Chapter Sixteen
Morgan
Saturday
I felt positive as I walked out the door of Lights Out. I’d achieved what I needed to, so there was certainly no reason to stay. I didn’t particularly want to be there, so there was no point in sticking around any longer. It was time to go home and put my feet up, to rest my weary body. Pregnancy was tough. I felt like hell most of the time, so this was going to be a nice break.
“Morgan! Hey!” I heard a familiar voice calling out behind me, which made me instantly spin around. Nickie was furiously waving at me like I was the best person she could see. It wasn’t going to end well because I had no intention of going back inside there.
“Oh, hi, Nickie.” I moved closer to her, pushing my way through the crowds of people. “Sorry, I feel like hell again. I think I’m gonna go home.”
I felt awful when her face fell. If I felt any better, I’d do a total one eighty and do as she wanted, but I really did feel dreadful. “Oh, okay.” She paused for a second, pausing her lips thoughtfully. “You know what, I’m not really in the mood either. Do you mind if I come back with you? I feel like we haven’t spent much time together recently.”
“Oh, of course.” I was surprised, but pleased by that suggestion. “Yeah, that sounds great.” It really had been too long. Maybe I had been distancing myself without really thinking about it because I didn’t want to reveal my secret until I was good and ready. I’d missed Nickie a lot. I linked my arm through hers and grinned. “Come on, let’s get a cab.”
On the drive back through the city to my home, Nickie talked endlessly about some guy who’d been trying to chat her up in the line to get into Lights Out. Obviously she’d wanted to avoid him, which was why she came with me, but I felt like there was more to the story. It was almost as if she couldn’t stand the silence that might drift between us if she hadn’t been talking. Almost as if there was an awkwardness between us.
Was I really that bad a friend? I guess I had been a bit too self involved recently, but there was a reason for that. Once I finally braved telling her she would understand...hopefully.
“Yeah, so actually I’m glad not to go. Plus, I have to admit you are right about the maternity lot. They’re fun, but sometimes I feel like I really don’t fit in.”
“I told you,” I giggled smugly, glad to be proven right. “They’re baby bores.”
Even as I said that joke, it sent cold terror spiking into my system. I was about to become my own baby bore, but for a whole different reason. I knew that I could’ve told Terrance there and then, I could’ve just shocked him in the middle of the club, so he could feel a little bit of how I felt. Maybe it would’ve given me a bit of satisfaction.
But it just didn’t feel right.
Still, it was okay. We had each other’s numbers and vague plans for dinner tomorrow night. I could just tell him then.
“Right, here we are.” I was shocked from my thoughts by Nickie nudging me. “I’ve paid the driver, let’s go inside. I’m desperate for the bathroom!”
Nickie grabbed my keys from my hand and raced towards my apartment, leaving me in her dust. I chuckled a little and followed behind her, glad to have some company. Maybe before I was looking forward to a night alone, but now I realized it’d be nice not to be left alone with my thoughts. Nickie was always good for a laugh and immersing myself in her life for a while would be a welcome distraction.
I wandered inside and kicked my shoes off instantly, glad to be able to rest my feet. I wasn’t wearing the highest of heels because the last thing I wanted to do was fall and I hadn’t had them on for long, but still they felt sore.
I practically staggered inside and fell onto the couch, just to see Nickie’s head pop around the bathroom door with a shocked expression on her face. “Everything alright?” I asked casually, flopping my head backwards into the cushion behind me and sliding my eyes closed, just for a second. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“I feel like I have!” she exclaimed, with a hint of mania to her tone. “I’m okay. I think the question is, are you?”
“What do you mean?” I murmured, barely paying attention to her.
She pulled out her hand from behind her back and flashed the one pregnancy test that came in the bulk pack that I hadn’t used. I wasn’t sure why I’d saved it. I just shoved it in the cabinet because I wasn’t thinking straight. “What’s this? Is there something you want to tell me?”
“I... I...” I couldn’t keep putting it off, just because the timing didn’t feel right. I was desperate to share this news anyway, so maybe it was the right moment now. My shoulders sagged, I blew out a deep breath of air, then I said it.
“Okay, well, I’m pregnant.”
“You’re what?” she screamed, dropping the test on the ground. “How the hell are you pregnant? What the fuck is going on with you?” She slid onto the couch next to me, giving me an expectant look. “You really are a dark horse. I didn’t even know you had a boyfriend.”
“No, it isn’t like that, I don’t.” I hated how this was going to make me sound. “You know the guy I helped about a month and a half ago?”
“The one who got beat up? You didn’t!” She looked scandalized, but in an extremely happy way.
“Not that night, the night he called me up to the VIP section.” I could feel my whole face heating up as the story rolled off my tongue. It was like a heavy weight was lifting from my shoulders.
“Is that why you rushed off? You should’ve told me you were going back to his house.”
“I didn’t go back to his house.”
I waited patiently for the penny to drop. Nickie’s face went through a range of emotions as she started to see what had gone on. “In the club? Oh my God, that’s incredible. It’s about time that you had some fun.”
“Yeah, but there have been consequences.” I raised my eyebrows at her, trying to make her remember that this wasn’t just a crazy sex story, this was an ongoing issue that I had no idea what to do with. “And now... I feel a bit weird about everything.”
“So, you’re about five weeks pregnant?” Nickie asked, doing the mental math. “Does he know yet? Have you seen him since?”
“I just have. That’s why I went to Lights Out.” For a second, I remembered his face, and the squishy way he made me feel inside. He made my heart flip flop in my chest, my breaths come in short and ragged, and I felt that magnetic pull dragging me back in.
I hated that I liked him so much, that he was the first person for me to feel so much chemistry with. It made this so much harder. I couldn’t think as objectively as I’d like.
“And, what did he say? Was he an asshole? Do I need to punch someone?”
“No, I didn’t exactly say anything. I just asked him to meet me tomorrow.” As if he could sense me talking about him, my phone bleeped out at that moment with a message from an unknown number. All it took was one glance at my hand to know that it was from him. “Oh hang on, this is him.”
‘Can I pick you up tomorrow night at eight for dinner? Terrance.’
“Say yes,” Nickie insisted. “This is no time to play it cool – it isn’t a normal date. You need to tell him this news as soon as possible to help with any decision making. The sooner you know what he’s going to be like, the better.”
‘Yes, that’s fine. Here’s my address,’ I replied, under my friend’s command.
“He must be rich, right?” she asked with a grin. “So, I don’t think you’ll have any issues with him at least stepping up financially.”
I nodded along, as if this was good news. But to be honest, that didn’t make me feel any better. I didn’t want Terrance to think that I was a gold digger, that I’d targeted him specifically because of his wealth and that this was all just part of some big plot.
“Yeah, I hope you’re right. It’ll still be hard doing it alone, though.”
“Well, you might not have to. Terrance might want to be really involved. And, I’ll be here, plus your mom will be over the moon. All she’s wanted for ages is a grandchild. Finally, you won’t be a disappointment to her.”
“I don’t think she meant like this!” I replied wryly. “I think she assumed that there would be a bit of a family unit when it came down to it.”
Nickie unexpectedly grabbed me and pulled me in for a deep hug. It felt really nice to have my friend’s comfort. I should’ve known that she wouldn’t judge me, that she’d be a pillar of support. “You have me,” she whispered into my ear. “You’ll always have me. I hope you know that.”
“I do, thank you.” Tears filled my eyes, but I didn’t let them fall. Not this time.
I flicked the television on and some old black and white film was playing. We settled down to watch it without even caring what would happen in the plot. My mind was reeling, and the chances were she had a lot to think about, too. It was definitely a shock for me to end up the one pregnant by some man that I didn’t know, but that was where we were.
Now I just had to find the way to make the best out of it.
Hey, Terrance. I’m pregnant, and the baby is yours.
You know that crazy moment in the closet? Well, we’re having a baby. Sorry.
Yay, good news, we’re having a baby. That’s fantastic, right? Right?
Oh God, how the hell was I going give this life changing information out? Even if Terrance decided he wanted nothing to do with what was going on, it would still affect him forever. He would still know that I was carrying his child.
Maybe I wouldn’t tell him, not just yet. Maybe I would wait just a little bit longer while I tried to work out exactly what sort of man he was first. I sort of knew that he wasn’t a terrible person from the brief meetings we’d had, but that could be wrong.
I would just judge how tomorrow went and go from there. Maybe the moment to reveal all would just naturally crop up somehow. Unlikely as that was, it wasn’t impossible.
I grabbed my cell phone and stored Terrance’s number into my contacts so that I had it permanently, even when it washed off my hand, then I made my way into the bathroom. There, I stared at the unfamiliar face looking back at me in the mirror.
The girl I was looking at seemed resigned, yet terrified all at once. Scared, and weary too. Much as Nickie’s words were kind, I would effectively be doing this alone, and I still wasn’t sure how capable I was of doing that.
“It’ll be fine,” I sighed as I did my best to convince my reflection. “This won’t be so terrible... Will it?”