Chapter Seven
Cade
December 5, Tuesday Night
The music thumped so loudly through me I could feel my bones rattling painfully. It was an uncomfortable sensation that no amount of whatever the hell this sticky liquid in my glass was could help. I couldn’t seem to let loose, however hard I tried. My heart ached, my eyes stung from the erratic strobe lighting, and all I wanted to do was leave. I’d gotten to the stage when all I wanted to do was sleep. I didn’t have anything to do in the morning, but still, I didn’t want to be out.
“This is amazing, isn’t it?” Matt screeched as he dove back in from the dance floor. He had the wild eyes of a drunk person, and a crumpled shirt to match. He looked like he’d been dragged through a hedge backward, but still, his expression was one of sheer joy. “The nautical theme is cool, right?”
No, the club was tacky as hell, but what was the point of bringing my friend down? He loved this sort of thing. Hell, he lived for it. I smiled as widely as I could manage before slugging back more of the paint stripper drink that was nothing like the whiskey I’d had the other day. “Er, yeah, it’s good.” Why did I let myself get dragged here? I should have just said no.
“You don’t look like you’re having a good time. What’s going on?” Matt sidled closer and gave me an inquisitive look. Even though he’d been drinking heavily, he was perceptive enough to pick up on my bleak mood.
“I dunno, I just don’t like this scene anymore,” I shrugged as I spoke. “I don’t know what’s changed. I guess I’ve just gotten older.”
“Oh, don’t be silly, you’re not much older than me,” he laughed loudly. “What’s really going on? You’ve changed recently. I don’t know what’s different about you, but you’re not the person you once were.
Instantly, Alissa came to mind: “I don’t like the way money changes people.” I didn’t think I’d changed too much. Yes, I had a new apartment, and there was a shiny watch on my wrist that hadn’t been there before – but that was all. I was still the same person inside. It got to me when she said that, and it seemed it’d had a lasting impression on me.
“You’ve got steadily more boring, buddy.” Matt clapped me hard on the back. “You want to sort that out.”
“Yeah, maybe,” I replied distractedly.
Suddenly, I felt more out of place than before. Everyone inside this building was having an awesome time, and I was just standing on the outside looking in. I had just been given a billion dollars; I was supposed to be having the time of my life, but I wasn’t. I was empty and felt a bit lonely. I looked around the building filled with people and felt disconnected from all of them.
I wasn’t sure why I was that way. I was freer than I’d ever been. So why did I feel like there was a heavy burden weighing on my shoulders?
“I’m just heading to the bathroom. I’ll be back in a moment.”
I shoved my way through the crowd, pushing through the sweaty, dancing bodies until a neon little man indicated I’d reached the bathroom. The room was busy as hell, which instantly alerted me to my mistake. I should never have come in here for a moment’s peace. If I wanted to get some time to myself, I needed to get back home. Surely Matt wouldn’t give a shit now? I thought. He was fully in the swing of things. I was only in the way.
With a roll of my eyes, I turned back toward the bar where I instantly spotted Matt in the middle of the dance floor. I half considered leaving without even bothering to say goodbye, but I knew that I’d never hear the end of it, so I made an effort to make it to him.
“Hey, Matt.” I grabbed him by the shoulder. “I’m going out. I’ve got to get home.”
“No, no, no. Look, here’s Bridget, she’s been waiting to meet you.” He shoved a girl with bright dyed red hair in front of me. She gave me a sweet smile and started shaking her hips. “She’s friends with Miranda.”
Ah, okay. He wanted me to be his wingman. I still wanted to leave, but I didn’t want to be an asshole. “Oh, of course. Hi, Bridget.”
She didn’t even bother to answer me, she simply wrapped one hand possessively around my neck and rolled her hips into me. There was a deep lust in her eyes, a desire that needed to be sated. She was hot, too, in an overtly sexy sort of way, and Matt needed me to dance so he could try and hit on her friend...
I needed to find it within me to have a little bit of fun. Just for a few minutes or so. That shouldn’t be too hard.
I shook my hips in time to the music, but the more than Bridget tried to force herself upon me, the further I could feel myself retreating. It would’ve been so easy. All it would have taken was only little look, and I could’ve had this woman back at my home doing whatever I wanted to me. I could probably take her into the coat check room in this club, and we’d do it there, but the idea had me shrinking in on myself. I just couldn’t make myself want her. I kept thinking how I’d done that sort of thing before so I could easily do it again, but it just didn’t work.
“What’s wrong with you?” she finally snapped in a sharp tone of voice. “Why are you acting so frigid?”
“What do you...” I couldn’t believe she’d just said that to me. It took me back a bit. “What do you mean?” I was dancing, wasn’t I? I was here with her when I didn’t want to be. Just because I didn’t have my tongue down her throat, didn’t make me a bad person.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, your friend said you were boring tonight, but he didn’t say you were a dickhead, as well!” His eyes filled with fury. I took another step back to get away from her. “So, what the fuck is wrong with you? Is it me?”
“No, I-”
“So, what is it, hmm?” She got right up in my face, almost as if she was trying to intimidate me. It was all very strange. “What is your problem?”
“I don’t have a problem.”
“You’re an asshole.”
The harshness of her words reminded me of Alissa, but only because she was the complete opposite. Alissa spoke softly and sweetly, and everything she said had a purpose. I would have much rather been talking with her at that moment. At least around her, I felt like the fact that I was falling wasn’t so terrible after all.
“Oh, fuck you.”
Bridget grew so bored of me that she finally pushed me away and stormed off. I shrugged and gave Matt an apologetic look, but he didn’t seem too concerned anymore. His girl seemed to have forgotten all about her friend. I gave him a sharp wave and finally made myself leave.
Relief flooded me as I made my way out. I was never going to enjoy that party. I had known it as soon as the invite came my way, so I wasn’t sure why I allowed myself to get dragged into it. What an idiot!
I breathed deeply as the cold night air hit my face. It felt good to be out of that joint. The sticky alcohol still coated my throat and left my brain a little dizzy, but I could calm myself down now that I was outside.
That was not the sort of place I would ever meet Alissa – she was far too sweet. With her long auburn hair and her beautiful bright eyes, she was the epitome of beauty. Weirdly, as we sat across from one another in the diner, all I’d wanted to do was reach out and touch her. I wanted to brush her soft skin, I wanted to caress her beautiful skin, and I wanted to wrap my arms around her to keep her safe.
She had issues, too, deep-seated ones. I felt like she really needed saving from herself. I could tell how she’d gotten to such a state – it was obviously that bitch Helen’s doing. She was probably jealous of her daughter, so she made her feel like shit. That made me furious, but mostly, it made me feel sad. I wanted to protect her. I wanted to make her feel good about herself.
I wanted her.
It was crazy to admit, which is why I could only do it now in a half-drunk state, but I really liked her. There was something so incredibly beautiful about her sweetness. I liked her in a way that a stepbrother really shouldn’t.
Of course, I could justify it to myself. We didn’t grow up together; our parents only got married recently, when we were already adults. Plus, we’d only met twice, so it wasn’t like we had any sort of family bond. But still, it felt strange.
I grabbed my cell phone out of my pocket and stared at her number for a few moments, wondering if I should call her. It was late, it probably wasn’t the best idea, but I felt compelled to do so. I wanted to wash Bridget’s horrible words from my brain by listening to Alissa speak softly and delicately. I had this incredible urge to talk to her, but I wasn’t sure if it would be too forced.
No, I couldn’t.
I stuffed my phone away and put my head down to concentrate on walking. I needed to forget about Alissa for a while. I couldn’t call her right away, anyway. It would seem weird.
There was a lot of tension between us as it was because of our parents, I didn’t want to make it worse. We’d said that we were going to hang out again, and we would. There was no need for it to be right now. I didn’t want to rush things and seem like a crazy stalker. I wanted her to like me. No, for now, I would wait. I wouldn’t call, even if that was what I really wanted.
I could just ask her out for dinner; we could have a meal, have a talk. That wouldn’t be so weird, would it? I knew that she was struggling, and I could tell that she really didn’t want to accept any money from my father. But, maybe, she would from me? There was absolutely no reason why a Julliard-educated girl should be playing in the streets for bits of money and a damn condom chucked in her case. She had so clearly been embarrassed about that, so I didn’t even mention it.
I needed to speak to Alissa. I had to find a way to help her.
Like a chump, I pulled my cell phone out again and stared at the screen. I knew I was just making excuses to myself because this was something that I really wanted to do, but that didn’t mean it was a bad idea, did it? Just one little call and that would be it. If Alissa didn’t want to spend time with me, she could just say no.
God, I hoped that she didn’t say no.