It’s that moment when you think life has reached rock bottom. That very second you feel part of you shrivel in despair. I’ve hit the bottom. There’s no way I can feel worse.

I am wrong.

I leave Dragon behind. It hurts to look at him. I told him all along, but I can’t let him shoulder the blame. I went through with it, knowing that Michael would retaliate if I went against him. I just didn’t want to hurt Dragon. I wanted to be his wife. I was selfish. Is Dani still alive? Did the bastard kill her? I’m so engrossed in my thoughts that I’m not noticing anything around me. Which is a shame. I’m sure a bride with a stomach that looks like she swallowed three watermelons whole, hoofing it down the sidewalk of downtown London just as it starts to rain (which by the fucking way is just a cherry on top of a sundae) is a sight to see.

I scream when I feel a hand clamp around my shoulder. I expect to see Dragon. Part of me is disappointed when I don’t. Which is crazy, since I walked away from him. Instead, there is Bull looking down at me.

“Need to get you back.”

“I’m not getting married today, Bull,” I argue, my voice is almost as hoarse as Bull’s.

“I know. We still need to get you back to the compound where it’s safe.”

“I told Dragon we shouldn’t have done this,” I whisper, looking down at the ground.

“A man can’t bow down to others in this world, Nicole. You do, and you’re weak, and you lose it all.”

“So, you do things that hurt people in your lives and say the hell with it because of pride?” The thought of Dragon being that way pains me.

Bull puts his hand under my chin, pulling my face back towards his.

“If men like Dragon don’t stand strong, more than just Dani would suffer, Nicole. Drag carries a heavy load.”

“She could be dead, Bull.”

“Nothing Dragon could have done, would change that, Nicole. You two needed to come to him sooner. A man can only work with the hand he’s dealt.”

I look at him, and I know what he is saying, but I don’t have to like it. Still, I know he’s saying the straight up truth. If I could go back, I would talk to Dragon the minute we first got Michael’s note.

“Let’s get in the truck. It might not be safe here.”

I nod, following him like a lost lamb. Once we get settled, he starts the truck and turns on some music. We drive down the road in silence. Bull doesn’t talk much, and I can’t function enough to talk. If I close my eyes…I can still see Dani’s finger. The bastard took the time to clean the finger and wipe any blood around it. He placed her pinky finger into the box, like a fucking trophy. Was she alert when he did it? Did she know? God, is she breathing?

A fire truck passes us with its sirens on and pulls me from my morbid thoughts.

A few minutes after that an ambulance and a rescue squad truck go by.

“Wonder what happened?” I question aloud.

Bull remains silent. When we pass two more emergency vehicles, I notice he is watching them in his side mirror. He still doesn’t say anything. So, I shrug it off. Maybe I’ll hear what happened on the news tonight. If I even stick around. I figure Michael will contact me. Do I go to him? If I don’t will he kill Dani? Has he already? If I do, he’ll kill both of us. Unless…I manage to kill him first…

Bull’s cell phone rings and distracts me before I can continue planning. I need a plan…

“Yeah?”

“Fuck! Who’s hurt?”

“We’ll be right there!” Bull yells into his phone and immediately starts cutting into the opposite lane to make a U-turn. He swerves yet again before our turn is complete. This time he cuts back in our original direction and lets out a stream of cuss words that would make a sailor blush. “Fuck! I need to be there! Yeah, okay but you better tell me the minute you know something you son of a bitch.”

He growls, tossing his phone onto the empty part of the seat between us.

“Bull, what’s wrong?”

“There was an explosion at the church…”

“Oh no! Bull, we have to go back!”

“I can’t, the cops aren’t letting anyone in, and I’m supposed to take you home and keep you safe until…”

“Screw that! You can turn around, or I can jump out and walk back!” I argue.

Bull seems to have a war with himself, but in the end, decides to turn around. He flies, heading for the church. I know we’re breaking new speed records getting there, but it seems like we’re crawling. As we approach the church, I can see smoke and police cars blocking the road. Blue and red sirens are going crazy and there are uniformed cops standing in front of squad cars, blocking the main entrance. It’s far enough away that I can’t get a good look. I take off running, my arms cradling my stomach. These damn heels keep me from being able to get any speed, so I kick them off. I reach the cops, and they try to hold me back, but by this time I can see Dragon’s Tahoe, and the one beside it—or what is left of them. They are charred and smoking and one of them is still burning. The flames are engulfing the seats on the inside. You can make out nothing, but the heat, even at this distance, is stifling. I scream trying to get through. I need to find Dragon… I need, oh God, I need to find Dragon.

I feel a new hand on my shoulder, and the ones around my chest lose some of their rigidness. I could get away now, go to the cars. I could, but Bull’s voice and the pain in it stops me.

“Nic girl,” he says, and his words are quiet, but they reach the haze I’m in, and I am in a haze. I don’t even know half of what I’m feeling, I have no idea of anything around me. I am in shock. I look up at him, and the pain in his eyes pierce my heart. Standing beside him is Dancer, his face black, cuts scattered across his face. There are bandages seeped with blood on his hands, but it’s his eyes that pull me in. Dancer has these brown eyes that have always caught my attention, but now there is something else in them. Something I don’t want to see. So, I turn from them. Looking at Bull, praying for something different from him. I shake my head back and forth in denial of words not spoken aloud, but that are heavy in the smoke filled air.

“Nic, girl…,” he repeats again. With just those two words, Bull pulls me in. His gruff, quiet voice sinks deep into my heart, and the dam breaks. The tears that were streaming down my face are nothing compared to the sobs that rock through me as I collapse against him.

“No!” I scream out in anguish. “No,” I moan against his chest. The single word extending out as if it was the longest word in the English language. Bull tightens his hold and keeps me from falling to my knees. “Dragon…,” I cry out again.

“I’m sorry, Nic. I’m so fucking sorry.”

I don’t know who said that. I don’t even care. I’m too lost in misery.

I’m too…lost.