Chapter Thirty-Five
Terrance
Friday
“I, erm... I think we need to talk about our situation.”
Urgh, it still made me cringe to recall the way I discussed my unborn baby with Morgan yesterday. I could see how much it hurt her, just from the way her eyes wetted by my words, but it was too late. I’d already said it. I just hadn’t wanted to be too open about our baby in case her work colleagues didn’t know.
Hopefully, I would be pave over the cracks of the pain I’d inadvertently caused.
I tied my tie up tighter around my neck, wondering why there was such a pool of dissatisfaction sitting in my stomach. I looked okay. I had my nicest outfit on...although maybe that was it. Maybe I looked a bit too formal. I quickly tugged the tie off and removed my shirt, before grabbing an old faded tee shirt from my drawer and threw it on myself. That felt a little bit better.
I made my way into the kitchen to stir the boiling pot on the stove. I had really put a lot of effort into this meal. I’d followed the recipe exactly and I picked an easy one so I couldn’t mess it up...hopefully. I hoped all of that was noticed and Morgan would understand how truly sorry I was.
The fear was still there in the pit of my stomach, I was still incredibly unsure about the whole parenting thing, but I was prepared to try. I didn’t want to turn my back on Morgan and our child just because I was scared – that wasn’t the right thing to do at all.
Knock, knock.
I glanced at the clock, noticing that Morgan was almost fifteen minutes early. She was probably keen because she wanted to get this over and done with, I had no doubt she thought I wanted out because of the crappy way I handled things yesterday. At least she was still here, there was a much too large chance that she wouldn’t show at all!
I tugged the door open and tried to give her a reassuring smile, but it was obvious from Morgan’s body language that she was closed off. Her hands were wrapped tightly around her chest and her eyes could barely stand to meet mine. I hated that I’d caused that, it made me feel terrible. I couldn’t help but imagine her lying awake all night long, stressing about how I was going to tell her to leave me alone forever.
“Hey, Morgan, thank you for coming.” I took her coat from her and indicated for her to go inside. “I’m sorry I was so weird yesterday. I just think that this is a conversation needed to be had in private, you know?”
She was barely paying any attention to me, flickering her eyes over the apartment. I wondered if she was remembering the last time she was here, when she told me the news and I said absolutely nothing of any use. I simply lay there until she left.
Urgh, what an idiot.
“Do you remember the night we first met?” Oh... maybe not, maybe her mind was somewhere else entirely. “When I nursed you back to health?”
“I do.” I couldn’t prevent the secret smile from spreading across my mouth at the memory. “I thought you were an angel.” The way her sweet face shone through the pain would stick with me forever. That night Morgan made me feel safe when I’d been through one of the most dangerous experiences of my life. If she hadn’t been around to stop those men, maybe I would’ve been the one who wasn’t around to tell the tale...
“What are you cooking?” Her voice burst through my nostalgia, bringing me right back in to the present moment. “It looks like it might be burning.”
“Oh fuck, it was all going so well!” I darted into the kitchen and fiddled with the pans. “Well, it might be a bit black, but it’s done.” I tried to keep my tone calm, but I was freaking out inside. This was my one chance to make things right and I was making an utter mess of it.
Thankfully, and actually rather unexpectedly, Morgan burst into laughter with that statement. “That’s absolutely fine,” she chuckled. “I don’t mind at all.”
Relief flooded through me as I realized that all hope wasn’t lost after all. She was here, she was laughing...that had to mean something, right? I seriously hoped so. As I glanced at her, I noticed her clutching onto her stomach lovingly, almost automatically as if she didn’t quite realize what she was doing, and that small action made my heart go out to her more than anything else ever could.
I’d had my head up in the clouds, and all the while Morgan was looking after my baby, loving him or her with everything she had. Even if she was scared, she was doing the right thing.
“Here we are, it’s done.” We both sat at the table and started to chew. Despite the slightly blackened taste to the food, it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. I was actually a little proud of myself. “Is it okay?”
“It’s not as bad as it looks.” Morgan laughed, and again I found myself hit with a wave of how lucky I was. Not only was this woman beautiful, she had a wonderful personality, as well. If this situation was going to happen with anyone, I just felt glad that it was her. “Thank you for making it.”
My heart hurt as it pounded hard against my rib cage, threatening to escape if I didn’t start this conversation soon. I wasn’t sure why my spine felt cold, this was good news I’d be sharing – it was just scary to fully acknowledge that my life would never be the same again. As soon as I said the next sentence, I was diving headfirst into the sort of responsibility I never thought my life would have.
Still, it needed to happen sooner or later, so what was the point in holding back anymore?
“I’m sorry I’ve been such a douche bag,” I stared slowly and carefully. “I know I’ve acted far less than gentlemanly, and I want to apologize for that. It wasn’t right.”
“Well, it must have been a shock...” Morgan started, but I wasn’t about to let her make excuses for me, even if they were the truth.
“No, I never should have freaked out. I should’ve been a man about it. It just... It felt like a lot, you know what with my own family situation being messy, to put it politely. I got all up in my head about it, and I started to panic. Plus, I had all the garbage with the loan shark in the back of my mind. I know it’s over now, and I don’t have anything to worry about, but it rattled me.”
“I understand.” Morgan touched my hand across the table and gave me a caring look. “You haven’t had it easy, especially not recently. I should have told you at a better time. I piled it on when you already had a lot going on in your life.”
God, I was lucky! What sort of woman did it make Morgan that she was actually being kind to me right now? The best kind, that was for sure.
“Well, all of that is behind me now. I’m ready to move on. And what I really want is to be a good dad to my child.”
“You do?” she gasped, sliding back in her chair in shock. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to, that’s not why I told you. I just thought that you deserved to know.”
“This is what I want.”
I stood up and moved around the table, before holding my hand out to her. Morgan looked a little bewildered as I held my hand out to her, but she took it and stood with me all the same.
I stared at her deep, ocean like blue eyes, falling for every single one of her features all over again. I should’ve known the first night I met her that she was the one for me. Maybe I did, it just took me a while to realize it.
I pulled Morgan in close to me and relished the sensation of her gorgeous body pressed up against mine. Her curves moulded into me as she slotted against me perfectly, making her even more mine than ever before.
“I don’t just want our baby,” I whispered softly into her ears. “I want to be with you, as well. You’ve changed me, Morgan, in ways that you’ll never be able to understand. You’ve made me come out of my shell. I feel more able to confront my past, you give me strength, you make me feel like it’s okay to be me around you.” I pulled back to look at her seriously. “I want you to be mine. I want you to be my girlfriend. I... I’m falling for you.”
Before she could answer me I held her close once more and we danced to silent music that only we could hear. I wanted to give her a moment to decide how she wanted to respond to my statement. I didn’t want her to feel compelled one way or the other. She came here expecting me to turn her away, I just knew it, so she needed time.
“Are you sure?” she eventually muffled into my chest. “This isn’t all because of the baby? Because I would never stop you from having access.”
“I want you. I’m falling for you, and that has nothing to do with our baby. My feelings for you and how I feel about our child are separate, but I want you both equally. I know that it took me a while to get my head around it all, but I’ve never been surer of anything in my life.”
“If that’s the case, then that’s what I want, too. In fact, I couldn’t think of anything better. Actually, I have a doctor’s appointment book soon, for an ultrasound, you should come along if you want?” There was no pressure to her tone, but it didn’t matter, it was all that I wanted.
“Yes, I would love that. I can’t wait to see that grainy picture up on the screen. The image of our baby, coming to life, growing inside of you.” The more I spoke, the more excited I became. How could there be a better feeling than this? “Oh my goodness, I’m nervous and excited all at once.”
Morgan pulled back to stare at me, and as she did, I couldn’t keep my lips away from hers for even a second longer. I hadn’t realized how much I missed the feel of her mouth against mine until now – it was like an addiction that I just couldn’t feed enough. As her kiss met mine, I felt like I was finally home, that this was exactly where I needed to be. How could I ever have doubted that this was what I needed?
“Is this really happening?” Morgan giggled. “It’s the opposite of what I was expecting. It’s like all my dreams are coming true all at once.”
“They sure are,” I rasped happily while running my fingers through her hair, my heart pumping blood around my body just for Morgan. In that moment, she was absolutely everything to me. “Now come with me, let’s get to bed.” I didn’t want her to go anywhere. I needed her here with me forever more if possible. She was mine now, and that made me the happiest man alive.
“Now that’s an offer I cannot refuse,” she agreed gleefully. “I thought you’d never ask.”