Addiction is a funny thing. Even when you don’t want the shit, there’s a part deep inside of you that craves it. I’m lying on the bed in my room at the Savage compound. After Dragon left, I didn’t know what to do with my sorry ass. So, I came back here thinking I would sleep. That hasn’t worked. All I keep thinking about is, Skye. Outside in the main room there’s a party is in full swing. I didn’t want to be there, but I shouldn’t be here either.

I look at the bottle of pills I’m holding in my hand, staring at them, and even now, thinking how it’d be easier to live with them. My hand tightens on them, and the urge to down them is there. It’s screaming at me.

Instead, I throw them across the room. Somewhere in the back of my mind I know that’d be a decision I couldn’t rebound from. That’d be something that would forever put Skye out of my reach. The bottle crashes against the wall hard enough that the lid pops off, and pills scatter on the concrete floor.

I’m pissed and the kicker is that it’s not even at Skye. I’m a fucking idiot. I’ve been trying to be perfect for her, instead of just being myself. No wonder she doesn’t trust me. I haven’t even tried showing her all of me. She probably does think I’m part of some kind of useless club. She hasn’t even seen that side of me.

Hell, I should have just walked away from Skye, and never tried to reach for her. I knew she was out of my league. I rub the top of my head, I haven’t taken a thing, I’ve not even had a drink, but my brain feels cloudy as hell. Is this what loving a woman does to your ass? No wonder my brothers always acted like fools. I sure as hell won’t be giving Dragon flack now.

Even now, I have the urge to run back to Skye with my tail between my legs, but I don’t. I just can’t get past the fact…fuck, I don’t know what I can’t get over—but I think it has a lot to do with the fact that Skye won’t let her defenses down around me.

I leave the room feeling not one fucking bit better about shit. I just know I need to get out of there before the walls close in on me. I decide to get on my bike and ride, that always clears my head and maybe then I can go back to Skye and try and work this out.

“Hey man, where ya going?” I look over at Six, and he’s sitting at the bar alone. He’s all fucked up since he and Lips broke up. Lips went back home to Chicago, and Six didn’t want to move with her. He’s turned into a sorry sack of shit since she left. Hell, if he was going to grieve himself to death over her, he should have just followed her. Would I leave the state to follow Skye? I’m pretty fucking sure the answer would have been yes. That is, if she would just give herself to me completely. Fuck, if I’d kept her as long as Six had Lips? And Skye loved me the way Lips obviously did Six? There wouldn’t be a fucking question.

“I’m going to go ride my bike for a bit man, clear my head,” I tell him, going over and slapping him on his shoulder.

“Bullshit man. Come have a drink with me,” he says, and his words are starting slur, so I can tell he’s been at it awhile.

I sit down reluctantly, I know what it means to lose a woman you care about. I might not have been in love with Carrie, but it still hurt.

“Beer,” I tell one of the new prospects. I haven’t even learned the kid’s name. I heard Freak and Dragon call him numb nuts—I hope for his sake he doesn’t end up with that road name.

I take a drink, before turning to face Six. “Dude why don’t you just give this shit up and go get your woman?”

“She left man. I ain’t begging no pussy,” he huffs.

“Lips is a good woman, Six. They ain’t easily found,” I tell him, but I can tell there’s no talking sense into his ass.

“The fuck you say! There’s good pussy everywhere!” he slurs back, and spins his barstool around to watch the girls dancing. “There’s some good pussy right there. Come over here girls and give me and my brother some loving.”

I hold my head down. When he yells over at the Twins. That’s their names, they probably have individual ones, but I haven’t taken the time to know them. They’re good women, I’m not saying that. In fact, of all the women I’ve been with here in the club, I probably respect them the most. I worried that I might have passed some shit on to them after Skye gave me my diagnosis, but Melissa was the only one that had sucked my cock, and I meant what I had told Skye, I keep my shit wrapped up when I’m fucking. I don’t usually go from pussy to pussy either. I tend to find one and settle in until I get bored. I may have not wanted Melissa’s pussy since the first time, but I wanted the pills she could give my sorry ass. Then, once I got the pills, I didn’t give a fuck where I got off, or with whom. I just wanted to quit thinking. Goddamn! I’m a twisted fucker. Skye would be better off without me.

I’m starting to feel the walls closing in on me. Now is usually the time I would reach for pills, but I’m not going down that road again. Time for me to go hop on my bike. Before I can make my move, one of the Twins glides into my lap, wraps her arm around the back of my neck, and pulls my face into her boobs. Before Skye, I would have definitely dived into them. Before Skye I would have done a lot more. Now that I’ve had Doc, I have no interest.

“Listen Six, buddy I’m going to head out. I got some shit to do,” I tell him, pulling my head away.

“Aw, c’mon man. The Twins are in the mood to party.”

“Sure are,” the girls say, almost together.

The one in my lap starts sucking on the side of my neck. Jesus, how can something that feels so good, make my damn cock stand up and take notice, and yet, make my skin crawl?

I’m busy trying to pull away from her, to get the hell out of here, so I ignore the door when it opens. Oh, but I hear her voice….

“I’m looking for Bull? I’m his…”

“Skye?” I interrupt her, before I can stop my big mouth. The smart thing would be to fucking hide—or dump the girl on the floor. Shit any of those! No, I just sit there like an idiot with a semi-hard-on, staring at my woman in disbelief. I think my day just went from bad to fucking shit.