My woman has motherfucking balls of steel. Jesus. She fucking amazes me. Even with all the shit going on, I couldn’t be more proud of her. I knew she was special from the first moment I saw her, but fuck, I had no idea.

I’m on lock down, per Dragon’s orders. I haven’t told Dani. I don’t want her worrying. With Michael gone, she’s going through some shit. She’s not really talking to me about it, and that shit needs to stop. I’m fully expecting to have my patch taken and voted out of the club. The branding of the tat is going to hurt like a motherfucker, I’m okay with it. If I had to go back, I’d do it all again.

Besides, the fact that Dragon felt it was okay to fake his own fucking death and tell the President of other clubs and not let his VP, or his Enforcer know speaks volume about the shape of this fucking club. It’s not completely Dragon’s fault, Bull and I are responsible too, but I’m still fucked up about it. The more I talk to Diesel, the more I am sure that a change of setting would be good for Dani and me. Diesel and I were just as tight back in the day as I was with Dragon. I respect him, and I’m pretty sure it’d be a good move.

“What are you thinking so hard about, Cowboy?” Dani asks.

“I’m thinking how motherfucking lucky I am to have you,” I tell her, and it’s the truth.

“Yeah, I’m a real catch,” she sighs holding her hand up, the one with the missing finger, to look at it.

“You are, Hellcat. You’re everything and more than I could have imagined.”

She shakes her head no, but squeezes my hand.

“Have you talked with Dragon? Is Nicole okay?”

Nicole went into early labor the day of the funeral. She was too early in the pregnancy, and the baby had some major problems, but the little guy is a fighter and gets to come home soon. Nicole has led my brother on a major fucking twisted trip. It’s been so bad between her and Dragon that even my woman took Dragon aside and gave him advice. I never thought, I’d see that. Still after a couple of weeks, it looks like they’ve found their way back together.

“Yeah baby, the doctors even think Dom can come home soon,” I tell her.

She smiles. “That’s good.”

“What do you think about going on a trip with me when you’re able?” I ask her, because before I make a final decision I need to know. I’m not doing anything without my woman from here on out.

“A trip?”

“Yeah, sweetheart. I’m thinking a change of scenery would do you good. Diesel asked me to come help him out at his club, and I’m thinking about it. I think Tennessee would be good for the both of us.”

“Tennessee?”

“Yeah baby, we could rent a house on the water, I think you’d like it.” I watch her face closely. I don’t want to do anything she’s not a hundred percent on board with.

“Zander, I’m pretty messed up. I don’t think…I’m not sure I’m ready for…I mean, I love you, I do. But, there’s just…”

I put my fingers on her lips. I know where she’s going, and I just can’t let her go there. She will heal. I will get her there. It’s just going to take time.

“Do you want me?”

“Well, of course, but…”

“Then we take each day together. No promises, no pressure.” It kills me, but I understand. She looks sad, but doesn’t argue. I start to say more when there’s a knock on the door, I let it go and get up to answer the door.

When Bull, Dragon, and Dancer are all at the door, I know the time has come.

“We need to talk,” Drag says, looking around me at Dani lying in the bed.

“Yeah, okay. Can I say goodbye to my woman first?” I ask quietly, because I don’t want Dani to know what’s going on exactly.

Dragon nods, and I close the door, and walk back to the bed.

“Hellcat, I got some club business going on. I’ll try and hurry back. You can text me though, okay?”

“Is everything okay?”

“It’s perfect, and when I get back, we’re Tennessee bound… sound good?”

“If you’re sure…” she says hesitantly, and I think she sees that I’m holding stuff back, but she nods. I give her a kiss. It’s not as passionate as I want, but still sliding my tongue inside to taste her, soothes me. I’ll handle this and get back to my woman soon.

I close the door behind me and look at my brothers.

“You called me out,” Dragon says, and his face is remote, but I think I see a flicker of something there that lets me know my brother hates this fucking shit as much as I do.

“I did,” I can’t deny it, and I wouldn’t.

“It can’t go unanswered. Out back in the yard, meet me in ten. I win, you get the cooler for a couple days while I arrange the vote. You win, you get the President patch.”

Fuck, and I say fuck for two reasons. I told Dani to text me, and if I get the cooler, I’m not going to have a cell phone and even if I do, there’s no signal. Secondly, I may strike at Dragon because I’m pissed at the way he did stuff, but I’m the one who fucked up here, so I’m not gonna even try to win. Dragon is President of this club, and even if I don’t like how he did things with Michael, it was brilliant, proving he is a leader. I’m not. I don’t even want to be.

“See you in ten,” I say resignedly, because fuck, this is going to hurt.