“Oh God. Oh God. Oh God….”

That’s all I can say. I’m sitting in Bull’s lap rocking back and forth, and I feel so cold. I don’t think I will ever get warm again. My body feels like ice. My brain is numb. I’ve thrown-up until there’s nothing in my stomach. The tears have slowed. Stray ones still find their way to the surface, and I can feel them run down my face. I don’t dry them. I feel like I’m dying. Bull wanted me to go lay down. He tried to get the club Doctor, Poncho to give me sedative. I wouldn’t let him. I can’t rest with my baby out there. I can’t.

Dancer and Hawk come in Dragon’s office dragging Alex. He’s been beaten, his eye is bloody, his face swollen, and he’s holding his ribs. I don’t think, I’m up on him in the blink of an eye.

“Where is my baby? What did you do with my baby?” I scream, pounding on his chest. I feel Bull’s arms going around me, trying to pull me back. My fingers latch onto the shirt that Alex is wearing, and I refuse to let go. “Give me my baby back. Oh God, please, just give me my baby back!” I beg, trying to resist Bull’s hold.

Bull pulls me away, but I bend double in his arms and push against him. I can drop to the floor. I don’t want his comfort. I don’t want him near me. I don’t deserve comfort or love.

“I’m a horrible mother. I let my baby down. Oh God, what he must be feeling right now. He has to be so scared,” I mumble, and I was wrong, because the tears aren’t gone. They fall rapidly, the sobs shaking my body, and I watch as they pool around me on the cold floor. “I failed my baby…”

“Doc, c’mon now. You didn’t fail Matthew. We’re going to get him back. I promise you. I need you to pull yourself together, and be strong for him. Matthew needs you strong so we can find him,” Bull says, gathering me in his arms.

He has to hold me; my legs are just too weak. I look over his shoulder at Alex. He’s shaking his head, still denying everything. I hate him. I want to tear him apart piece by piece. How could any human being do this to another? To a child?

“What kind of monster are you?” I scream. “How could you do this? Give me back my child! Give me back my son!” I’m screaming so loud, my voice cracks. I’m trying to pull away from Bull to get to Alex, but Bull doesn’t let me.

“I’m telling you, I didn’t do this! You got the wrong man! I don’t even know Dr. Walker’s son!”

“You haven’t been at Laurel Elementary? You didn’t tell Matty your name was Greg?”

“What? No!”

“Give it up fucker, we know you gave a speech on career day at the school. We’ve been checking into you,” Dragon growls, and I can do nothing but let my sobs shake me.

Bull turns us around so my back is to Alex and he can face him. I can’t find it in me to argue. I just want Matty. I need my son.

“So? The hospital sent me! But I never met any of the kids. I didn’t even know that Skye had a child that went there! I didn’t do this! I would never do this! Why would you think it was me? I’m telling you, you got the wrong man!”

“You hated Melissa. It’d take a man with a lot of hate, to kill her like that.”

“The whole fucking place hated Melissa.”

“Whoever it is, is obsessed with Skye. You’re always there. You even asked for a transfer up on the cardiac floor to be close to her,” Bull says, revealing more information that the club had gathered.

“What? No! Not because of that!”

“Then why? What other reason would you have to transfer to that wing? You knew Melissa was one of the head nurses there. Why transfer to her floor, if you hated her so much?” Bull asks.

I’m so tired. I can’t get the picture of Matty out of my head. I keep seeing him lying in bed in his turtle pajamas, with his hair all messed up. Did I kiss him goodbye? Did I tell him I loved him? I can’t even remember. What kind of mother can’t remember that?

“Because I wanted to be closer to Dr. Eldridge!”

“What?” Dragon asks, and the room goes quiet and my back stiffens, because even in my haze there’s a hint of truth coming out of Alex’s words.

“I’m gay! I slept with the man, and then he just decided to forget about me. Said coming out of the closet would ruin his career. I transferred so I could see him every day. I wanted to remind him I was there,” Alex says, pushing his fingers through is hair and holding his head down. “For all of the fucking good it did. He ignores me.”

“Fuck a duck,” Dancer growls from behind me, and I turn to look at Alex.

“You really didn’t befriend my son at school? You don’t know him?” I say, and desperation is in my voice. Because, if we have the wrong person then we’re even further away from finding Matty than I hoped.

“I didn’t do this Skye. I promise.”

“Freak, who the fuck else has a connection with the school from the files that Skye picked?” Dragon growls.

“No one man. There’s not one fucking connection,” Freak answers, and I bury my head in Bull’s chest. His hands comb through my hair, and I’m afraid the blackness is going to swallow me up when Alex speaks up.

“Buck!”

I look at him, and the room goes still.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Bull asks, his body is vibrating against mine.

“Buck! He could be the one you want,” Alex says.

“The school doesn’t have any record of ever having Walter there as a guest, or an employee of any sort,” Freak interjects.

“Yeah,” Alex agrees, “he wasn’t at the school, but he was working at the courthouse, next door. He was mowing their lawns. He was sitting on the picnic tables eating lunch when I came out! I asked him what he was doing, and he told me he took a part time gig to earn extra money. He wanted to buy a ring for the girl he’s been seeing.”

“Fuck me,” Dragon murmurs. “Freak!”

“Already on it, Drag.”

“I want Alex locked up in one of the bedrooms, until we know he’s telling the truth,” Bull orders. “Put Circus and one of the other recruits on him.”

Hawk takes him out, but not before he looks over his shoulder at me. “I hope you find your son, Skye, honest.”

I believe him and it hurts me.

“Fuck, Drag. This Buck owns a house on the Southside of town,” Freak says.

“What does that mean?” I ask. No one answers, until Bull looks down at me.

“It’s out by the old gravel quarry, Doc.”

“Let’s load up!” Dancer orders, and the men start filing out.

“I’m coming with you!”

“Fuck no, Doc. I need all my thoughts on saving Matthew. I can only do that if you’re safe.”

“Bull!”

“You’re wasting time here, Doc. I need to go rescue our boy. I got this. You need to trust me.”

I swallow and nod once. Bull has this. I know he does. He and his crew have worked nonstop. They even have connections at the police, which have been ignoring the whole thing so Dragon and his crew could do what they needed to do, without worrying about legal repercussions.

“Bring our son back to me, Bull.” He gives me a quick, hard kiss, before pulling away.

“I’ll do it, Doc. Six, you take care of my woman. You don’t, and I’ll make sure you don’t live to regret it.”

“Got it, man.” Six says, and then Bull is gone. I sink down in the chair and wait. Bull will bring Matty home to me. I know he will. He has to. He has to.