Chapter Twenty-Five
Cade
December 25, Monday Evening
I flickered my eyes open as darkness shrouded the room, trying to work out where I was... It didn’t feel like my apartment. Then the beautiful girl who had her legs draped over me like a blanket stirred and everything came screaming back.
As I glanced down at Alissa, I couldn’t help but smile to myself. Her angelic sleeping face was just one side of her now. I’d also seen the dirtier side of her, and I loved it, especially because I knew that I’d unleashed it.
We’d been having sex on and off all day, and it had been so good that I almost forgot my plans. She was becoming more of herself, and I loved that about her. The more of the real Alissa that I got to see, the deeper I fell for her.
“Urgh, are you waking up now?” Alissa murmured as my movement disturbed her. “It feels like it’s the middle of the night or something.”
“I think it is,” I quietly chuckled. “Although, I can’t be certain.”
She sat up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes; then she gave me a big bright smile. When I first started spending time with this sweet girl, she had to hold her arms around herself to stop herself from falling apart. Now she looked at me like the sun was shining upon her and was the happiest that she’d ever been. I didn’t want to take full credit for that, but it did feel like my doing. At least, I hope so.
“Well, I guess my plans are well and truly out the window now that night has fallen,” I sighed deeply. “And it was awesome, too.”
“What was it?” she asked curiously. “I mean, you might as well tell me now if it isn’t going to happen, right?”
I pondered on this for a moment before I realized she was right. “I was going to entertain you with rooftop dining and a string quartet to play for you.”
She clapped her hand across her chest as if she was in shock and gasped gleefully. “Oh wow, that sounds lovely. I truly would have loved that.” As she saw my face fell, she wrapped her hands around my cheeks. “I had a great day though. It was probably better, I mean how often do you get a truly white Christmas?”
“In New York? Every year,” I teased. “But I’ve never spent one wrapped in the arms of a beautiful woman before.”
“You haven’t?” she asked me seriously. “I would’ve thought that you’d be with one every year.”
“I don’t know what impression you have of me,” I exclaim in a fake pissed off manner. “But I am not that way at all. At least, I’m not anymore...” Once Alissa stopped laughing, I continued. “No, I’ve usually spent Christmas alone or at some party. I haven’t ever really cared about celebrating it before.”
“Yeah, me neither.”
Her face fell, and I could tell that there was something deep going on behind her eyes. I didn’t feel like I had to hold back anymore, we were growing closer, I knew so much more of her.
“Are you alright? You look a little sad?”
“Yeah, actually I’m just thinking about how happy I am with you.” She stared up into her eyes and my heart melted like crazy. “I haven’t felt this way in a very long time. I don’t... well, I don’t trust easily. Especially not men, so this is really nice.”
I knew that there was a story here – it was obvious that Alissa was enjoying many new experiences with me, which left me curious as to what had come before. “Have you been mistreated? By a guy, I mean?” I already knew about her mother, and I was pretty sure that she didn’t want to talk about it again.
“You could say that,” she sniffed loudly. “But we don’t have to talk about that now.”
I held her hand in mine. “No, I want to. Tell me about it.” I wanted to know everything.
“It involves my mother,” she warned.
“Of course, it does.” Why was I not surprised? That witch had her claws in everything. I opened my mouth to tell Alissa about the phone call I had with her, but I changed my mind at the very last moment.
“Well, earlier in the year, I met a guy. Luke. He was. He was awesome, absolutely perfect for me.” My stomach twisted up in knots as a knife of jealousy stabbed into me. I didn’t want to think about some other guy being perfect. “But as it turned out, he was perfectly orchestrated to be that way.”
My eyebrows knotted together. “What do you mean?”
“My mother created him; she hired him to be with me. Or... Well, I suppose your dad had a part of it, but maybe he didn’t quite understand what was going on. I think she probably told him it was to protect me from getting taken advantage of or something. She can be very manipulative.”
“Really?” My fists balled up next to me as rage consumed me once more. I thought my dad was a better person...maybe I was wrong unless Helen was the best person in the world at manipulation. Alissa seemed to think she was, but I hated to think of my father as being that damn stupid. I suppose he was that he did choose to marry that woman...
“Well, I don’t know the full details from their end.” Alissa gave me a sad look as if she hated to admit that part. “Anyway, that was during a time when Mom was utterly convinced I wanted to steal Jacob away from her. I don’t even know where that idea came from; she just became obsessed with it. I assume Luke was supposed to distract me from trying to steal her husband.”
“Woah.” I didn’t know what to say to that; it was like the plot of a bad movie. I wouldn’t believe it if I didn’t know just how nuts Helen was. It sounded like just the sort of bullshit she’d pull, which only made me mad as hell. “She thought you were after my father?”
“I know, it’s crazy.” She waved a dismissive hand. “She’s just so paranoid; it’s insane. Especially now, when you realize that she doesn’t even spend any time with him.”
“I cannot believe she hired someone to be with you.” I still hadn’t got my head around that part.
“Yeah, so I, erm... I fell for him; I lost my virginity to him, then he dumped me out of the blue.” Her face reddened as she spoke, but as far as I was concerned, it wasn’t her that needed to be embarrassed. It was this Luke asshole...if that even was his real name.
“Eventually, my mother couldn’t resist letting me know that it was all to do with her. She let me give everything to that man, just to strip him away from me. I thought it was love, on both sides, so to learn that I was used in such a cruel fashion crushed me.” She looked up at me, and she gave me a warm smile. “That’s why I’m so glad I have you now.”
What the hell was I supposed to say to that? The story was shocking, utterly horrifying, but there were elements of it that sounded oddly familiar. It wasn’t that way at all, but our friendship had started similarly. I was paid to hang out with her, just as it seemed Luke had been. I was another pawn in our parents’ game...if they were both in on it. The only difference was I was dumb enough not to be involved actively.
Of course, I wouldn’t turn my back on Alissa if anyone asked me to, but I felt certain that wouldn’t affect her opinion of me. There was no way in hell that I could tell her the truth about my inherited billion dollars...and I hoped that she didn’t find out some other way, either.
I wasn’t as bad as Luke, was I? I wondered. I wanted to think definitely not, but I couldn’t be certain. Maybe what I was doing was just as bad. I hadn’t taken her virginity, but I had done new things with her. I didn’t intend to manipulate her, but I also wasn’t being honest.
“That’s horrible,” I murmured distractedly. “I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that.”
“Well, I have you now.” She kissed me lightly. “You would never do anything like that.”
My heart curled up into a tight black ball. I couldn’t answer that; I couldn’t even acknowledge it. I needed to change the subject before I ended up blurting everything out and wrecking Alissa forever.
I wrapped my arms tightly around her and held her body against mine. I hoped she couldn’t hear my thumping heart because I was sure it spelled out just how terrified I was. I needed to talk, just to cover up the sound.
“I purchased season tickets for the New York Grand Orchestra, you know,” I said in a hollow voice. “I had such a good time the other night, which I thought you might like to go again.”
“You did?” she exclaimed joyfully. “And, you said you didn’t even get me a gift! How can that not be classed as a present? That’s amazing.”
“Well, I suppose it should be really...”
“So, we can just go whenever we want?”
“Every night, if you want to.”
She kissed my lips hard and ran her hands through my hair. “You truly do make me feel loved when you do special things like that.”
I didn’t say anything to that, even though I probably should have done. Alissa had teetered into using the L word, and I was just ignoring her, but what was I supposed to say? I couldn’t say anything that would give her hope when I was only about to let her down horribly.
“Are you hungry? I haven’t made us anything to eat yet; you must be starving.”
I leaped up from the seat and raced into Alissa’s kitchen. I needed a distraction from the horrible, ice cold guilt trickling through my veins. I couldn’t shake off the sensation I was the worst person around.
“Cade, I can make food if you like? You look a little pale; maybe it’s that cold weather you walked over here in...”
“Oh no, I’m not pale, I’m okay,” I insisted, maybe a little too harshly. “I just... Maybe I’m worn out; I don’t know. We have been doing a lot today.” I tried to play that comment off as a joke, but I wasn’t sure that it came off that way.
“Oh well, I guess I’ll give you a break then,” she replied innocently. “I didn’t realize you couldn’t hack it.”
She joined me in the kitchen and wrapped her arms around my waist. As she snuggled into my back, I felt an odd combination of cold and warmth. His touch felt wonderful, but it just reminded me that I was the bastard here and that sooner or later, I would be exposed. I wasn’t usually one for keeping secrets, but I felt like this one was too big to keep inside forever.
If only I could find the courage to tell her myself.
“Now, you go and sit down. I’ll sort us out something to eat.”
I wanted to argue, but I felt silenced, so I did exactly as Alissa asked. Luckily, she thought I was ill because there wasn’t much conversation coming from me. I just didn’t know what to say.