She’s slipping away from me. I’m in a fucked up mess. I’ve yet to tell Dragon shit about Michael. Freak is pissed off at me. I’m doing everything I can to figure out how Michael and Dani are connected, when the fucker might strike, and all I can think is, she’s slipping away from me. I know it—I can feel it. On the surface, you would think I am getting everything I want. Dani’s not hiding the fact that she’s sleeping with me anymore. She’s on me like white on rice lately. I’ve fucked her everywhere imaginable and every way imaginable. We’ve fucked against walls, on my bike, in the car, in the movies, I’ve got her off in the club while we watched the others dance or play cards—seriously you name it, and we have done it. Hell, I even fucked her on the table in the church room the other night.

So, you would think I’d be a happy motherfucker, with sore balls and a worn out dick. Well, two of those are true, but I am far from happy, because Dani is preparing to run. I can’t allow that, and it’s making me crazy. I need her to trust me, to be open with me. Of course, she was doing that, and I jumped the gun, fucked it all up. Obviously, I’m an idiot.

We’re all at the beach now, at Twin Rocks picnic shelter. Dragon had this idea that the club needed to spend some time together. I agreed because I get my woman in a bathing suit, and I’m not a fool. She’s in my arms and we’re playing in the water, while Drag and Dance grill. The other girls are taking in the sun. Bull is off talking to the other brothers, and Freak is shooting me looks. I feel a tinge of guilt every time he does. I’m going to have to deal with shit and soon. Not today though. Today, I need to make sure that I give Dani every reason to hang on to us.

“You’re so fucking beautiful you make me hurt,” I tell her. We’re sitting in the water, just on the edge. It splashes against my sides as the waves push into the bank. Dani is in my lap, her arms hanging loosely behind my neck, her eyes looking down at me, and her legs wrapped around my waist. Her hair is wet, pulled from her face, and she’s smiling…at me. If I could have this for the rest of my life, I’d be a happy motherfucker. How often have I thought this lately? It just keeps getting truer every day.

She tilts her head to the side and looks at me, like she’s trying to figure out life’s biggest mystery.

“Beauty fades, Zander. It can be changed or altered, it can even be fixed. You should have seen my stomach before Dr. Bradens got a hold of me.”

I bend down and place a small kiss on her stomach. “It wouldn’t matter to me what you look like. You’d still be beautiful, never forget that, Hellcat.”

She takes a deep breath and then looks over the beach, before her eyes come back to mine. “I’m thinking the fact that we’re fucking is no longer a secret.”

“Thank, fuck. I want the world to know.”

She leans down and places a light kiss on my lips, but I can’t let it stop at that. I slide my tongue into her mouth and deepen the kiss. It’s long, it’s slow, and it’s sweet. “I love you, Hellcat,” I whisper against her lips.

“I love you too, Zander.”

Our foreheads touch. We stay like that, and I wish I could freeze the moment forever, because it is that perfect.

Then…all hell breaks loose.

Gunfire rings out, repeatedly. The sand around us pings with either the casings or the real fucking bullets, I have no way of knowing, and I’m not about to stop and look. I instantly flip Dani and me over, so I can lay on top of her. I don’t have a fucking thing for cover, but me, and I’m glad that I’m so much bigger than her, so I can hide her body. She’s whimpering underneath me, and I kiss her ear, keeping my head down and trying not to move.

“Let me up, Zander. God don’t do this, you need to go take cover,” she cries, and I move just enough so I can kiss one of her eyes. There’s sand on her eyelid, but her salty tears mingle and hurt me.

“Shhh…sweetheart. My brothers have this. It’s going to be okay. Just hold still a few more minutes.”

Just like that it ends. The ringing of the shots stops and the sound of a vehicle peeling out from the parking lot above can be heard. I get up and pull Dani up carefully. I rake the excess sand off her body, and check her over for marks. Satisfied that she’s okay, I pull her close to me and walk towards Dragon. He’s checking over his woman and issuing orders at the same time. He looks at me and Dance, then orders us to go with him. I want to scream, fuck no. I need to be close to my woman. I can’t.

“Freak. You keep close to Dani for me?”

Freak is mad, I see it all over his face, but he agrees. I think I’ve run out of time to come clean to my brothers. I look down at Dani and kiss her again, but quickly and with just a small taste of her mouth.

“I’ll be back Hellcat, stay safe.”

“Don’t get hurt, Zander. Please? I couldn’t handle it if something happened to you.”

“I’ll be fine. You just be waiting when I get back. I love you Melly.”

I thought she would kiss me again, she doesn’t she pulls away from me and turns toward Gunner and Freak. I know she’s blaming herself for this. It pisses me off. I can’t get into it right now though. I have to go with my brothers.

It’s late by the time we get back, and my ass is dragging. Drag and I managed to capture one of the motherfuckers, and he sang like a fucking canary. Which was good and bad. I had to tell Dragon I knew about Dani and Michael. The parts of what I already knew. To say my brother was unhappy was a freaking understatement. All I want is to crawl into bed, hold my woman, and grab a couple of hours sleep, before I face tomorrow. That’s the only plan I have. Until I open the door to Dani’s room and see she’s not there. We’ve been sleeping in her room almost every night, but maybe tonight she wanted to wait for me in mine. I take off to my room, and I start to feel fear when it is empty too, but that’s not what causes the feeling to bloom into a full blown panic. No, that would be the envelope on my pillow. The name Zander, written on the outside of it in Dani’s handwriting.

I sit down on the side of the bed, my body feeling like lead. My fucking hands shake when I rip it open and pull the two page folded note out.

Zander,

I figure, if you’re reading this, you already know I’m gone. I wanted to stay. Today at the beach, I actually thought about it. I can’t though, that’s a dream, and I definitely don’t live in a dream world.

I asked you not to contact Michael, because I know him in ways you never could understand. I’ve been married to him for over six years now as Melinda Marinetti. Though we only stayed together one year, Michael won’t ever willingly let me go. I only escaped the first time by changing my name and hiding. If he gets a hold of me again, he’ll kill me this time. I’m actually okay with that. If I was brave, perhaps I would actually beat him to the punch. I find I can’t though.

As odd as it sounds, I want to live. I want to take the memories of you and the love you’ve shown me and live. You made me truly feel like Dani, a woman who could handle life and anything thrown at her. I will always be Dani now, and that makes me happy. This way a part of me will always belong to you.

What you need to understand is, this is not your fault. This was set into motion before you even knew who I was, and I can’t let my mistakes, my past, hurt you in any way. I’m no longer a scared seventeen-year-old child. I’m an adult. It’s time I stop hiding and leaning on Ray and Nicole for help and live whatever life I have, for however long I have left.

I love you, Zander, and I know you’ll be upset by this. Please understand, I wanted to stay, and I really thought about it. Then today, when you called me Melly, I realized, I can’t. I’m not the woman for you. Memories of you will help me survive my past, but you have to be free to find the woman who will make you put your past behind—make you put Melly in the past where she belongs.

Gun told me about Melly, I know how it must haunt you, but everyone has a road to follow in this life. You can’t be responsible for all the wrong turns others take. It’s enough you made me grateful for my wrong turns, because I got to love you, if only for a little while.

Be happy, Cowboy.

Love,

Your Hellcat.

Melly…My mind goes back to when I told Dani goodbye.

“I’ll be fine. You just be waiting when I get back. I love you, Melly.”

Fuck! I called her Melly! Why? I don’t think of her as Melly. I never have. Melly was from a different time. Melly was a time when I was a boy trying to be a man. It was puppy love and nothing like what I feel for Dani. Was it because of the danger? Or because I knew Dani was thinking of leaving? I can’t be sure, and I’m not even sure it matters now. I caused her to leave. Tears sting my eyes as I bring her letter up to my face and breathe in the scent of her from the paper. When I think of my woman out there alone, with a maniac I set on her heels after her, my heart stops. When I imagine how she must have felt to be called by another woman’s name…

Fuck. I let the tears fall. There’s no shame in them. I did this. I caused this. Now I just have to figure out some fucking way to fix it all.