Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, Oh God. What am I doing?

The refrain plays over and over in my head.

“…Now, get your ass over here.”

Those words should make me run. I should tear out of the house and not look back. Instead, I’m walking towards him. Can I do this? I want to. Oh God, I want to! Acknowledging that alone, scares the hell out of me.

I’m scared…no, check that. I’m terrified. I’m still trying to figure out what I’m doing, and then…he kisses me. It’s not like our previous kiss. It’s unlike any kiss I’ve ever had before. I didn’t even know kisses like this existed. He takes over my mouth. His hand is pulling my hair and pulling me into him. My body is not my own, it’s frozen. I can’t move, so when he pulls, I fall against him. His body is wet and warm to the touch; my hands rest on his stomach, and he continues owning my mouth. I’m lost in the soft feel of his skin beneath my fingers, the taste of him, and the way his tongue completely devours me. I’m lost in the moment, and it feels…great. What have I been afraid of?

His hands move down to my thighs. The pads of his fingers are rough and calloused as they tease against my skin, sending goose bumps down my spine. He breaks away for a minute and looks at me. I have always wondered what they meant in books when they said someone had obsidian eyes, but now I can see it—dark, mysterious, and sexy as hell.

This last week has been torture. It’s been so long since my body has even had an interest in a man that I’ve spent each day wondering what I’m doing. I want the day to hurry and end, all so that I have an excuse to get in bed with Zander and let him hold me. When his arms go around me, I don’t worry. I don’t panic. I don’t do anything, but lay here and listen to him breathe, taking in his scent, his touch and feel at peace.

Still, it’s been building—this feeling to be closer to him, this need to touch him, taste him, and see if he can make me feel normal. Is he someone I can trust? He’s giving up so much to stay here and take care of me. They captured Irish, and really any threat there might have been to me is gone. Still, he insists on staying here to keep me safe.

When I’m in his arms…I forget the past and all the reasons I shouldn’t want to get close to a man. I remember that I’m a woman, and I have… needs. Zander awakens those needs. He has since I first laid eyes on him, but it’s worse since we’ve been living together. I’m tired of fighting it. I’m curious to know if it could be…good…

So, I’m standing in front of a naked Zander, his hands on my thighs, his fingers brushing underneath the rim of his t-shirt I’m wearing, and he’s looking at me as if I’m his next meal. I’m nervous, I’m scared, but I want him to consume me too. For once, I want to let go and experience…to feel.

“You’re sure, Hellcat?” he asks.

“Not really,” I answer honestly, and his sigh echoes in the room. He starts to pull away. “But, I want to try…,” I add to stop him.

His hand comes up to the side of my head, he massages his fingers into my hair, keeping his intense stare-down aimed at me.

“Time for truth, Hellcat. What are you hiding behind those beautiful eyes?”

“I don’t want to think about the past. Not right now, Zander. Not with you.”

“Will you tell me someday?” he asks.

My stomach sinks. “This was a mistake,” I tell him, feeling let down.

“Don’t do that, sweetheart. Don’t run, not now. I just need to know that someday you’ll be able to trust me with those damn secrets that haunt you.”

I take a deep breath. His words turn over in my brain. They mingle with the want, need, and fear…lots of fear.

“Before I got shot, we barely had a conversation, Zander. I don’t want to even think about my past. For once in my life, I want to know what it feels like to have a man between my legs that I don’t hate. You have a reputation for being the Savage MC stud. The one who satisfies and makes them beg for more. Tonight, I just want to see what makes all the girls throw caution to the wind for a man and not regret it. So, if that’s not you…forget it.”

I’ve said too much. I always do when my anger and fear mix, but I don’t want this from him. I want him to take. I was trying to shore up the courage to offer and not fuck it up with all the other shit that always stays in my head. I turn away from him, taking this as just another sign that I’m not a normal woman. I never will be. I get to the bedroom, pulling clothes out of my dresser. Tonight, is not going to be a sleeping night. I’ll go study the dancers or something. It’s time I wake back up to reality. This past week with Zander made me forget who I am.

I slide my jeans on, button them, and then try to remember where Nailer left Nic’s car keys when he dropped it off a few days ago. I keep Zander’s shirt on. Screw him. I’m claiming it. When I go to leave the room, I realize Zander is standing in front of the door, a white towel swung low on his hips.

“Come here, Hellcat.”

“I think the time for that is gone, I’m heading out to Pussy’s.”

“What the fuck for?”

I wonder what he would do if told him the truth? Fuck it, tonight seems to be the night for truth.

“I go to study the dancers.”

“The dancers? Is that it, you like chicks too? Cause sweetheart, I’m okay…”

“God, how did I forget you are an asshole? I go to study the dancers, so I can be better.”

“I don’t think you should be dancing.”

“I don’t actually care what you think. Anyways, I’m heading out. I’ll talk to you later, Zander.”

“Why does it matter if you dance better?” he asks, and this time the tone of his voice changes. I don’t know what it is, but it makes me feel like he really wants to know, and apparently tonight, I’m in the mood to tell everything—almost.

“Because, my body is all I have to depend on. If I’m good at dancing and make sure I stay in shape, then I’ll be able to take care of myself wherever I have to go.”

He frowns, like he doesn’t like my answers, but then…why would he? He doesn’t know who I am.

“Is that why you starve yourself all the time and drink that damn tea shit that stinks to high heaven?”

I shrug, “It’s called a cleanse. It keeps my metabolism up, and I don’t starve.”

“Hellcat, you have so many twists and turns you make me dizzy.”

“Don’t worry about it Stud, not like it matters. I’ll talk to you later,” I say, feeling defeated now. I got up the courage to take the plunge and it didn’t happen. Now, I just feel stupid, and I need to get away from him.

“I accept your terms,” he says, just as I begin to push through him to leave the room.

My hands freeze on his chest, and I look up at him.

“My terms?”

“Yeah. You don’t want the past brought up. You want to use my dick, I say absolutely. I just have one question. You answer it, and we’ll get this party started.”

I take a step away from him, wondering exactly what he’s got on his mind now.

“What’s the question? I already told you, I’m not discussing my past.”

“I get it, but what I have to ask you is very important on how we proceed here.”

His answer confuses me, but I’m curious and I still…want… him.

“Okay shoot, but I’m not promising to answer.”

I thought that would make him smile, it doesn’t. He looks totally serious and asks the one question, that I kind of hoped he would never ask.

“You said you have never had a man between your legs you didn’t ha….”

“I told you I’m not talking about this,” I interrupt him.

He puts his hands up before I continue and moves so that he is completely blocking the door. Blocking any hope of escape.

“I’m not asking for details, sweetheart. I’m asking you to tell me one thing and one thing only.”

I have this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I feel exposed—like I’ve given too much away. I can’t take it back now, it’s too late. I let my guard down, and all I can hope is that it doesn’t come back around and bite me in the ass.

“Go ahead and ask me then.”

“Have you ever had an orgasm?”

I don’t want to answer. I don’t. I also can’t forget how sweet he’s been this week. How he’s taken care of me, how he’s been watching out for me, protecting me, and most of all…how he makes me feel.

“I don’t see how this…”

“It makes every fucking difference in the world. So, I’m going to ask you one more time Hellcat, and you’re going to answer.”

“Has a man ever made you come?”

I drop my gaze and stare down at my feet. My toenail polish is chipped. I should fix that before I go out…

“Hellcat, eyes. Give me those eyes. Has a man ever made you come?”

“I…no. There are you happy now? Jesus. If using a man for sex is this difficult, I have no idea why women don’t just remain virgins.”

He gives me a kind of cocky half smile, and the little lines at the corner of his eyes crinkle. I get that damn feeling in my stomach that he’s been giving me all week. Damn it.

“I’ll show you why in a minute. Now, I have one more question.”

“Oh no. No way Stud, you said one question, and that’s what I agreed to. One question.”

“That question, necessitated the next.”

“Necessitated? Jesus Zander.”

“Have you ever made yourself orgasm, Hellcat?”

My heart stops. There’s a question I wasn’t expecting. If I tell him the truth, will he see how truly pathetic I am? Shit.

“No, and that’s all you’re getting. Do not bother asking me why, Zander, or so help me, I will take that lamp you’re standing beside and bang it over the side of your head.”

He doesn’t say anything in return. Instead, he walks to the bed, turns the covers down, and turns back around to look at me.

“Get up here on the bed, Hellcat,” he orders, and his voice has that rough, gravely tone he used when he said my name in the shower… when he… God, he got himself off, and mine was the name he had on his lips. That has to mean something, right? Shit. What am I doing?