Chapter Fourteen
Lila (Wednesday)
Okay, it was something more than just waking up to no piano music. Today was totally different; it was warm, there was a beautiful new melody floating through our apartment, I’d had the time of my life last night, and I still woke up feeling like crap.
I didn’t want to admit it, especially as we were recording in the morning, but my throat was bad. This was the worst time for this to happen. I was sick. I was going to have to play it down so I didn’t put Kyle off doing anything. This was our one shot, and I didn’t want it to be my fault that it didn’t happen.
I coughed and sputtered into the living room, but luckily, Kyle was too lost in the music to notice the signs of my sickness. He’d been asleep by the time I got in last night, so I imagined that he had millions of questions for me, but the music was more important at that moment. He was in his happy place, and that was all that mattered. I watched him for a moment, a smile on my face, until finally my stare became too much for him. He must’ve been able to sense me, even though he was trying not to.
“How’s it going?” He glanced up at me happily, a light shining behind his eyes. “Do you like the new song?”
He was almost laughing he was so overjoyed. That was what I wanted, to see my brother loving life. That was what I was afraid of losing with this stupid viral infection.
“I do, I do.” I nodded slowly. “I think it’ll be great for us to record tomorrow.” I cringed while I waited for him to digest that statement. I wasn’t sure if he was going to be pissed off by me acting on behalf of both of us. I hadn’t wanted to turn Xander’s offer down, especially not when I was flying so high from such a wonderful evening, but now I was feeling the sting of that choice. It might not have been the wisest idea.
“I hope you don’t mind. I didn’t sign anything obviously. I just told Xander that we want to discuss each term of the contract, but he invited us in tomorrow.”
“So... it was just Xander?” I knew what he was implying – he’d suggested it the second that he saw me in that red designer dress that I’d been sent to wear. He felt like Xander had an interest in me other than the music.
And while I knew deep down that he was right, that was obvious from the looks we’d shared at dinner and from the moment we’d almost kissed, I didn’t feel like that should impact what was happening here. We’d resisted, we hadn’t overstepped that boundary, so I knew that we could do it. We could be just work together; there didn’t have to be anything more.
“Michael wasn’t there?”
“No.” I shifted my gaze toward the ground, feeling my face heat up brightly. I was embarrassed about the things he thought, never mind what had actually happened. “No, it was just Xander. But we talked about the contract, I said we had questions, and that our feelings were generally positive.”
“Okay.” He nodded slowly, furrowing his eyebrows at me. I wasn’t sure if that was distrust or just confusion in his eyes. “Okay, that’s fine. So tomorrow we’re going to record, and we can go through the finer points then.”
“Yep.” I needed to change the subject quickly. Any minute now, I was going to open up and spill my guts. I didn’t want to tell him that I’d laid awake for most of the night thinking about Xander. I wasn’t prepared to let him know that my interest in that man was highly inappropriate. That information was just for me, a secret that I wasn’t willing to share. “So, the new song… where did that come from?”
“I can’t take full credit for it. I got the inspiration from the music store.” He grinned happily, his mind right back where I needed it to be. “But I’m going to spend the rest of the day changing it and making it my own. I know we have a few songs now, enough to get us through tomorrow at any rate, but you could sit with me and get some lyrics written if you want?”
I couldn’t believe how far I’d come; it wasn’t long ago that I was too scared for anyone to hear me sing. Now, I’d sung at a benefit, I’d recorded in a proper studio, and I was writing music with my brother. It was a complete turnaround that I loved. It made my life that much more exciting.
“Sure,” I said, before bursting into another round of coughs. “Although maybe I’ll just have to write, not sing. My throat is scratchy, so it might be a good idea for me to rest it before tomorrow.”
“That cough is bad.” He eyed me nervously. “Are you sure you don’t want to sleep the day away? Maybe that’ll help you feel better tomorrow. We don’t want it to get worse before recording.”
“No way, I can’t waste this day!” I insisted sharply. I was pissed off enough that I didn’t feel well – I didn’t need to add guilt into the mix, too. “I’ll just go to sleep early tonight. There’s so much we need to do.”
“Well, before you get carried away, I’m going to take you out for some breakfast, nothing pricey, before you lose your mind. Just a little treat. I think you need a bit of pampering, so why don’t you go and have a shower, then we can go out?”
Half of me wanted to argue and say that we shouldn’t, but the bigger part of me needed a treat. Plus, I was touched by Kyle’s kindness. He was often sweet to me, considerate because he was the only one I had, but every so often the music would consume his mind completely and I’d be forgotten. That meant every time he did something nice, it made my heart melt.
“Okay,” I rasped happily, giving in without a fuss. “Sounds good. I’ll go and get ready now.”
As I raced into the bathroom and hopped into the shower, my mind wandered all over the place. After my dinner date with Xander, my head had been everywhere. I’d wanted to kiss Xander so badly, and he knew it. We both wanted to take things further, and it’d killed us not to.
It was the smart thing to do, but that didn’t stop my imagination from thinking about where things could’ve gone. I knew it wasn’t right, but the thought of having his hands all over my body drove me wild. His lips, those fingers, that body... It was all so wonderful, all things I hadn’t even realized I needed in my life.
It was wrong, it was so taboo, and I wasn’t sure how long I would be able to keep away. I’d never been so tempted by anyone before, and I was finding it difficult to control. I’d have to, it was the only way... But, God, it’d feel so good to give in to that.
“Lila, are you ready?” Oops, Kyle is starting to sound annoyed. I must have been in here for ages. “Come on, let’s go.”
I jumped out and threw on the first clothes I put my hands on, not even caring what I looked like. I was excited to get out, to have my second meal cooked by someone else in as many days. It wasn’t often that happened, so I had to take advantage of it when it came around.
Kyle took me to a nearby cafe, one that sold very cheap breakfast meals. It couldn’t have been further from the place that Xander had taken me to the previous night, but I liked it just as much. Maybe even more. I felt comfortable here, like I fit in. Xander had gone out of his way to help me relax at that super fancy Italian place, but I didn’t totally settle the entire time.
“Does this place remind you of Gretna’s cooking?” Kyle grinned brightly, referring to one of the foster homes we briefly lived in. “All greasy and burned.”
“Ah, the memories...” I pressed my hands to my heart in a mock loving gesture, before falling apart laughing. Life with Gretna hadn’t been great, but we’d made it work because we had each other. We survived everything together. “What good times, greasy eggs, burnt sausages, undercooked bacon... A real English breakfast, she called it.”
“Why do you think you’ve never been to England!” Kyle exclaimed, causing me to laugh even more. “If that’s what they eat, then they can keep it.”
“Yeah, and that’s not even considering the constant rain!”
We placed our orders quickly, our minds both still firmly fixed on the past. It was as if now that good things were happening, we could look back on it more easily.
“It’s good that we’ve come so far,” he mused. “There was a time when it honestly felt like we were never going to escape.”
I nodded, knowing exactly what he meant. I could recall the hopelessness of our youth well. If I’d known then how my life would end up, I wouldn’t have spent so much time worrying. “Yeah, I mean, it’s great. That’s why the fundraiser was such a good cause for us to support. If things do happen for us in the way we’re desperately trying not to hope that they will, then we can do more.”
I thought about Xander and all the money he gave the orphanage. That was what I wanted to do, if I ever could. I wanted to give something back. It might not have been the best life ever growing up, but in all honesty if I hadn’t had it, I wasn’t sure what direction our lives would’ve taken.
“Oh, God, don’t say that.” Kyle squeezed the hard, plastic table so hard his knuckles went white. “I’m trying so hard not to think about what our lives might end up like. It’s too exciting for words – I don’t know if I can cope!”
I laughed loudly, trying to disguise my own nerves. “Well, at least we have each other to keep us grounded when we start becoming famous.”
“You’ve got no chance at stopping me!” he exclaimed teasingly. “I’m going to become an unbearable diva, just you wait and see.”
“I can see it now, headlines about your crazy behavior. It’ll be amazing!” There was no chance my quiet brother would be anything other than the good man he was, life had affected him too deeply for that, but it was fun to imagine all the same. “We just have to make sure we do well tomorrow.” I meant me more than him, I was the only with the struggling voice.
“Well, once we’ve eaten, we’ll get to work; then you are going to sleep early. It’s the only way you stand a chance in hell of not coughing your way right through the recording.”
I would do what he asked. I was taking this seriously; I just hoped that it was enough. Too much of this was depending on me, and the last thing I wanted was to be a letdown. “I will,” I insisted. “I need to be in top form, and I’ll make sure it happens. Don’t you worry about that.”