Insane. That’s what I am. I don’t know what I’m doing. After Bull left, I just kept getting more upset. I couldn’t contain it. He’s not completely right. I do think he’s a man. He’s an amazing man, and I love him. I have been keeping him at a distance, however. I’m terrified to drop my final defenses, and let him in. I may have told him I loved him, but I did it when I thought I was dying, and besides, he never heard me. Knowing all of that, I haven’t tried to tell him since.

I don’t want to lose him because I’m afraid. It’s time I move, and jump in with both feet, because I haven’t. I can do this. I hold life in my hands at work every day! Surely, I can handle a relationship with a biker who scares the hell out of me.

My bravado stays in place all the way there, until I get out of my car. There’s definitely a party going on, I understand why Nicole warned me. Now, I’m almost ready to run back home. There’s people out in the parking lot around a big bonfire. It’s dark, but there’s a street lamp, and I can see some man getting a blow job, there’s women dancing naked…

Nicole warned me the parties here can get pretty wild. What will I see if I go inside? Do I really want to? I click the door locks on my keychain, the sound of my car’s horn makes me jump. I give myself a pep talk all the way to the door. I stand there, unsure what to do. My courage has taken a nosedive. I jump when the door opens and a man comes out in a vest like the one Bull wears all the time. It says Freak on it. I’ve heard Bull talking to him on the phone, but he’s definitely one of the members I haven’t met.

I’ve gotten used to calling Bull by his nickname. I’m not sure I could ever call a man I care about Freak. Though when I look at him, I can’t say the name doesn’t fit. He has these piercings and ink, and when I say ink, I don’t mean just some. No, Freak is covered in ink. I don’t think there’s one part about him not inked up. Even his face has ink on it. It disappears under his collar but right before it does there’s this…bullet hole, and it looks so real…it looks as if there is blood dripping from it. I jump back, quickly, barely resisting the urge to touch the tattoo. It has to be a tattoo, because if it was a real wound he wouldn’t be standing here.

“Whoa, there sweet thing. You’re looking a little lost,” he says, putting his hands on my shoulders to steady me.

“I uh…I’m looking for Bull?”

He looks me over, before asking, “You Bull’s doctor?”

“Yeah,” I answer, wondering if I still am.

“Gotcha. Well, I’m late to pick up my women, so I’ll see you later. Be careful in there. It’s party night. Anyone comes near you, just tell them you’re Bull’s property.”

I nod, unsure of what to say. Besides, I’m kind of speechless. Whether it’s because he’s late to pick up his women instead of one woman, or that he told me to tell people I was Bull’s property, I couldn’t say. Maybe it is a mixture of both. He holds the door open for me, and I don’t have a choice but to go on in.

When I’m inside, I really want to take off running back to my car. I get mad at myself. I’m not a woman without a backbone, and I’m not about to start now. I love Bull, and I’m not a pushover. I can do this, and if Bull’s not man enough to accept my apology, then I’m going to go back and enjoy a two-hour bubble bath, a good book, a bottle of wine, and I’ll forget all about Dorian Kane! Even as I think it, I know I’m lying. I don’t want to forget Bull. I don’t think I can.

Just inside of the door, there’s a man sitting with a similar jacket but instead of a name patch like Bull’s—it says nothing. Maybe he doesn’t have a name?

“You been approved by the brother’s? You look different than the normal chicks, and you’ve got way too many fucking clothes on to keep a man’s interest.”

I look down at my jeans, long-sleeved shirt, and then back to the man.

“I’m looking for Bull? I’m his…,”

Crap! What do I say? Girlfriend? Doctor? Property?

“Skye?”

I turn when I hear Bull’s voice, and what I see causes physical pain. He’s got a half-dressed, gorgeous woman, on his lap. Her hair is midnight black and so long it caresses her ass. I’d like to hack it off, and let it cover her body, after I beat the hell out of her. She’s beautiful. I hate her, but I hate him more. Bastard!

“Well, I guess I’m not anything to you. Here I thought you were upset. Guess I needn’t have worried. It looks like you wasted no time finding someone to take my place. Gee! Maybe that is how you operate!” I tell him. I wish I had a something to throw at him.

He just sits there with a stupid look on his face. I’d have to get closer to him to slap him, so instead, I just turn and walk out. Asshole.