in as many questions as I can.”
“Alright, alright.” I pause for just a second as I plan my answer. “A seal.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. They’re sweet.”
“Okay, so what country would you most like to visit in the world?”
“Easy, Japan.”
“Ooh, good one. I’ve been to Tokyo, it’s a fantastic country. How did you end up working as a shot girl?”
“I was temping, doing all kinds of different, equally horrible, jobs and my roommate, Jenny...”
“Wait.” He turns to face me to stop me in my tracks. “The blonde girl, that’s who you live with?”
“Yes... why?”
“I don’t know.” He purses his lips in confusion. “I just can’t imagine the two of you being friends that’s all. You’re really nice and she’s... I mean, I don’t mean this in a bad way, oh God, I’m digging myself into a hole here.”
I could let him stew but I don’t want to. He already looks upset that he’s spoken badly about Jenny, not that he’s really said anything. “I know what you mean, she’s very different to me. She’s much louder and more confident. I know I’m probably too quiet for that job really, but I’m giving it a go, trying something new.”
“Well that’s really brave of you.” Ben looks at me like he’s proud of me, which only makes me laugh again. I don’t even know why. I feel like I’m a bit of a mess around him now during this one on one time. I guess it’s because this isn’t work anymore and I don’t quite know what it is. I think he might like me and I don’t know where that’s going to lead. It scares me and excites me all at once. “You’re facing something you fear head on.”
“Yeah, I guess so.” I give a modest shrug as a reply. “Thank you.”
“So what movies do you like best of all? I know it’s too hard to pick just one, so what genre?”
I can’t admit rom coms because that comes too close to my dream of something magical happening in my life, so I say the first thing that comes into my head instead. “I like world cinema. Especially drama movies.” I don’t know why I say that, but it’s too late. It’s out there now. “Right, well this is me so I suppose you’re out of questions now.”
Ben’s hands move up to my shoulders and he spins me round to stare deeply into my eyes. My breath catches in my throat, all of a sudden everything intensifies, I don’t know what to think. My head spins with a heady lust, I feel like my knees are knocking together in shock. I don’t know what’s going on here, but I don’t want the moment to end.
Then his lips crash against mine and everything becomes all too clear. The world rushes around me, then stops dead leaving me and Ben alone in this utterly perfect moment that I never want to end.