Chapter Eight
Alissa
Tuesday Night
Sitting by the soft orange glow of the lamp with my legs tucked under me on the couch as I lost myself in a book was the best way I could to spend a Tuesday night. Maybe New York was the city that never slept, but that didn’t mean that I had to be out in it. Other people could enjoy the parties and the noise, but they weren’t for me. This was my happy place. Peace, warmth, and a gripping storyline...
Bang.
“Oh God, sorry, I didn’t mean to slam the door against the wall!” Elle called out from the hallway as I jumped at the sound. “I’ve just got a million and one things in my hands.”
“Do you need a hand?” I jumped up and raced to join her. Elle worked at a high-end restaurant and often got to bring food home with her. It was great when she did – it meant we got to eat well for a change.
I could eat well whenever I wanted if I took money from Jason, but I got enough bullshit from my mother as it was. I barely took any cash handouts, only when I was desperate, but you would’ve thought I did it all the time from the way she went on.
“I have salmon and potatoes tonight,” Elle cried out. “Are you ready for a feast?”
I grabbed one of the trays from her and dumped it on the table. Then I pulled out some plates, and we took our seats opposite one another. Our table was small, but it did the trick. It was one of the first things we’d bought together, so I loved eating at it.
“So, how did that audition go yesterday?” I asked as we started to eat. “I didn’t get a chance to see you last night.”
“Oh yeah, Brad was over.” I knew that! It didn’t matter how many times Elle apologized for the noise; they didn’t quieten down. “But yeah, it went okay.” She shrugged her shoulders despondently. “You know how it is; it’s pretty cutthroat.”
“Do you ever think about giving up?” I hadn’t ever asked her before. She was so passionate about acting; it ran in her blood just as music did in mine. But with everything going on with me, I just needed to ask.
“No, of course not. What, am I going to be a waitress forever?” Elle laughed as if the idea was ridiculous. “I never want to give up. Everyone has a rocky road to get there, but I’ll manage. Everyone gets their big break from somewhere.”
“Yeah, of course.”
“I mean, not every audition will go well, but I have to keep pursuing it, don’t I? I can’t give up on my dream.”
“Not when you’re so talented.” I’d seen Elle in many performances. She truly was good – once she was in character she really became that person. She deserved whatever she wanted, but just like me, she was struggling to get there. “You should keep trying.”
“Yeah, and so should you.”
Oh. I didn’t realize she was digging, hinting at me, as well. “Yeah, I know.” I did know, but that meant nothing. I had to keep going, even if I really didn’t want to, even if it felt like the hardest thing in the world.
“So, are you going to go to any more auditions? Any more orchestra things?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” I answered a beat too quickly. “As soon as I work up the courage.” I was determined to get back out there eventually. I didn’t want this to defeat me, but I was still working on the actual doing part. Thinking about going to another audition for an orchestra was one thing, but doing it was something else. “I’ll get there.”
“Your freaking mother,” Elle angrily growled. “I fucking hate that bitch. I haven’t even met her, and I despise her. She’s just a bitch who goes out of her way to hurt you because of jealousy.”
“Why would she be jealous of me?” I gasped in shock. There was absolutely nothing to be jealous of when it came to my life.
“Because you’re beautiful, obviously.”
“Well, so is she.” Sure, she had paid for beauty, but she had much more of a striking look than I did. She stood out in a crowd, while I did not. “Everyone loves her.”
“No, they don’t. How can they? She’s damn awful. I can’t imagine anyone looks at her with anything but hate. She’s jealous of you because you’re younger than her, and you’re gorgeous. She does terrible things to you; she goes out of her way to hurt you, I just... I hate what she’s done to you. You’re a talented young woman who’s too scared to do anything. She’s messed you up good.”
“No, I’m okay...”
“Hmmm, yeah that’s why you freak out so much at an audition that you’re more than ready for, that you’re overqualified for.”
“I suppose.” I didn’t know what to say to that; it was all too close to home. I didn’t think my mother was jealous of me, but it was her fault that I couldn’t cope with things. Before she got too horrific to me, I had been strong; I had been confident, I could take on the world.
Now, there was nothing left to me.
I needed to change the subject before I sobbed. “You know, I bumped into Jacob’s son, Cade, on Saturday. I was busking on the street, and he was just walking past.”
“He was?” Elle exclaimed excitedly. My mother was finally long gone from her mind. “What happened?”
“He brought me lunch, actually; it was really nice.” I paused for a beat. “Maybe it was a little bit weird, since we haven’t seen one other for years, but it was pretty cool.”
“Yeah, I bet he hates your mom, too!” Well, not totally gone.
“We didn’t talk about her, or his dad. We just chatted about our lives and stuff.”
“Yeah? I bet he’s hot.” She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. “It’s just a shame that he’s your stepbrother because I still think you really need to get laid.”
Oh God. I’d forgotten about her little plan to find someone to hook me up with. I didn’t want to go back to that idea. I wasn’t ready to even think about it. “Yeah, he is hot.” I nodded along. “Very attractive, actually. But what are you going to do?”
“Introduce me to him,” she teased as she nudged me. “I wouldn’t mind getting to know this super-hot relation of Jacob’s.” When she first saw a picture of my stepdad, she commented on how attractive he was, but I didn’t really think she’d like Cade. He wasn’t her type at all. I hoped.
Why did I hope? It wasn’t like anything could ever happen between him and me, was it? Still, I didn’t think I could listen to Cade and Elle going at it in her room. I’d probably have to move out if that happened, and I didn’t have anywhere else to go.
“Yeah, I’m sure Brad will love that.”
“Who says Brad is going to be around forever?” she smirked.
“Well, Cade did say we should hang out again, but I haven’t heard from him since. Maybe if he does eventually call, then you’ll get to meet him.”
“He sounds nice, anyway,” Elle smiled brightly. “Much better than your mother. Good job he’s not a blood relative, or he might be just like her.”
“Hey! I’m not like her,” I objected strongly. “At least, I’d like to think not.” I tried very hard not to be witchy like her. I didn’t want to hear that her genetics shone through me. That would really piss me off.
“No, of course, you’re not...”
Ring, ring... Ring, ring...
“Is that your mother? Let me speak to her if so.” Elle’s eyes fired up with rage. “It has to be her; no one else would call this late.”
“It’s not Mom... It’s Cade...” My heart danced in my chest; my stomach turned right over, I felt sick and excited all at once. I felt a bit like a teenage girl who was getting a call from a crush.
“Oh my God, that’s amazing! Answer it.”
“Go away then,” I shooed her off. “I can’t speak to him with you here; I’ll end up saying something dumb.” My ears were buzzing, my face was burning, and I felt all weird inside. Luckily, she gave me exactly what I needed, and she slid into her room. “Hello? Cade?”
“Hey, Alissa.” The sounds in the background were so loud that I could barely hear him. “Sorry, it’s late. I didn’t mean to call you so late.”
“Oh no, that’s okay. I’m up; it isn’t that late.” Tingles raced right through me; I felt like I was sitting on an electric fence or something. This was not the way I should feel speaking to my stepbrother, but I couldn’t help it. “What...erm, what are you up to?”
“Oh, I’m just on my way home. How about you?”
“I’m at home already.” I hoped that was elusive enough, so it sounded like I had been out. I didn’t want Cade to think I was totally dull.
“Do you want to...”
“Pardon?” His sentence petered out halfway through. I gripped tighter onto the phone and pressed it desperately against my head. I really wanted to know where that sentence was going. “Cade, are you there?”
“I said, did you want to go out to dinner tomorrow?”
Oh, my God, that sounded like a date. My breath caught in my throat at the mere idea of it. Maybe I should say no. Maybe I needed to suggest something more casual, but at the same time, I really wanted to see him again. I desperately needed to spend some one-on-one time with him, even if it was wrong.
“Yes, of course, that sounds great.”
“I’ll pick you up at eight-”
After that, he crackled and vanished, but it didn’t matter. Our plan was made.
“Can I come out yet?” Elle yelled through the door as if she didn’t have her ear pressed up against it the entire time. “Are you done?”
“I’m done. Come on out.” As she raced to join me, I spoke so fast that my words almost tripped over one another. “He asked me out for dinner tomorrow night. What do you think that means?”
“Well, I suppose siblings go out to eat,” she answered much too slowly for me. “But this is a little strange.” She pursed her lips and ran her eyes up and down my body. “We have to make sure you’re dressed nice, just in case.”
My imagination ran away from me, just for a moment. I imagined Cade treating me like a princess, acting like I was his date, making me feel special. My body lit up like crazy, and it was the first time I’d felt anything other than numbness for a while now. It felt really good.
It was just a shame that it couldn’t ever be what I wanted it to be.
Could it?
No, of course, it couldn’t. What the hell was I thinking?
“What do you have in your wardrobe? Let’s go and look now,” Elle squealed excitedly. “You have that black dress, which looks really awesome on you.”
With Elle acting like it wasn’t a big deal for me to get excited, I allowed myself to get carried away. My pulse raced, butterflies flapped violently in my stomach, my body trembled with excitement. I wanted this to be amazing; I just wanted one thing to go right for me.
For the first time in a very long time, I wanted a man to like me.