Chapter Twenty
Morgan
Friday
“Nrgh,” I woke up irritated that my phone was making an odd noise, one that didn’t much sound like my alarm. That meant someone had deemed it necessary to raise me from my slumber before I felt ready for it. “What?”
I blinked a few times, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the glare of the screen which was far too bright for this early in the morning, but as I finally came to, my mood switched right back around again. I didn’t mind being woken up by Terrance; he was just about the only person in the world that I didn’t mind texting me because it meant we were still on track.
‘Hey, Morgan, hope your week is going well. Would you mind if I cooked you dinner tomorrow night? Terrance’
I smiled brightly to myself, imagining him crafting out this message, thinking of us having another date. I never thought it’d come to this when I picked him up off the streets, or when we hooked up in the club, but in a way it was nice.
Okay, so there were other things going on with it all, but on the surface it just felt good.
I just hoped he didn’t dash all my expectations and run for the hills the moment I finally plucked up the courage to tell him the truth...hopefully tomorrow night if I was clever and brave enough about it. I wasn’t sure what my opinion would be of him if he did shoot me down to the ground, but I had to somehow work up the courage to at the very least give him a chance.
‘Sounds great, what time?’
I forced myself up off the bed, knowing that I wouldn’t get any more sleep now, and padded into the bathroom with my cell phone still clutched tightly between my fingers. Despite the fact that I had this deep, dark secret lurking under the surface, I couldn’t stop enjoying the flushed feeling that came with any potential new romance. It felt exciting; it made me feel younger and fresher. I could almost forget that there was a baby growing in my stomach just for a second.
I flicked the shower on and watched the wall of water tumble to the bottom of the bath tub, slowly heating up. I couldn’t stop myself from daydreaming about what it’d be like if he was here with me now, running those hands over me, touching me everywhere, kissing me in the way that I liked so much. I buzzed at the mere thought of the way that he made me feel, which suggested I was in danger of potentially falling in to deep, but I couldn’t stop. There was no way that I could pull back with all this going on.
I almost forgot that I was supposed to be getting into that water, until my phone bleeping shook me from my thoughts.
‘Does seven p.m. sound okay to you?’
It sounded perfect. In fact, I wanted to be with him right now. I wanted to blow off work and to sneak over to his house, to have him do all those wonderful intoxicating things to my body once more. The idea of doing that was utterly tantalizing...not that I’d go through with it, of course. I hadn’t changed that much.
Still, it was fun to imagine.
‘I will be there. Can’t wait!’
With that, Friday didn’t feel like such a chore after all. Well, until the nausea overcame me and I had to rush to the toilet to throw up. But still, it wasn’t so bad...
***
“Hey, you okay?” Ever since Nickie discovered the truth about me, she’d been so concerned. Helpful, too, when it came to hiding my sickness. I knew that I’d have to tell the human resources department what was going on with me eventually, but not until I was good and ready. Not until the father knew.
It was okay my best friend knowing first, but it didn’t feel fair for everyone I worked with to know that his spawn would eventually be born into the world. I wouldn’t like it if it were the other way around.
“Yeah, I’m good, actually.” And, I really did feel it. My shoulders were held higher, my smile was more honest, and I could almost feel a sparkle in my eyes. “I feel a lot better today. I was a bit ill this morning, but aside from that, I’m all good. Hey, maybe this is the time that so called ‘glow’ starts happening.”
“Yeah, you look it. You’re peppy and really happy, like a different person.” She ran her eyes all over me as if she was trying to figure out exactly what was different. “Oh my God, have you told him yet? How did he take it? Is it all good news?”
She spoke so loudly that I felt compelled to look around and check that no one was in the vicinity. “Shh,” I warned. “No, I haven’t said anything, not yet.”
“How have you not managed to tell Terrance? Haven’t you been spending lots of time with him? What are you waiting for?” She shook her head slightly at me as if she was disappointed.
To be perfectly honest, I couldn’t really blame her. I should’ve found a way to bring it up by now. I knew I was putting it off because I was so desperate to spend more time with him, but that wasn’t truly an excuse.
“I’m going to dinner at his place tomorrow. I’ll tell him then when the moment is right, you know?” Why couldn’t she just allow me to keep burying my head in the sand?
“Well you better do it soon,” she warned. “Or he might get bored of you and move onto the next one. I’m not staying this to be mean.” She held her hands in front of her in a gesture to stop me from getting mad. It did prevent me from yelling, but I still felt a deep and painful cut inside.
“I’m just saying that men like him can have anyone they want. Women throw themselves at the constantly, and it turns them into playboys. It’s almost like they can’t help it.” She shrugged as if it didn’t mean anything. Then again, she wasn’t to know that actually I really liked him – she probably thought that she was helping me. “You know what I mean.”
I kinda did. If I was in my right frame of mind, I’d be saying exactly the same thing as her, but I wasn’t. My feelings were all mixed in. The last thing I needed to be doing was getting emotionally invested.
“Yeah, I’ll tell him tonight.” It felt obvious from my tone that this was the end of the conversation...at least, I thought it was.
“Good.” She stood up and grabbed her cup of coffee, before giving me a slightly off smile. “Because you won’t be able to hide it forever.” She mimicked a big bump on her stomach. “And, I don’t think there’s much point in waiting for him to fall in love with you. Just...see if he’ll pay up, that’s it. That’s all you really need from him – financial support.”
An inexplicable rage built within me at her words, which forced me from my seat. “This isn’t all about money, you know? There’s a life at stake here. My child’s life.” I held my stomach, really wanting to protect the little growth that was in there. “I don’t want Terrance to know so he’ll pay me. This is... It’s...” I couldn’t finish my sentence because I was getting unexpectedly upset.
“Alright, you don’t have to be so over sensitive.” She chuckled mirthlessly. “I’m just having a joke with you. You know I’m not being a bitch, I just... I want you to think practically.”
I collapsed back into my seat gasping loudly. Her explanation was fair. After all, one of us needed to be thinking straight. I was just annoyed that it wasn’t me. It had to be the pregnancy hormones tearing through my body.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap.” I shook my head a little too hard. “I guess I’m just worried that’s what he’s going to think. That’s part of why I keep putting this off. For the moment, it’s my little secret, but when I tell Terrance, it becomes real. And, so does his reaction, you know?”
Nickie wrapped her arms tightly around my shoulders and held me close. “Don’t you worry about what he says. As long as you tell him, that’s your duty done, okay?”
“Yeah, you’re right.” I nodded into her warm and comforting chest. “Thank you.”
“You know that you didn’t go after him for this to happen, this is the last way you wanted this to happen, so it doesn’t really matter what Terrance thinks.” She pulled back to look at me, gripping tightly onto my shoulders as she spoke. “If he’s as nice a guy as you currently assume he is, then everything will be fine.”
“But, I don’t know how much I really know him,” I moaned, popping out my bottom lip. “That’s probably why I’m so freaked and putting it off.”
“Yeah, but he doesn’t know you either, not fully, so I wouldn’t worry too much about that aspect of things. Just remember that he has a right to know, that’s all.”
“It’s all I’ve been thinking about,” I replied with a wryness to my voice. “I just don’t know how to start that conversation.”
“Okay, then let’s do some role playing.”
Much as I hated that idea, I had to admit that it might just work...
***
Nickie’s words stuck with me all day long, right into the evening as I climbed into bed. She was right. I needed to take emotion out of the equation and just tell him. I’d do my best to ignore the sizzling chemistry I felt flowing between us while I said it. It was fairly easy working out the words with my best friend because I didn’t like the pants off of her, but at least now I had some guidelines to work from.
“Terrance, there’s something I need to talk to you about,” I practiced in a whisper, all while staring at the ceiling above me. “That night we had in the club led to some unexpected consequences. I’m having your baby.”
Wait, was that right? It didn’t sound quite the same as it did in the work break room. It felt a little harsh.
“Terrance, the crazy moment we had in the cupboard at Lights Out has left me pregnant.”
Urgh, no that was even worse!
“Terrance, I’m sorry that I haven’t told you sooner, but I’ve been trying to adjust myself. I’m having your baby.”
I rubbed my hands over my belly, wondering what the life was like growing inside of there, and as I did a rush of warm love washed over me. Would it be a girl, or a boy? Which one of us would he or she look like? Who would he or she act more like? I guess I wouldn’t know too much of that unless I got the chance to know Terrance better, but still...
I was actually kind of excited.
I smiled as I turned onto my side and glanced at my reflection in the full-length mirror I had sitting at the end of my bed. You couldn’t really tell yet, there was no obvious bump, but I could see a difference. I could tell that there was a roundness there that I didn’t have before. And without all the rest of the world putting pressure on me, with just me and my little bump, I felt truly happy.
I already fiercely loved my unborn child.