Chapter Five
ALICIA
Somehow, I made it upstairs to my apartment in a zombie-like fog after I left Adam. I stripped off my dress, hose, and shoes on the way to my bedroom. I didn’t even wash my face. I just crawled underneath the covers and slipped into a sleep filled with nightmares of attending Adam and Marjorie’s reunion party. I was dressed all in black, with what looked like an old woman’s hand-knit shawl draped carelessly over my shoulders. The Adam in my dream only took his eyes off of his impeccably-dressed wife once. That was to glance in my direction with disdain and something that resembled pity.
I woke to the alarm screaming loudly with the pillow over my face and the dream still playing in my head. I knew it wasn’t real, but I couldn’t help but remind myself the reason I’d dreamt it in the first place was because Adam had spent the night before with Marjorie.
I finally reached over and stopped the incessantly screaming alarm and forced my weary limbs out of the bed. I had to be in Judge Nolan’s courtroom promptly at nine a.m., and from the feel of the left-over make-up crusted to my eyelid, it was going to take me a little more time than usual to get ready. I put on my morning coffee to brew and headed for the shower. As I passed my purse in the floor where I left it the night before, I realized it was ringing. I thought about just walking on by when I realized it was Adam’s ringtone. Deciding I may as well get it over with before I saw him at work, I fished it out and answered it with a curt,
“Hello?”
“Good morning, baby,” he said, like nothing had ever happened. When I didn’t say anything back right away, he asked, “How are you?”
I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry as I asked, “How would you imagine I am, Adam?”
I heard him sigh, and knowing him so well, I pictured him rubbing his hand over his face and then dragging his fingers through his hair as he often did when he was anxious or upset.
“I can’t tell you how sorry I am that Marjorie ruined our evening. I had a horrendous night, if it makes you feel any better.” He gave a small laugh and then added, much more seriously, “Nothing would have made me happier than to have woke up next to you this morning.” Again, I didn’t say anything. “Baby, we will talk later, I promise. I just need you to keep in mind that she is trying to take everything from me that I have worked for my entire adult life. I cannot…no, I will not just sit back and allow that to happen. I’m sorry you are always caught in the middle of all of this. Truly, I am. I love you.”
“I will try to keep it in mind. Now, however, I have to get dressed. I’m due in court in an hour, and I can’t be late.”
“Okay,” he said. I could tell he was disappointed. He had probably hoped that his words alone would be enough to send my anger running, as usual. He was very good at talking. It was actually what he did best. He earned his living by phrasing things in just the right way. I wasn’t buying it that easily this time.
“We’ll talk later.” Without saying anything further, I hung up.
I was good, as most lawyers are, at compartmentalizing things. I put my anger towards Adam in a box in the corner of my mind. The lid wasn’t shut tightly, and I knew the thoughts would seep out throughout the day, but I didn’t have time to let it consume me today. I had a client and two colleagues that were depending on me to give one hundred percent of myself today, and that is what I intended to do.
********
An hour later, I was rushing up the steps to the courthouse and nearly collided head-on with a man who was on his way down. He put out his arm to stop me from falling backwards, and when I looked up to thank him, I realized that I was looking into the emerald green eyes of my former lover, Jack Grant. “Oh my God, Jack?”
“Alicia! What an amazing coincidence bumping into you…literally. I actually left a message for you yesterday at your office.”
I smoothed down the edges of my skirt with my free hand and looking back up at Jack I said, “I know. I’m so sorry I hadn’t had a moment to get back with you yet.” I glanced at my watch and realized I didn’t have a moment now. “I have to apologize once more, I’m afraid. I’m due in court, now, as a matter of fact. Is there a chance you might be free for lunch? We can catch up then.”
Jack smiled. I had almost forgotten how good looking he was. “Of course,” he said. “The sandwich shop across the street okay?”
“Perfect,” I told him. “I’ll see you around noon.”
“I’ll be looking forward to it,” he said with another dazzling smile. I swallowed the lump that had involuntarily formed in my throat and headed in to the courthouse. I rushed in to find that Kyla had already started. Nico and Nelson were seated at the defendant’s table, and Dawson and his assistant DA sat at the table opposite. Jury selection was in process, and I tried to slip into the chair next to Nico quietly so as not to alert Judge Nolan to my tardiness. He was a tough judge who was known for his lack of tolerance for things that slowed business down in any way in his court.
Nico handed me a list of potential jurors as I sat. He and his paralegal assistant had already done the hard work of putting them in groups by age, profession, and even race. When picking a jury, it was essential that everything that could possibly work for or against our client be taken into consideration. I smiled at him and mouthed, “Thank you.” I made eye contact with Nelson and smiled and mouthed, “I’m sorry I’m late.”
He nodded, and I turned my attention back to Kyla who was questioning juror number one. She was doing an excellent job, and I allowed myself to take that time to try and pull myself together. I had to keep slamming the lid shut on the box in my brain that was supposed to be keeping the thoughts of Adam from consuming me all day. I consciously slowed my breathing and glanced at Nelson again. I reminded myself once again that his life, if not literally, was at least figuratively in our hands.
Kyla finished with the juror and took her seat on the other side of me as Dawson approached the bench. I also mouthed a “Thank you” in Kyla’s direction, and then added an “I’m sorry.” She gestured with her palm to show me it was not a huge deal and things were under control.
The rest of the morning was spent picking or contesting jurors. By lunchtime, both sides had agreed on only six jurors. The judge excused us, instructing everyone to be back at one-thirty. I couldn’t be positive, but thought that Judge Nolan may have looked in my direction as he added, “sharp” to the instructions. It was probably just my guilty conscience.
After I formally apologized to Nelson for being late and assured him it wouldn’t happen again, I told Nico and Kyla I was meeting an old friend for lunch. At Kyla’s quizzical look, I told her that we would talk later. I hurried across the street and found Jack waiting for me at a table near the door. He stood up when he saw me. I greeted him properly this time with a hug and a peck on the cheek.
He held me back with his arms and said, “You still look amazing,”
“And, you’re still a sweet-talker, but thank you. You look pretty amazing yourself.” Jack pulled out my chair and after I was seated, he took a seat himself.
“So,” I asked after the waitress had taken our order. “What in the world are you doing in New York?”
“Well, my father’s business dealings have made it across the pond, so I was assigned to follow them here. We’re currently in the midst of trying to get all of the legal aspects, such as patents and licenses. I guess Dad decided to take full advantage of having a lawyer in the family.”
I smiled. I recalled that Jack and his father’s relationship had always been tenuous at best. The Grants owned one of the largest and most lucrative textile companies in Europe. All of the Grant men before Jack had gone straight from college to the boardroom. Jack had decided instead to go to law school, which had greatly disappointed his father. It looked like maybe family guilt had won out, after all. Here sat Jack, thousands of miles from home, working for his family at last.
“Well, I for one, am glad they sent you here,” I told him. “It is wonderful to see you.”
“Yes,” he said with a grin. “There are definite advantages to working in New York, I am beginning to see.”
I saw something in his eyes that made me think maybe Jack was hoping for more than just a simple reunion between friends. I caught myself just as I was about to tell him about Adam. What were me and Adam, after all? If I wasn’t sure myself, I doubted that I could explain it to someone else.
Instead, we launched into small talk about old friends and acquaintances. Jack told me that he ran into my parents often at social functions and that they always talked so proudly of all I had accomplished for myself. That was really nice to hear. I knew they loved me and were proud of me, but I also knew they both hoped I’d be married with a family by now.
“Your mother does add, every chance she gets, how disappointed she is that you and I didn’t work out.”
I rolled my eyes. “You know Mother. She truly believes that I should be married and have two point four children by now. Although at my age she only had one, and the nanny was doing most of the raising.”
Jack gave a little laugh. “Yes, but if it weren’t for our nannies, we may have never met.”
I had to laugh, as well. I thought back to the day Jack and I had officially met. We were both in kindergarten, and I had begged my nanny to take me to the park after my lessons one spring day. A little dark-haired boy with the greenest eyes that I had ever seen was on the swing next to me. My nanny sat on the bench next to another lady about the same age, and they talked as if they knew each other. The boy looked at me and smiled. Instead of smiling back I said,
“You have dirt on your nose,”
The little boy had looked sad or offended, and he got off the swing as soon as he could stop it. He ran over to the ladies on the bench, and the woman that had been speaking with my nanny picked up his backpack and they walked away together. I also got off the swing and went over to my nanny.
“Do you know that boy?” I asked her.
“Yes, his name is Jack. His family is very well known around here. What did you say to him, Alicia?” my nanny asked. “He seemed upset.”
“I just told him he had dirt on his nose,” I said. “I didn’t know he’d be so sensitive.”
“Oh, Alicia, it’s not dirt. He was in a car accident when he was very small. They’ve been doing surgery after surgery on his face for years. His nose is one of the last places left where you can see the burns still. I’m afraid you hurt his feelings.”
I can still remember how sick I had felt in the pit of my stomach. I had never been one to be hateful to people for any reason. I had actually always wanted to defend people that others treated poorly. It was something I was born with and a big part of why I had become an attorney. I had spent the next few days bugging my nanny Marie to take me to the boy so I could apologize. Marie had finally set up a meeting with Jack’s nanny back in the park. As soon as I saw him, I had gone straight up to him and said,
“I want to apologize for my bad manners. I didn’t realize you had an injury on your nose. I would have never said anything if I had.”
He took me by surprise with his broad smile. “It’s okay. I went home and looked in the mirror that day. It actually made me happy that it only looks like dirt now. It’s much better.” Jack and I had been friends from that day on. We were lovers years later and now here we sat, both of us grown and successful.
“I guess you’re right,” I said to Jack. “If not for our nannies…” I let it lie there. We both knew that our times together were moments we would both hold in our hearts forever.
We launched into more talk about old times and people we both knew and before I knew it, the lunch hour was over and I had to get back to court. I gave Jack my cell number, and he said he would call later in the week. I embraced him again before I left. I had honestly missed my friend. I was glad to have him back. As I walked away, I glanced back at him. The look that he had as he watched me go made me think again, though, that I really should clarify my intentions the next time we met.
The rest of the day in court was more of the same. Jury selection, as important as it was, could be a tedious chore. Nico, Kyla, and I were all happy when by three p.m., both sides had agreed on two more jurors and one alternate. The trial could begin now, and the judge scheduled opening arguments for the following Monday morning.
Nico and Kyla had ridden in together that morning from the office, so I told them I would meet them back there.
As I drove into the lot where the associates and partners park, I saw Marjorie, again. She was getting out of the backseat of a black Mercedes. The door was being held open for her by the driver, and she was leaning in talking to a man inside. I recognized him as Hal Rogers. Hal owned a large law firm, Rogers, Stein, and Rogers, and they often went up against Adam and his lawyers in civil court. He was Marjorie’s lawyer, and if Adam was right, her lover, as well.
I tried to walk by quickly without making myself obvious, but just as I approached the car, Marjorie looked up and noticed me.
“Hal, here she is! This is the girl that was draped on Adam’s arm when he came home last night. Girl…oh, girl!” Marjorie yelled out rudely at me like she was calling to one of her servants. I ignored her and kept walking. I could hear her calling me until I got inside. Confrontation with Marjorie was not going to do neither me nor Adam any good at this point.
I opened the lobby doors and slipped quickly inside. I made my way back to my office with quick nods and smiles at the skeleton staff that was left in the building this late in the afternoon and slipped into my office. Once the door was closed behind me, I leaned against it and took several deep breaths to calm myself. I startled as I both felt and heard a knock on the door behind me. Thinking it was probably Carla, I turned and opened it. To my dismay it wasn’t Carla, but Marjorie.
She pushed past me, not waiting to be invited in and said, “I tried to get your attention in the lot, did you not hear me?”
This woman was a real piece of work. “Oh, I heard you, yes. I’m sure everyone out there did. I do not, however, answer to ‘Girl.’”
Marjorie smiled, or at least her face moved as much as her multiple plastic surgeries would allow it to. “I do apologize,” she said insincerely. “I guess that was rude, wasn’t it? I just can’t for the life of me remember what my husband said your name was.” I felt the knot in my stomach tighten at the word “husband,” even though I was sure that upsetting me was Marjorie’s intention.
“My name is Alicia. Alicia Winston. What exactly can I do for you, Mrs. Hanson?” I almost spat out the “Mrs.” and it was obvious that Marjorie knew it.
“I just thought we should formally meet,” she said as she helped herself to a seat on the couch in my office. “After all, if you are going to continue sleeping with my husband, while he and I continue to try and settle our divorce, I’m sure we’ll be running into each other often.”
I felt my face grow hot. Marjorie’s only intention here was to get to me, and unfortunately she was accomplishing her goal.
“I fail to see who I, or Adam for that matter, sleep with as you put it, is any of your concern. Now if that’s all, I do have work to do.”
Marjorie stood and glanced around the office. “You do know, of course, that part of my settlement will include this law firm.” When I refused to engage her, she went on, “My first order of business when that happens will be to take out the trash.” Picking up her coat and leaving me fuming, she exited through the open door. I slammed it shut behind her…right on Adam.
“How long have you been out there?” I asked.
“Just long enough to see Marjorie breezing out,” he told me as he came in and closed the door. “What was that about?”
I sighed, “Does it really matter, Adam?” I asked, wearily. “She has planted herself in your life and grown roots. She does not intend to be removed until she has exactly what she wants. Either you are willing to give it to her, or you continue to live with her antics. I for one, do not have the time, energy, or desire for any of it any longer.”
“What are you saying?” he asked, seemingly genuinely confused.
“I am saying that until Marjorie is no longer part of your life, until she no longer has the right to call herself ‘Mrs. Hanson,’ I am finished with you and I. Talk to me when you’re done with her and we’ll see where we can go from there.”
Adam’s face was a mixture of anger and disbelief. “You act like I want to live with this crazy woman. She is making my life a living hell. I’ve been in meetings with oil barons and politicians all day to boot. I’m being portrayed in the media as a pariah for taking on this case, and now the one good thing in my life is about to walk away. Nice.”
I had been holding my temper back all day, but I finally couldn’t take it any longer. “Me, me, me! That is all I ever hear from you, Adam! What about me? What about what I went through last night knowing you were spending the night with your ‘wife?’ What about what I went through just now enduring that woman’s nastiness? At least you bear some responsibility for what is happening in your life. Mine is falling apart as collateral damage. You act like I just gave up on us. I have stuck this out for nearly a year, feeling like the other woman when in truth, I was doing nothing wrong. And now, nearly a year later, I am truly the other woman because here you are living with your wife all over again!”
Adam sighed and rubbed his temples. “I can’t just let her have it all. I can’t.”
“Then you keep fighting, Adam. You do what you have to do, and I’ll do what I have to. Right now, what I really need to do is get to work on my case at hand. There is a young man depending on me and I will not throw his life away because I am too wrapped up in my personal issues to do the best job possible for him.”
Adam nodded and left, just like that. I wasn’t sure what I expected. He was headstrong and arrogant. I had known that from the start. I didn’t really blame him for not wanting to give Marjorie what was rightfully his, what he had earned. I just honestly didn’t have the strength to be a part of it any longer. I had a horrible thought then, one that I pulled right back down into that dark, dusty box in the corner of my brain that I rarely allowed open.
“I wish the bitch would just disappear off the face of the earth.”