I let her sleep for a couple of hours, just listening to her breathe. I’m thankful. She’s giving me another chance. I’m not a fool, well about this at least. I know that Carrie not pushing me away is significant. It is huge. I make a vow to try and show Carrie how truly special she is to me. She is. I made a decision to go there with her and I don’t want to let her go. This shit with Dragon has messed with my head. I’m all kinds of fucked up. Yet, with Carrie here in my arms the only thing that feels out of control is the beat of my heart. I need a taste of her again. She has a way of making me forget the rest of the world exists and I need that right now. I need her. It’s selfish, but I really do.

I place light kisses along her collar bone that I’ve already traced with my fingers. The taste of her skin sinks inside of me and spreads through my bloodstream. She’s like a fever in my system. My teeth graze at the juncture of her neck and shoulder. I bite gently flicking my tongue over the spot a few seconds later.

“Jacob,” she moans and her voice further bridges over the holes in my soul that Dragon uncovered.

I kiss along the side of her face. Just small, slow presses of my lips along her hairline until I make it to her ear.

“God Carrie, you’re an addiction, baby.”

My hand slides under the waist band of her pajamas. The silk of her underwear slides against my fingers teasing me with the pleasure lying underneath. Her hips are rocking slowly, her legs moving restlessly.

“What do you want, baby?” I groan into her ear.

“You…always you,” she whispers and again it feels less raw inside. Just by her words, or maybe the fact that I know she means them. She craves me as much as I crave her.

I yank her underwear and pajamas roughly down those fucking sexy, long legs of hers. I figure I might have scared her, but instead she is busy pulling her shirt off. Something about seeing this woman as desperate for me as I am for her soothes the beast inside of me.

“Look at you, Care Bear. God I wish you could see what I see right now. So fucking beautiful and sweet you make my teeth ache. This is going to be fast baby, I’m sorry, but I have to have you. I need to be inside of you.”

“Yes, Jacob. Please,” she whispers her voice dark, husky and full of need.

I slide my fingers into her depths and I fucking sigh in relief when I find her ready, which is good, because I’m shaking. I don’t have the patience to get her there on my own. I am also a motherfucking genius for getting in bed without clothes, because if they had been in my way, I would have shredded them. I bend her legs at the knee and pull them apart, so she is completely open to me—so damned beautiful. I move my cock back and forth against her opening, making sure I tease her swollen clit.

“Carrie baby, look at me.”

Slowly those gorgeous emerald green eyes open, looking drugged and breathtaking. Plump, juicy red lips fall open in a gasp. I can see a faint glimpse of that perfect tongue. It calls to me.

“Give it to me baby, let me hear you say it.”

She searches my face, the room is quiet except for our harsh breathing.

“I love you, Jacob.”

My heart stalls, before picking up speed. I wanted to hear Carrie ask for my cock. That’s what I was asking for—not this. Never this. These words… these words fill me with fear. Holy hell. At the same time, a feeling of power surges in me. I’ll try to figure it out later, right now I have to have her, I need her.

I plunge inside her depths, without further warning. She’s so damned tight. I try not to go to deep, but her hips thrust up and I sink all the way in. I stop moving, afraid I’ve hurt her. I look down at her face for signs of distress. Instead, I find something out of a dream. Her face is thrown back in pleasure and I could drown in the inky depths of her eyes.

“Wrap your legs around me, Care Bear. Wrap them tight.”

She nods her head and does as I ask. I didn’t it was possible, but I manage to go deeper. So deep, I’m bottomed out completely inside of her. Never has anything felt this perfect, this right. I know she feels it too, because she moans in reaction.

She has kept her hands wrapped up in the sheet on the bed till this point. I grieve silently. I would love to have her touch on me, but I’m glad she seems to have accepted my rules. I can’t take the risk of flashbacks, especially with the memories so close to the surface right now.

I resent the fact I continue to think of this shit, when I am inside my own personal heaven. I hate that these thoughts intrude on the one clean and beautiful thing I’ve had in my life. I settle over her, bracing myself on one arm, the other tangling in her hair and pulling her lips the small distance to mine.

“Say it,” I order against her lips. I don’t know why, but I need to hear it again.

“I love you, Jacob,” she complies as one of her hands touches the side of my face.

I bite down the order for her to keep her hands down. I can handle this. I can. She loves me, this is different. As long as her touch stays on my face, I’ll manage, I just need this. I need this moment. My tongue slides into her mouth and I drink in her words, I drink them down deep.

I can feel my balls tighten with my approaching climax, way too soon. I let go of the hold I have on her hair and tease her clit so she can go with me. It doesn’t take long and I’m thankful. My mouth captures her release. She convulses on my cock, pulling me over the edge with her. I come so hard, I feel light headed.

I grab her ass and pull her tight against me as I fall over on my back. I keep my cock buried deep inside of her, while letting her rest on top of me. When she goes to move off of me, I refuse to let her. She settles against me and places a kiss on the side of my neck. I let my fingers slide along the smooth, soft, skin of her back. She holds me close and her hands feel good. I close my eyes and breathe her in. For the space of this minute, I let myself pretend I am different. That the feel of someone else’s hands on me is normal and I can enjoy it without fear of the darkness.

“I need to get off,” Carrie breathes against my skin her voice sounding exhausted.

“I thought you just did.”

I feel her lips spread in a smile against my neck and I like it. I give her too much pain. I like giving her a smile. I want to give her more.

“Get off of you so we can sleep.”

“Shh…rest Care Bear, I like you right where you are.”

It scares me to admit this, but I give it to her. I give it and ignore the fear.

“I like it too. Goodnight, Jacob. I love you”

“Goodnight, Care.” I want to say it back to her. I want to tell her I love her. This time the fear wins and I stay silent.

It takes a few minutes before her breathing evens out. I wish with everything in me that I could join her. I don’t. I can’t take that risk. I’m okay with staying awake and holding her though. This may be the single, best thing I’ve felt in my life, so I will savor it and pretend this is my normal. A new normal that I crave, but will never have.