How do you know when your ass is sewn up over a woman? You see her lying in a pool of blood. That’s it. That’s all there is to it. My world stops for the space of a minute, and my heart actually hurts. I’m in deep, and I haven’t even had my goddamned tongue in her mouth.

When I got to the top of the mountain to find Irish, an original member of our club, had shot not only Dani, but Nicole too, I thought it was a nightmare. I was afraid the club had a traitor, but a brother who helped create the Savage MC? Never. A brother who fought with us overseas betraying the club cut so fucking deep, there just wasn’t words. It still hasn’t fully sunk in. I haven’t had time to think about it, because we had to rush both women to the hospital.

One of the bullets that lodged in Dani’s leg, nicked an artery. If not for Nicole trying to stall the blood and having a compress wedged against it, I would have lost her. She’s undergoing emergency surgery. I’ve stayed close, waiting for word that she’ll be okay. The other brothers are with Dragon, because Nicole is in bad shape. Don’t get me wrong, I’m worried about her too. Still, it just didn’t seem right that everyone has turned their backs on Dani and left her alone. I get the feeling the girl has been left alone a lot in her life.

“Mr. Dawson?” A nurse asks, coming out of the surgical room door.

“Yes, Ma’am?”

“Ms. Smith did fine with everything…but…”

“But?” I question, trying to ignore the way my heart kicks against my chest.

“I’m afraid she’s disoriented. She had a panic attack, and the doctor ordered a sedative, but first we were hoping if she saw you, it might help. We hate to give her more medicine so soon after coming out of the recovery ward. However, we can’t allow her to hurt herself.”

“Take me to her.”

I follow the nurse down the hall, more anxious than I can ever remember.

“Ms. Smith? Look we told you it would be okay. See who I’ve got with me? It’s your step-brother.”

I had to tell the staff that I was Dani’s step-brother before they would give me information on her, or let me near her in general. I was afraid she would ruin the set up by denying our involvement. She doesn’t, and I’m glad, but I think it has more to do with the fact that the girl is in the middle of a full blown hissy-fit.

She is holding one of those big huge thermal cups and aiming it at an orderly. I take in the mess on the floor, a couple boxes of Kleenex, a plastic pan like they give you to wash in, toothpaste, generic deodorant, a phone… Hell, she must have thrown everything at them she could get her hands on. Just as I’m about to speak to her, the cup she was holding comes sailing at my head. I duck, but it hits me in the chest and ice scatters over me, the nurse, and the floor.

“I told you I don’t want to talk to anyone but Nicole! Take me to Nicole!”

She looks brave, lying in the bed in a faded blue hospital gown and her hair a tangled mess around her head. She’s pale though, too pale. Her lips which are normally adorned in bright red lipstick are a pale pink and dry. The black circles under her eyes are so dark, it gives her a haunted look. I can also see the shaking in her hands. She may be fighting like an alley-cat, but she’s scared shitless.

“Nicole is in surgery, Hellcat, and you’re in no shape to go see her. I can take you down there when she comes through.” I don’t add that she might not, it’s not something that Dani needs to hear right now. It’d take a fool not to tell that she’s close to a nervous breakdown.

She looks at me like she just now realizes it’s me.

“Crusher…it’s me…I mean, my fault….”

“Leave the room!” I growl. The nurses and doctors stare at me like I’m insane. I cross my hands over my chest and wait. They look back at Dani and then to me, before finally leaving.

“Don’t talk about this shit in public, Hellcat,” I caution her.

She looks down at the covers she’s holding in her lap. She’s gripped the edges so tight that her fingers are white from her hold. Before I can stop myself, I walk over to her bedside and sit down putting my hand over hers.

“I thought I was saving her… I was scared…there were pictures. Dragon was…he was torturing…”

“Ours is a world of its own, Hellcat. We play by a different set of rules. What Twist and Irish did…that can’t go unpunished.”

“When a man is that dark it spills over, Crusher.”

“My name is Alexander,” I say before I can stop myself. I want her to use my name. I want her to say it often.

She doesn’t give me what I want. She continues just looking at me, I finally give in and answer her as honestly as I can.

“Doesn’t matter how dark the man or the world, a real man doesn’t hurt a woman, Hellcat.”

“And Dragon?”

“He’d die for your girl. I have no doubt about that, and I know for a fact he’d never hurt her. Hell, if my guess is right, he’ll spend his life making sure she has everything she could ever want.”

Dani’s dark eyes are open wide and she looks at me with so much concentration, it unnerves me. It’s almost like she’s trying to see straight through me. I stare back at her calmly. I have nothing to hide and everything to gain if Dani can trust me, even a little bit.

“If you’re lying to me Zander, I’ll hunt you down and cut off your balls with a dull potato peeler.”

I laugh. Just when I start thinking she looks helpless there in that bed, with that gown swallowing her small, frail body she shocks the hell out of me. What is it about this woman that keeps my head spinning? I wish I knew.

“Point taken, Hellcat, and since I’m partial to my balls, I’ll make sure not to lie to you.”

“You will. Men always lie. It’s what they do,” she says looking out the window this time instead of at me. I find I don’t like that. I want her attention on me.

I put my index finger under her chin and pull her face back around to me. “I will never lie to you, Dani. You may not always like what I tell you, but I will make a vow to you right now, to never lie.”

“Will Nicole be okay?” she asks quickly, and damn I should have seen that one coming.

I take a breath and look down at the floor.

“That’s what I thought,” she whispers brokenly.

“Hey Hellcat, I didn’t say she wouldn’t. She’s in surgery. That’s about all I know right now.”

“I need to go be with her,” she says and there are tears in her eyes, but somehow, she manages to keep them from falling. I don’t know why, because I don’t like women crying, but the fact that she is trying to hide her tears, hurts me.

“Dani, I’m not sure of everything that’s going on, but I’ve heard things…”

“But…”

“Sweetheart, I don’t think Dragon would want you there right now,” I tell her honestly.

Her face has been pale as a ghost and it still is, but I can see the hint of color that enters her cheeks at my words. I hate it, this can’t be a shock to her. Right?

“I thought…I was…it doesn’t matter.”

We sit there in silence for a little while longer. It’s not awkward, but it is strained. I feel like I should be finding words to make her feel better. Hell, other than sticking my dick in a woman, I’ve not had many dealings with them. Unless you count Melly, but then again, Melly was special.

“Zander, will you go sit with them…and find out about Nicole for me? Please?”

“Everyone calls me Crusher or Alex,” I respond, watching those big dark eyes of hers.

“I’m not them. I like Zander, it suits you.”

“What’s a Zander look like?”

“Like someone who does what a friend asks him to, when she can’t do it on her own.”

The girl is determined; you have to give her that. I stare at her for a few more minutes. She doesn’t dodge my eyes, but I notice the longer I stare at her, the tighter she grips the bedsheet. It wouldn’t surprise me if it rips at any moment.

“She has plenty of company, Hellcat,” I answer, thinking she was the one who was all alone here.

“Nic is all I have in the world besides Ray. I want…I need to know she’s okay.”

“Are we friends, Hellcat?” I ask. I get up to head to the surgery waiting room.

“Time will tell I guess. I’m not exactly bosom buddy material these days,” she answers holding her head down. She looks kind of defeated, and I hate it.

“I don’t know Hellcat, I kind of like your bosom.” I smirk.

She doesn’t laugh, which is what I wanted, but she kind of half smiles before lying back against her pillow. She’s worn out. I leave without any further words, closing the door quietly behind me.