Chapter Fifteen
Cade
December 16, Saturday, Late Evening
Alissa hadn’t let go of my hand all night long. She grabbed it as the music started, and she continued to hold it until we reached the front door of her apartment. As soon as she let go, I instantly felt cold without her. I missed her like crazy, but unfortunately, she needed her fingers to unlock her door.
I didn’t want the night to end, but I didn’t want to push it. I would just have to ensure that we made plans to see one another again...
“Would you like to come in for a coffee?” she asked, a little tentatively.
My heart lifted. Of course, I wanted to go inside. My stomach twisted happily, but I couldn’t expect too much. Alissa wasn’t like other women, which was exactly why I liked her. “Yes, that sounds awesome, thanks. You can tell me more about the music you love. Now that I’m a newfound opera fan.”
“Oh of course!” As Alissa turned to smile cheekily at me, I could tell that she got my sense of humor. It was a little dry, which didn’t work for everyone, but she seemed to like it a lot. “Come on in. I’ll show you my music collection.”
“Maybe you can even play me something. I’d love to see how great you are on the clarinet.” I felt bad that I hadn’t ever seen Alissa play before. I knew that we weren’t a close family, but that seemed ridiculous.
“Hmm, I don’t know about that.”
She practically tiptoed inside as she peered into what I assumed was the living room cautiously. “What’s wrong?” I whispered. “Is everything alright?”
“I’m just checking to see if my roommate is home.” Ah, her friend that “wanted to meet me.” “But I don’t think she is.” She visibly relaxed as she said that, which had me wondering what was wrong. Did she honestly think that I was going to like her friend? I wasn’t like that... I wasn’t Matt!
“Are you that ashamed of me?” I teased while pouting out my bottom lip like a toddler having a tantrum. “I can’t believe you don’t want me to meet your friends.”
“Oh no, it isn’t that.” I absolutely loved the way her cheeks flamed as she defended herself. “It’s just that Elle spends a lot of time having...you know, noisy sex with her boyfriend. It doesn’t matter if I’m here or not, and I don’t think she’d care if you were here, either.”
Even though she was a sweet, innocent angel, hearing Alissa say the word sex sent lightning bolts down towards my underwear. I was doing my best to control myself, but it was impossible when there was such an intense stirring going on...down there. She drove me crazy, and the fact that she looked like a beauty queen tonight was only making me worse.
I wanted her, but not in a lustful way. The lust was there – intensely so, I could definitely feel a deep passion driving me insane – but there was something else there, too. Something I hadn’t ever experienced before.
I needed to keep it light-hearted if I didn’t want to reveal the inner turmoil I was experiencing. “Oh yeah? You jealous?” I teased. “You wish that it was you having all the noisy sex?” As soon as those words left my lips, my heart tightened with jealousy. I didn’t want anyone to make Alissa growl with pleasure, but me.
I could imagine myself grabbing her and pressing her up against the wall behind her, then sticking my tongue down her throat. I wanted to run my hands all over her. I wanted to touch every inch of her curves. I wanted to make her see just how sexy she was.
“I can’t believe you just said that!” As she put her face into the fridge to pull out a couple of beers, I couldn’t help but hope that she was trying to cool herself down. I wanted her as riled up as I am. “You’re so bad, Cade.”
I took the beer from her, without making any sort of comment that it wasn’t the coffee, and followed Alissa over to the couch. She picked up a remote, and I thought she was about to flick the television on, but then a wonderful soft tune filled the room. I listened intently to it for a few moments, really drinking in the music more than I’d ever done before.
“So, you enjoyed the opera then?” I asked with a grin. It was a redundant question, but I loved the way she spoke with passion as she discussed music. “It was great, wasn’t it?”
“Oh, I loved it. It was amazing, it’s made me want to see more.” That tinged in my brain, another date idea. I certainly wanted to take her out again. “I want to play more, too.”
I hadn’t even thought about that, but if it inspired Alissa to play more regularly then, I was definitely grateful. If it helped bring up her confidence, then that was amazing.
“I can’t explain it, music is my calling.” Alissa waved her hands a little as she spoke, almost as if she was lost in her words. “I have to find a way to make it work.”
“I bet you’re amazing. I wish I bumped into you earlier the other day because I would love to see you play.” By the time I’d caught up to her on her street, she was already packing up. Much as it made it an easy introduction to us hanging out, it meant I missed out on seeing her work that clarinet.
She smiled as she glanced down. As she peered up at me under her eyelashes my heart fluttered all over again. “I’m definitely not playing for you right now; the neighbours will kill me.”
“Oh, okay.” I shrugged in a blasé manner as if it didn’t matter at all. “I guess we’ll just have to save that for our next date then.”
A pregnant pause filled the air, making me wonder if I’d said the wrong thing. Was bringing up her music, even though she’d been discussing it, a bad idea? “So, this is a date then?”
Ah, I guess this wasn’t something we’d yet discussed. “Well, I don’t usually take women out ice skating and to the opera. I also don’t usually kiss women I’m not dating.” I hoped that made my intentions clear. I really liked Alissa.
“You haven’t kissed me today.” She was quiet as she spoke, but there was something there. Did she want me, too? Oh God, I really hope so. There was only one way to find out...
Her words felt like a challenge. I cocked my head to one side and leaned in a little. Alissa wiggled her eyebrows at me, and she angled her head towards me. The closer I got, the more excited I felt, so by the time our lips tenderly connected, a deep thrill burst within me.
This was definitely our third date, and in my mind, it was definitely time to take things to the next level. My body was pulsating and aching for Alissa...but I needed to work out where her head was at. I couldn’t push things.
I laced my fingers around her cheeks to keep our faces closer together and stared deeply into her eyes for a few moments. The deep blue wanted to drown me. I honestly wanted to throw myself into the water. I breathed her in, and she did the same.
“You’re a great kisser,” she said breathily, almost as if she didn’t realize what she was saying.
“So are you. I could kiss you all night long.”
A thick atmosphere clung to the air. It was so tense that I was certain it could be cut with a knife. A dark desire hid behind her eyes, but I wasn’t totally sure that she felt confident enough to go through with it. I kissed her once more, a little harder this time. I tried to convey my emotions without actually speaking them. I was desperate for Alissa to see that she drove me crazy, that her body was so sexy it was a challenge to keep her hands off her.
Nope, it wasn’t enough. She was too shy. I needed just to ask her. I pulled back once more and demanded, “Alissa, where is your bedroom?”
She tensed up and slid back away from me. I could tell I’d pushed her way too far. I wanted to grab hold of the words and to put them back in my mouth, but it was too late now. They were out there. My heart sunk as I realized how badly I’d screwed everything up.
“Do you want me to leave?” I asked sadly. “I’m really sorry; I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I... I...” She stood up, and she paced the room. I could almost see the cogs tightly spinning in her brain. “I’m not sure; I don’t know... I feel all...”
It was her confidence again. Her mother had really damaged every inch of her self-esteem. I wanted to shake my head in temper, but I also really didn’t want to bring Helen into this situation. The fact that her memory was lurking in the corner of the room was bad enough.
I stood up, too, and made my way over to where she was anxiously standing, biting down on her nails. “Alissa,” I started firmly. “I like you a lot. I’ve liked you ever since I first laid eyes on you.” I grabbed onto her shoulders to ensure that she listened to me. “I don’t think you see it, but you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.”
She rolled her eyes and shook her head. “That’s absolutely impossible, I’m such a plain Jane, and you’re...” She indicated up and down my body. “Well look at you. You must have supermodels throwing themselves at you.”
“Don’t be so ridiculous.”
“No, it isn’t that, it’s-”
I wanted to yell, to make her understand she was gorgeous and needed to ignore her mother’s horrible words, but I didn’t. I forced my temper to stay in check as I interrupted her. “Alissa, you’re beautiful, you’re sweet and amazing. I don’t know why you can’t see that. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes.”
“Just stop it, Cade. Stop trying to make me feel better about myself. You have no idea.”
I panted heavily as the rage threatened to consume me. This was all too much. How had Helen managed to make such a mess of her daughter? All this over jealousy. It just wasn’t right.
Unless... Was I being played? Was this all a game. Maybe there was a reason that she didn’t want to sleep with me. Maybe she knew about the money...
No, I couldn’t see it. She wasn’t like that. There was no way this girl was that good of an actress. She was scared, she’d obviously had a hard life, and it was up to me to make things better for her. I needed to show Alissa what I couldn’t make her understand from just telling her.
I grabbed hold of her face once more and kissed her deeply. I snaked my tongue between her lips and pressed my body up against hers. Maybe if she felt my desire, she’d understand my feelings a little better.
At first, she resisted just a little, but then she fell into the kiss. She responded just as passionately to me. Her hands even made their way onto my hips. Finally, she was loosening up.
“Alissa,” I lustfully gasped as I held tightly onto her. “Tell me where your bedroom is.”