Chapter Thirty-One
Xander (Tuesday)
Ring, ring... Ring, ring... Ring, ring...
“Why the hell is she still not answering?” I muttered to myself as anxiety coursed through me. I couldn’t understand why things had gone from incredible with Lila to her ignoring me.
Had I done something wrong? I tried my best to think over our last time together, but nothing came to mind. Lila didn’t seem to me to be the sort of person to vanish without a trace, but maybe I was wrong.
“What did you say?” Michael patted me on the back and smiled. “Everything all right?”
I cocked my head to one side, eyeing him curiously before deciding that it was safe to confide in him now. We were in a much better place, so he’d hopefully understand.
“I’m a little concerned about Lila. I haven’t heard from her in a while, which is out of character for her. Plus, she and Kyle are supposed to be here for a meeting this afternoon, to discuss where things are going next, but I haven’t heard anything from either of them.”
“Have you tried calling him?” Luckily, Michael didn’t look angry at me. It seemed that he was over his anger from earlier about all of this. “Surely, Kyle will have some kind of explanation for you?”
“His phone’s switched off.” My chest was swirling with a hopelessness that threatened to encase my heart completely. “I don’t know what to do. Does this sound like a brush off to you?” I didn’t want to consider the fact that Lila might not want to be with me anymore, but what else could it be?
Michael paused and furrowed his brows, clearly thinking intently, before his expression softened once more. “Look, I don’t think Lila or Kyle would be so disrespectful. I highly doubt she doesn’t want to be with you. The two of you seem to have something great together. But more than that, they wouldn’t screw the studio over. They’ve never acted unprofessional before.”
I slumped back in my chair and rubbed my forehead hard. “So, what should I do? What would you do in my position?” The stress was etched into my features, showing in the dark shadows under my eyes, and it seemed that Michael could see that as he answered.
“I’d go over to her house and check up on her. You don’t know what’s going on in her life. She might not be ignoring you. There might be some reason. Sitting around here isn’t going to get you any answers.”
“Okay.” I nodded firmly. He was probably right. I was being silly keeping away from her and getting my brain all tied up in knots. I just needed to take the bull by the horns. Lila was worth it. “Okay, yeah, as soon as we’re done, I’ll go over there.”
“Don’t worry about it.” He grinned. “Go now, I can cover here. It isn’t like we have a lot on today, anyway.”
“Are you sure?” He was being too kind now. It made me feel bad for all the days I’d spent not fixing our friendship.
“Will you just go already? I have a feeling that this woman could be the one, and I don’t want you screwing up just because you’re acting like a pussy. Man the fuck up and get out there, all right?”
I laughed loudly, glad to hear that at least he was treating me the same way as he always did. “Okay, I’ll see you later. Thank you.”
As I walked outside, I had a big smile on my face, which only faltered as I stepped into the car to go to Lila’s home. Michael was right. There had to be some reason that she was ignoring me, and it was freaking me out. This had to be something more than just her growing bored of me.
***
I slammed my foot onto the brakes and jumped out of the car, my heart hammering in my chest. The whole way over, I’d gotten increasingly freaked out, my brain concocting worse and worse images with each passing second. On the one hand, I just wanted to know, but on the other, maybe ignorance was bliss.
“Oh, hey.” Kyle’s voice broke through my shock barrier, making me realize that I was standing still, staring up at the apartment like a crazed lunatic. “You okay, Xander?”
“Yeah.” My voice was shaking as I spoke. I clamped my sweaty palms together as I sucked in what I hoped would be a calming breath. “I just wanted to know where Lila is. I haven’t heard from you in a while, and we were supposed to have that meeting today.”
Kyle’s whole face dropped as he laid the bags in his hand on the ground beneath his feet. “Oh, my God, I’m so sorry. I totally forgot, what with everything going on at the hospital. I don’t think I’ve changed my cell phone in ages, either. I’ll make it up to you.”
“Wait.” I held my hands up to stop him talking, my mind only zoning in on the one word. Hospital. That had to be bad news. What the hell was going on here? “Wait, what do you mean, hospital? What’s going on?”
“Oh, my God.” A pale, green color overtook his whole face. “Did Lila not tell you? I thought she called you. Oh, my God...”
“What is it?” My tone was demanding now. I needed to know, and the sooner the better.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t want you to find out this way. This is bad.” He stepped closer to me and reached out to hold my arm. “It turns out the cough Lila’s been suffering from is throat cancer.”
Cancer?
I could barely feel the ground beneath my feet anymore. My brain was spinning, a dizziness filling my stomach. “H... how?”
“Well, I don’t know. Luckily, she’s caught it pretty quickly, so it seems like it’s going to be treatable.”
“Oh, my God, why didn’t she tell me? How long has she been in there? How is she even paying for all of it? I have to go. I need to get there now.” I was babbling now, probably looking like a total idiot in front of Kyle, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t even think straight.
“I think you need to speak to Lila about all of this,” he agreed slowly. “I mean, she’s gonna kill me for telling you if she didn’t want you to know, but it’s only fair. I can’t answer any of those questions as well as she can.”
“Are you headed there now? Let me take you. There’s no point in us going separately.”
“Oh, right, thanks.”
He seemed unsure, so I grabbed the bags from the sidewalk and threw them into the car. He was probably just nervous because he was scared of how Lila would react, but none of us had any time for that. Lila was sick, and I needed to be by her side, no matter what. This was no time for pride.
As Kyle slid quietly into the passenger’s seat, I dove in, too, and started driving toward the hospital. This was awful. The one awful scenario so bad I hadn’t even allowed myself to think it. I couldn’t believe that all this time the woman I was falling for, the woman I was pretty sure I loved fiercely, was lying in the hospital.
I wanted to ask Kyle how bad she looked, how sick she felt, what the doctors had said to her... But I was too scared of what his answer would be. He’d already said that they’d caught it pretty early, making it treatable, and I didn’t want that image taken away from me.
If I lost Lila now, if something bad happened to her, I wasn’t sure I could cope. I feared that might just kill me, too.
***
“Okay, so this is her room,” Kyle whispered, gesturing toward the nearest door. “I’m going to pop into the café to grab a coffee, give you two some time to talk.”
“Thanks.”
I watched him quickly stalking off, probably trying to escape the aftermath of telling me the information that for some reason Lila wanted to keep secret. Then I stared at the door for a while, gasping a little to myself with terror racing through my veins. I wanted to get in there – I needed to get inside – but at the same time, I was utterly petrified.
Just do this. Just get inside, Lila needs you.
I was terrified, no matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise, but I worked up the strength to push open the door separating us. My heart hammered loudly, there was a loud buzzing in my ears, and I had a thick lump in my throat.
“Oh, my God, Xander. What are you doing here?”
As Lila turned to stare at me and she seemed to go into shock, a warm sense of relief flooded me. At least she wasn’t pinned to the bed with tubes sticking out of every orifice. She had one IV drip, but she could still move around. Maybe her face was pale and a little sickly, but she didn’t look anywhere near as ill as I’d been expecting.
She didn’t look like she was at death’s door, at any rate.
“What’s going on?” Tears welled up in my eyes, and I moved closer to her while reaching out for a hug. “I bumped into Kyle; he didn’t mean to tell me. I forced him to.”
Lila held out her palms in front of her, stopping me in my tracks. “He never should’ve done that; I didn’t want you to find out.”
“Why not? You know I would’ve been there for you! I want to help you in any way I can.”
“And that’s why I didn’t tell you.” She fell onto the bed behind her, her expression filled with utter sadness. “I knew you’d want to be there for me, but that isn’t what I want. I know what I’m about to go through here, and I don’t want you to have to suffer through it, too.”
“I wouldn’t be suffering. I want to be here,” I insisted, sliding closer to her. I was pleading through my eyes, trying desperately to make her see how much I meant it. Now that I knew what was going on with Lila, all I wanted to do was take action.
“But I don’t want you here.” She turned her face away from mine, refusing to see me anymore. She was blocking me out for a reason, and I had the horrible feeling that she was going to make me respect that.
“I want to just deal with this by myself. I need to focus on me right now. I don’t want to be worrying about how you’re feeling, what you’re doing, if you’re getting bored...”
“But it wouldn’t be like that.”
“Yes, yes, it would. Maybe not at first, but it would get to that point.” I could see her eyes welling up. This was getting to her, but she wasn’t going to meet my gaze. “I don’t want you here. I think it’s best that you just go.”
I didn’t want to go, but I didn’t want a fight, either. I stood up slowly and moved toward the door, waiting for her to beg me to stay... but she didn’t. She remained firm, standing by her words. As I moved out into the hallway, Kyle was standing there waiting. I gave him one quick shake of the head so he’d know how badly it went.