Chapter Twenty
Alissa
December 23, Saturday Evening
“...all three hundred meters of the Eiffel Tower...”
As I watched Paris come to life on my television screen, I desperately wished that I could be there for real. I had pictures of myself in the City of Love from when I was a very young child, with my mom and dad, but it wasn’t a part of my life that I could remember. I was far too young. I wanted to go when I could remember it.
Of course, right now that wasn’t possible. I could barely afford to live and eat, so vacations were long away.
Maybe once I got an orchestra job, I could consider it again.
I wonder how many people have received marriage proposals at the top of that building, I thought to myself. So damn romantic.
I wasn’t one of those girls who planned their wedding from about the age of eight or anything, but every now and again, I did wonder what it’d be like to find such true love. Knowing that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with someone was huge, and I couldn’t wait to get that for myself. I didn’t think receiving an engagement ring at the top of the Eiffel Tower would be the worst thing in the world.
To be honest, I usually thought about weddings more when I had strong feelings for someone, which of course, sent my mind spiralling towards Cade. Not that he was ever far from my mind.
“...The Eiffel Tower was originally supposed to be a temporary installation, intended to stand for twenty years after being built for the World Fair in 1889...”
As I imagined us hanging out in Paris, a deep, exciting lust filled my chest. I felt a stirring in my underwear that thrilled me. I’d never thought about Luke in this way. It was never this addictive with him.
With Cade, I had a deep need to rip his clothes off and to explore every inch of him. Even though our last experience together was incredible, I felt like it only scraped the surface. I wanted more. I wanted to taste him all over, to feel him even deeper inside of me, from different angles. I even wanted to see what it felt like to have him in my mouth...
“...Visitors to the Eiffel Tower have to climb one thousand six hundred and sixty-five steps to reach the top...”
God, Cade had me sex crazy! What in the hell was wrong with me?
After our date on Wednesday night, I half expected him to come into the apartment with me. I wanted him to, I was ready for him, but in a way, it was a little bit relieving when he didn’t. Sure, I was left incredibly sexually frustrated, but it meant he would expect something from me every time we were together. If that were the case, the pressure might crush me.
Still, it was nice to think about.
As a key slid into the lock, I pushed myself into a sitting position, and I waited for Elle to enter the apartment. I hadn’t seen her for a couple of days, so I was looking forward to seeing her again...if she was alone. I hoped that she was in a much better mood, or at least at a place where she would be more willing to let me help her. Talking about it would be a big part of the battle, so it’d be great if we could at least do that.
“Brad, can you dump my bag in room?”
Urgh, Brad was here. I slumped my shoulders forward as disappointment crushed me. I wasn’t in the mood to face him right now, especially if they were going to go into her bedroom and have noisy sex. I would be very jealous today!
“Oh hey, Alissa!” Elle sounded much happier today. “I’m so glad you’re here.” She practically fell in the chair next to me. “How’s it going?”
“Good.” I gave her a cautious look. “How are you? Any better?”
“Oh, the other day.” She waved her hand dismissively as if it didn’t mean anything. “Yeah, just ignore that. The constant rejection got to me, and I had a down day. You know how it is.” I nodded, even though it still didn’t make sense when it came to Elle. “Anyway, I’m all good now.”
I felt like our girly catch up had come to, and end as Brad left Elle’s bedroom, but instead, he seemed to read something in her look. “I guess I’ll go?” he almost asked her. As Elle nodded, I felt relieved. “I guess, I’ll see you later then.”
“Yes, I’ll call you.” As soon as the door clicked behind him, Elle turned back to face me looking much happier than before. I couldn’t help but wonder if any of her misery linked to Brad. “Anyway, how are things with Cade? I haven’t seen you for ages! How was your date the other night?”
There was no point in denying we were dating anymore; it was far too obvious! “Good,” I smirked to myself. “We’re having a really good time.”
“You are? Great! Tell me more about him.” She snuggled into the couch and gave me a bright grin. It was nice to see her looking more like herself. “Have things progressed yet?”
My first instinct was to lie. I didn’t want to get into the gory details of mine and Cade’s sex life, but my face was flaming far too brightly for me to deny anything. I couldn’t lie, especially not to someone who knew me so well. My face just gave me away. “Erm, I... I’m...”
“Oh my God, you have!” She bounced up and down on her butt as she squealed with glee. “Thank God. You feel better, right? I was right, wasn’t I? I thought you looked a little more...shiny today!”
“Shiny?” Was that a compliment or an insult?
“Yeah, like happy. You look brighter as if you haven’t got the weight of the world on your shoulders.”
Did I look like that normally? I certainly felt that way, but I thought I hid it well. Clearly, I wasn’t good at disguising anything at all. Maybe it was time to give up any pretense since it was such a damn effort that obviously got me nowhere. “Oh, right...” I didn’t know what else to say to that; it left me a bit speechless.
“Well, come on then, let’s get down to it. Was he incredible in bed? Tell me all about it? Did he make the apartment rock?” Of course, Elle would get down to the nitty gritty of things. I still didn’t want to reveal too much, though; it felt precious to me.
“Something like that,” I replied evasively.
As she squealed happily, I couldn’t help but join in. It was a good thing that I’d moved on and finally gotten under someone else. I did feel good about it.
“Oh my God, I can’t believe it. That’s so awesome. He seems like such a nice guy. Good for you.”
“He is,” I replied dreamily. “He really is.”
“Uh oh... Is that a look of love?” She sounded concerned now, which snapped me out of my blissful state. I stared at her with wide eyes waiting for her to explain. “You aren’t falling head over heels, are you? This is only supposed to be fun.”
Damn it. Now I hated my face for giving me away. “Oh no, I know. It can only be fun just because of who he is. What am I going to do, marry my stepbrother?” As I did my best to make a joke of it, all I ended up doing was killing myself inside. I was falling too fast too soon, and I couldn’t stop myself. It was almost as if I’d lost all control. “No, it’s all just fun.”
“So, what are your plans for the future? Are you gonna hang out again?”
Uh oh. She was starting to sound like my mother...if I had a mom that gave a shit about me of course.
“Erm, well...” I decided to dive right in and tell her. “He actually suggested that instead of giving one another gifts for Christmas, he wants to do some kind of experience day instead.”
“Did he?” Her eyebrows rose with shock. “That’s interesting. Did he say what he had in mind?”
“No, he just said he had some Bitcoin money, and he wanted to use it before it expired.” I didn’t have a freaking clue what any of that meant, but it sounded business-like enough to be real. “And, that he wants to use it to take me away somewhere.”
“Wow, that’s kind of romantic.”
“Do you think I should get him a gift anyway?” That was the part that worried me. I couldn’t afford it, but I didn’t like getting him nothing. “I know he said not to...”
“Then don’t,” Elle reassured me. “Just let him spoil you. Lord knows you deserve it. After everything you’ve been through, you need to have fun more than anyone in the world. Do you think that means he’s going to take you away from Christmas day, or will you be here?”
“I don’t know yet. Why? What do you have planned?” Elle hadn’t discussed the holidays with me, but she was usually away. Luckily, I preferred to spend the time alone than with family...although that wasn’t going to be the case this year.
“And, what about New Year's Eve?” she ignored my question and delved right into another one of her own. “Will you be here then?”
“I don’t know.” For some reason, this line of questioning left me nervous. “Is this about Brad? Because it honestly doesn’t matter if you bring him here.” Why she’d care now after all this time was very strange, but she wasn’t herself at the moment.
“No, no, I didn’t mean it like that.” Her eyes darted everywhere. I wondered what the hell was going on inside her head. “I’m just trying to figure out your plans, that’s all.”
“I’ll let you know when I find out more. I might be around for Christmas, but I’m sure I’ll be out on New Year's Eve.”
“Brad and I will probably have plans, too, so if you need the apartment, you can have it.”
Huh? My head was spinning. That was too much back and forth for my liking; I could barely work out what the hell Elle meant by any of it. Still, she’d been very patient with me while I was down and acting out of character, so it was time for me to do the same for her.
“Yeah, okay, we’ll see what happens.” I smiled thinly. “I’m sure one way or another, it’ll be awesome.”
Was this new distance between us because of Cade? I didn’t like to think so, but the only thing to have changed was me spending more time with him. I wasn’t trying to push Elle out, and she was always so busy herself, but it seemed that something had shifted anyway.
I vowed to myself that I would fix it somehow, that I’d find a way to ensure that I didn’t lose my best friend. She had been through far too much with me. I couldn’t live my life without her now. I wasn’t sure how, but I’d get us back to where we once were. Maybe once Brad was gone, and she felt much happier, things would be better, but that would take time. Their relationship wasn’t something I could control.
Still, until then I would be a better friend. Elle deserved that much from me.