It’s only been a few days. and I ache for him. I crave him. I’m on day three of hell. Living here at the club and seeing Zander every day, but not talking to him, not touching him, or even having his smile when we pass, is destroying me. I regretted the shit I said to him the minute I did it. I just couldn’t stop. The thought that Zander was out there trying to find Michael, chills me to the bone. If Michael knew where I was, he wouldn’t rest until he killed Zander. He wouldn’t stand for any man touching what he deemed his property. Hell, he killed the gardener for just smiling at me once. He bragged for a week on how he made it appear the man had accidentally locked himself in the greenhouse and the propane heater had a malfunction causing carbon monoxide to build up. He would torture Zander just to get to me, because he would know it would hurt me.

Zander thinks he and the club can handle Michael. He has no idea how powerful Michael is. He doesn’t know who Michael has in his back pocket, or the shit he has on government officials that assures he’s not going to get caught. He thinks Michael is a fuck-up who gets his rocks off on beating women. If he knew the truth? There would be no controlling Zander on avenging me. Or even worse, Michael would do just like he had done with the doctors and the police. He would tell Zander about my hospital stay in Rose Hill and convince him I was insane. He would convince Zander that he was the wronged husband trying to heal the crazy woman. I’ve seen him do it over and over. I couldn’t handle that look in Zander’s eyes. It would destroy me.

Michael can’t be stopped. The fact that he had me admitted into a psychiatric facility so easily, just because I refused to marry him, showed me that. It made me fall in line—well, after being locked up for a month. Had I known the brutal hell that awaited me on the outside, I would have gladly spent the rest of my days behind the gray walls and steel bars of Rose Hill. Besides, everything that Michael has gotten away with since then shows me he’s invincible. From the murders, to the cops in his back pocket, to the doctors who sided with him, along with the lawyers, and court judges—with all those on his side, there’s nothing Zander could do to Michael. Trying would either put him behind bars like Dancer, or get him killed. I can’t risk either. I love him.

I need to move. I can’t go back to the house because Carrot Top and Dancer have moved in there. I should go back to Ray and Paul’s. I have a room there, they want me. I can’t bring myself to move away from Zander. At least not yet. The thought of not seeing him every day, at least from a distance brings a panic more intense than any I’ve ever had.

I’m out back of the main Savage MC Compound, where they usually have the parties and bonfires. I’m sitting on an old picnic table thumbing through the rental adds in the local London newspaper. My heart’s not in it. It’s just not. I’m about to highlight a listing that’s downtown next to the restaurant that Nic and I like to eat at a lot, when a large hand swipes the paper away.

“What the fuck is this?”

Zander.

“It’s a newspaper, Captain Obvious.”

“You aren’t fucking leaving, Dani.”

“There’s no reason for me to stay here anymore, Phoenix has been caught,” I tell him, referring to the man who tried to get revenge on Dancer and the rest of the crew. “In fact, all the Savage Brothers’ drama has quieted down. Nicole is growing fat and planning a wedding, Carrie is growing fat and playing house with Dancer. All is right with the world. It’s time I strike out on my own.”

“You don’t think I’m reason enough for you to stay here?”

Yes! My heart cries. I ignore it, for a question I need to know the answer to. “Did you stop looking for Michael, yet?”

Silence.

I nod in response. “Then no, you aren’t enough,” I lie.

“So, it’s all your way or no way, Hellcat?”

“On this? Yeah, it is.”

“If I agree? If I give up and accept your terms and stay away from searching this Michael out? What do I get?”

“What do you want?” I ask, my heart hammering in my chest.

“You.”

“You had me.”

“Without restrictions. No more sneaking, no more hiding that you’re mine. You take my claim, you wear my jacket and you fucking wear my name.”

Again, my heart screams yes. Then, I remember that Michael is out there, and I remember what he could do to Zander, and I…panic. I want to. Would it be safe? Michael would never look for me in the midst of a motorcycle club. It wouldn’t ever occur to him that the woman he once knew would do that. Would it be fair to Zander?

“I’m…scared,” I whisper quietly, because ultimately it all boils down to that.

“Have I ever done anything Hellcat, to make you think you should fear me?”

“I need to go slowly, Zander. I have to…”

“I have to have more than we did before.”

My stomach knots up. I understand, but it doesn’t make it any easier.

“I liked what we had before…”

His hand pulls my chin up so my eyes meet his. I will never get over the fact that this man could easily be a Greek god. His dark eyes pull me in, and they refuse to let me go.

“Hellcat, give in.”

“Why are you making this all or nothing?”

“Because woman, I love you. Do you not fucking get that?”

It’s the second time he’s said it really. The first time, I didn’t allow myself time to think on it. This time I try to let the words sink in.

“You promise me, Zander. If I tell you more about me…about why I’m this way…you’ll stop seeking out Michael. You’ll help me move forward and give me time?”

“As long as you really try, then abso-fucking-lutely, Hellcat.”

“I love you…” I whisper, because I feel like he should know.

“Hellcat,” his voice drops down to a whisper. It’s thick and full of emotion, but I push ahead before I can second guess myself.

“I warned you. I am broken, Zander. I can’t give you what you want. At least not right now.”

“What are you gaining by keeping us secret, Hellcat? Tell me.”

I think about his question—really think about it. It might not make sense, but I’m protecting him. If people don’t know, if it’s not common knowledge, then if the devil finds me Zander won’t be a target.

“Safety,” I tell him. He looks confused. He doesn’t get it, I can tell from the look in his eyes.

“This back and forth, push and pull needs to stop between us.”

I don’t know what to say to that, so I just stay quiet.

“If I agree to this shit? If I give you a little more time, you’re going to tell me about your past. You’re going to trust me, and you are going to accept my claim, eventually. Let me hear those words out of that damned mouth of yours.”

Just agreeing to this is causing my heart to stutter and a cold, clammy sweat to pop out over my body. “If you promise to leave Michael alone, then yes,” I confirm.

“And you’ll be in my bed tonight?”

I don’t even have to think about that answer. “Definitely.”

“Then we have a deal, Hellcat.”