Wow.

I should probably think of something more profound, but I’m pretty sure my brain is mush. All I got is… wow. Jacob is lying beside me, one hand across my stomach. I feel the other against my side. His fingers moving up and down along my thigh. I’m trying to process everything. I don’t think I was prepared for sex, not sex this intense. It is everything and more than I thought it would be with Jacob. It was perfect. Except, it wasn’t, not really.

Now there is silence. All you can hear in the room is our breathing slowly coming back down to normal. There are no soft words of love. No laughter, no playing, none of that. Worse, there are no soft touches being exchanged, no holding each other close. None of the stuff I dreamed of is happening in the aftermath. Instead, I’m lying in a bed with Jacob’s hands on me, willing myself to be quiet because he’s not talking and I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing. I can’t touch him or hold him close or do the million and one things I want to do. Why? Because my hands are still tied. My lips feel dry, my throat feels raw…but then I did scream out that last time. When I can’t stand it any longer, I take a chance to shatter the silence.

“Jacob can you untie me now? I need to go to the restroom.”

“I don’t want you to go yet, Care Bear.”

My heart aches at the use of his nickname. Not because it’s not beautiful, wonderful and amazing—no. It’s because those are the words I want to hear. The words I need to hear, but yet it seems…not quite right.

“I’m sticky…”

He smiles and those hazel eyes sparkle. Somehow with that smile, he reminds me of the old Jacob and that knot in my stomach loosens its hold, if only slightly.

He kisses my lips gently almost reverently. This…this is what I want.

“I like the idea of you being overfilled with me—of you dripping with my cum.”

I blush at his description, but secretly I’m jumping for joy too. I like the idea. I like everything about it and I love that he likes it.

“I need to stretch my arms though.”

He looks up at the binding above my head and something flashes in his eyes. I don’t get the time to decipher it. He reaches up and in just a few seconds I’m free. I bite my lip to keep from moaning out loud. I kind of understand what is going on, even if it does confuse me. I wish Jacob could be completely open with me. I keep thinking back to the first time I saw Jacob in the hotel room. He had been in bed with two women. Neither of those women were tied. Why were they allowed to touch him, if I can’t? Is there something wrong with me?

I don’t ask, I suck in the hurt. I don’t want to push him away. Whatever this is, it is new. I’ve never been in a relationship before. What I do know is I love him and I need this to last. If it doesn’t, I’m going to lose such a large piece of myself, I will never recover. Again, my conversation with Nicole flashes in my mind. I signed on to fight, not quit.

Jacob has my hands, rubbing them gently. Slowly, he brings the circulation back in them.

“Better?”

I smile and nod, which makes me feel stupid, but I can’t seem to find my voice.

He places small kisses on my hands and when he’s done I feel even more awkward. Maybe I should have allowed him to keep me tied? Because right now? I’m afraid to touch him, so my hands are just clumsily lying at my side.

Oh god, shoot me now.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Jacob asks and I want to tell him, let it all out and tell him. I don’t. I’m afraid. This might not be everything I want, but it’s already more than I thought I would get. It’s a start.

“This is new to me…” Not a lie.

“Oh I noticed that Princess, believe me.” He pulls me on top of him, so I am now straddling him. I can feel him hard against me and I instantly feel my insides quiver in want and need.

“What…what are you doing?” I ask, wondering if he can feel the way I rocked against him.

“I want you to ask for my cock and if you convince me? I’m going to let you ride me until you make both of us come.”

“I…like this?” I ask, not because the position is so new to me, but more because maybe I can touch him now and that thought excites me even more than knowing I will have him inside me again.

“Exactly like this,” he confirms and I might be squealing like a little girl on the inside.

“Are you too sore for me this soon, Care?”

I blush at his words. I shake my head no. I’m totally lying, I feel really tender and sore there, but nothing will stop me from having him again.

“Thank fuck,” He says and I have to concur. “Do you want my cock?”

“Yes…”

“Then tell me, Princess. Let me hear you.”

“Jacob, I…I want your cock.”

“That’s my girl,” he says as he wraps a hand in my hair and pulls my lips down to his. I use one arm to brace myself so I don’t fall. I feel the sting of him pulling my hair, my pulse rate jumps in reaction.

“Guide my cock inside of you, Carrie.”

I go up on my knees to do as he asks. He hasn’t let go of my hair. If anything, he has wrapped it tighter around his hand. It takes me a couple of fumbling tries, but I get him to my entrance and slowly slide down on his dick. There’s pain almost instantly, but I bite my lip and ignore it, because even through the pain it feels good. Can you get addicted to sex after one time? I think I might be. When he is all the way inside of me, I freeze. In this position it feels like I’m stretched to my limits. I don’t move, I’m not sure I can.

“That’s it Princess, get used to having me inside of you. You’re so damned beautiful Care Bear and fuck woman, you feel so good. I love the way your pussy squeezes my cock, like it can’t get enough.”

I’m totally unsure of myself. I’ve read a lot of books, so I try to remember from them what to do. I don’t want to disappoint him, but I draw a blank. Jacob’s eyes on me, his…cock inside of me? All I can think is that I want more. I want this forever.

I rock on him slowly. Oh, that feels amazing. Jacob’s face blooms into this lazy smile and his hands go to my hips. He pulls me up and down, showing me the rhythm he wants. On each downward stroke he thrusts up. The pleasure is so intense, I call out his name. I move my hand slowly down his chest. He is perfection. Absolute perfection. There are no other words for it.

He stops my movements with his next words though.

“Play with your tits, Princess. Take each nipple in your fingers and tease them for me.”

Under his direction, my ride picks up speed and I get lost in the moment, following each command he gives me without question.

Bring your breasts to my mouth Princess, I need to suck them,” he demands.

I do it without question. I am his prisoner. He orders and I give it. I’ll do anything he asks at this point. For the first time in my life, I feel like I am…home.

It will get better. Jacob will let me in. I need to just give him time. That’s the last thought I have before I detonate into a thousand pieces.

My heart cries out…Jacob, please let me in.