I slam my fist into the wall, because I have nothing else to hit. They took her away from me almost an hour ago. They wheeled her through the metal doors on a gurney and wouldn’t let me stay by her side. She looked so pale, her skin almost having a blue tint. I spent the first thirty minutes answering the questions the doctors asked, talking to the police, calling in markers all over the fucking county to keep this shit quiet, and locking it all down. The last twenty minutes, I’ve been pacing back and forth waiting for someone, anyone to tell me what’s going on with my fucking woman.

Bull showed up with a few of the brothers, but honestly, I wish they hadn’t. There was an explosion at the church. Hell, I had even forgotten that Dragon was getting married today. I lost him today, and Frog, and the weight of that is so heavy on my shoulders right now, I don’t even have words. I should have tried to get a hold of him sooner… I should have kept trying. I should have told him I had a lead on Dani. Would he have postponed the wedding to save Dani? I got two of my brothers killed. The shame and grief of that suffocates me. The hardest part though is the guilt of knowing that if I could go back and change it? I wouldn’t. I couldn’t risk delaying another minute to get to Dani. Fuck! As it is, it might be too late.

“Any news, man?” Bull asks. I didn’t even notice he was behind me. I’m rubbing my hand from pounding the cement wall and trying not to think about life without my woman. I wasn’t lying. It may take me a little bit to kill Michael, but once that’s done, I will join her.

“None,” I answer, my voice full of frustration.

“Shit.”

“Pretty much. What happened to your hand?” I ask him when I notice a thin half-ring of blood on the skin between the thumb and index finger.

He looks down at his hand, staring at it before shrugging and stuffing it into his pants pocket.

“Who knows, at least I’m not pounding walls in with…”

“Mr. Dawson?” The nurse asks from behind me. I jerk around and walk straight to her.

“Dani?”

“Your wife is hanging on, sir. She’s being prepped for emergency surgery right now, her spleen is ruptured, and has been for at least a couple days now. We wanted to wait until she was stable. She coded once, but seems to be holding on now. Her injuries are extensive, but right now the spleen is first and foremost on our list.”

“Can I…I need to see her before she goes into surgery.”

“Sir, that’s really not encouraged and she’s unconscious right now. Why don’t you have a seat and I’ll make sure…”

“I need to see my wife,” I demand again, interrupting her.

She frowns at me, and then nods her head. “I’ll talk to the doctor, as soon as he gives the ok, you can see her.”

“Thank you,” I say, and I mean it. I think if I have to go any longer without seeing Dani’s face and reassuring myself that she was in fact still alive, they’d be sending the men in white coats down here to haul me away.

She leaves and my pacing starts again. In just a minute, she comes back and leads me through a small corridor into a completely white and metal room. There are machines beeping. Hellcat is hooked up to wires and monitors; she looks so frail…so lifeless. I go to her side. They’ve set her arm and her fingers are wrapped too. The wound on her chest has been stitched and she’s been cleaned, honestly though, her face is still so swollen that it’s hard for me to believe this is my woman. Then I notice something that is horrific to me, even over everything else. Her hair has been cut…no not cut…sheered.

Maybe the nurse noticed my face, I don’t know, but she answers the unspoken question.

“Sorry sir, it was best to expedite and try to get her clean for surgery. She had some rather large lacerations on the side and back of her head. It was the easiest solution. It will grow back.”

My hand reaches out to touch the baby blue cap like thing they have over her head.

“I love you, Hellcat. You fight and hold on for me, and I’ll be here. I’ll be here waiting for you.”

The words seem hollow and empty. I should have something important to say, something that will make her fight her way back to me. I can’t think of one damn thing. As they wheel her out of the room, it feels like I have no reason left to breathe. I know it’s a feeling I will become achingly familiar with if Dani doesn’t survive.

“I’m here waiting for you, Hellcat. I’m right here. I’ll wait on you forever.”

As she’s taken from my sight, I realize that I am completely telling the truth. I’ll wait for her for the rest of my days and then some.

I start praying. I don’t know if it will help, but it sure can’t hurt.