Chapter Nine
Cade
December 6, Wednesday Evening
The soft French music wove through the restaurant, adding to the luxurious feel of the place. I suppose I did choose it to impress, booking a table at a place with a Michelin star, but now I was so glad that I had. Alissa deserved this.
It was probably a good thing that I hadn’t gone too far, though. I could’ve gone somewhere even fancier, but I didn’t want to show off all my wealth; mostly because I felt guilty about it. So far, it seemed like I had gotten it just right. Alissa looked happy, at any rate.
As we sat across from one another at the candlelit table, I wasn’t sure what to make of what was going on. There was an unusual aura surrounding us. This didn’t so much feel like someone taking care of another person because of a billion-dollar gift, nor did it feel like siblings spending time together. It wasn’t a friendship, but it wasn’t quite a date. It was somewhere in between. I didn’t quite know how to behave.
“This is nice.” Alissa smiled with wide eyes. “It seems very expensive.” I braced myself, waiting for her to ask how I could afford it when I didn’t even have a job, but thankfully, she didn’t seem to want to question it too deeply. “Thank you for bringing me here.”
“Yeah, I come here a lot,” I lied. “The staff know me well.” As soon as I said that, it felt like a mistake. I didn’t want Alissa thinking I brought lots of women here all the time. Perhaps I seemed like a player, but I really wasn’t. “You know, with friends and such.”
“Oh, well, that’s nice.”
There was a slight lull, and for a moment, I felt weird. We both had so much to say to one another, but there was no way to start. We had covered all the silly small-talk catch-up the other day at the diner. Tension zinged in the air, but it wasn’t totally unpleasant. Still, I felt compelled to get rid of it.
“I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to get to know you,” I blurted out without really thinking. The silence was okay, but I preferred to listen to her speak. “I should have done it so much sooner. I guess I just got busy and wrapped up in business school. It was a super hard course. All consuming.” That sounded like a pathetic lie, we both knew it. “But I guess I have plenty of time now.”
“It’s okay. I guess neither of us knows each other well. We’ve kept our distance from one another ever since the wedding. We’re just not a close family, that’s all.” She shrugged as if it didn’t bother her, but I could tell that was a mask. Her emotions flickered across her face, even if she didn’t want them to. I liked that she was an open book – it didn’t keep me constantly guessing.
“It isn’t you. I just never had a great relationship with my Dad.” I figured some honesty was needed. “I never had much to do with him really, so I’ve kept out the way.”
“Same with my mom,” she agreed with me. “I haven’t ever been very close to her, so I guess it’s my fault as much as yours. I haven’t wanted to be near her, just like you with Jacob. Your father has always seemed like a nice enough guy to me, though?”
Helen was so terrible that she probably did make my father seem okay. “Yeah, well, I dunno about that.” I shrugged trying to play it off. Honesty was one thing, but there wasn’t any need to dig up family history tonight. “You know how parents can be.”
“Your mother is away, isn’t she?” Alissa asked me delicately. “She’s a photographer, am I right?”
“Yeah, a photojournalist. She’s always away because of that. Off in some country or another. Half the time, I don’t know where she is. The last time I spoke to her, she was somewhere in Africa, but that could’ve changed.”
“I think I’d rather not know where my mother is.” She played it off as a joke, but I could tell there was much more to it than that. My heart went out to her. I felt so sorry for her having to grow up with such a cow. “And my dad isn’t any use...since he’s not here anymore.”
“Oh right, of course. He died, didn’t he?” I felt a bit harsh asking this, but if Alissa brought it up first, then there was a chance that she actually wanted to speak of him. Some people shied away from grief, but I knew that often people wanted to discuss it. I didn’t know too much of what I’d say if she did, but I would do my best for her.
“Yeah, he was hit by a drunk driver when I was eight years old.” She nodded slowly. “I remember him a little, but not enough. All I have now are photographs of him.”
We both paused, probably thinking the same thing. Maybe Helen wouldn’t be such a bitch if she was still with Alissa’s father. Perhaps, if he were still here, none of this would’ve happened. Our parents wouldn’t have got married, and we wouldn’t have met, but her life might have been a whole lot easier. Maybe they would have even been a nice family unit. It could have been his death that sent Helen over the edge – not that there was any excuse for the way she treated everyone around her.
“I’m very sorry to hear that. I bet he was an amazing man.”
“Well according to my mother, he was a sorry son of a bitch, but who knows? I like to think of him as a good man. I like to think that there’s some niceness to my blood.”
“Well, there certainly is in you,” I commented in passing. “You’re lovely.”
As she blushed, I thought again about how damn beautiful she was. With her hair, all tied back like that, exposing her neck, and a figure-hugging black dress wrapped around her body, she looked gorgeous. So classy and sweet, it made me like her even more. She was the opposite of girls like Bridget, which made me like her even more. Alissa wasn’t the sort of woman to start unnecessary drama in a nightclub.
I liked her a lot, in a way that I shouldn’t, and with every second I spent with her, that sensation only intensified. It made it challenging for me to keep thinking straight. My brain kept darting into a rather dirty place. I couldn’t stop myself from wanting to corrupt this good girl, however wrong it was.
This was the way I wanted to spend my time – with a lovely woman in a classy place. This was better for me than partying and hanging out in nightclubs. Why couldn’t Matt just see this was so much more fun? Maybe eventually he’d come around to my way of thinking, but it seemed that was a long time off now.
“Well, anyway, parents are challenging,” I said while holding up my wine glass to her in a cheers gesture. “You can’t choose them.”
“That’s very true.” She clinked her glass against mine with a smile. “Sometimes I wish I could, but I can’t.”
“Who would you have chosen if you could?”
“Just normal parents. A mom who’s always there, and a dad who hasn’t died. I don’t care for money or whatever.” Again, the thought that Alissa didn’t think much of wealthy people stung. Next time I’d have to play down my wealth even more. If, there was a next time. “All I’ve ever wanted is a happy family unit.”
“Yeah, actually me, too.” We had something in common, and that felt really nice. I liked having a bond with this woman; it was like we had a club just for us.
After that, the conversation seemed to flow much more smoothly. We’d addressed the elephant in the room – our horrible, joint family – and now we could go on to talk about other things. As we ate, we discussed music we liked, which of course she had much more to say about than me, travel, an area that I had more experience in, and our hopes for the future. Not that I’d progressed any further with mine.
I wanted to ask her if she’d had any more musical auditions, but I didn’t. I knew better than anyone that pushing didn’t help. She would talk about it if and when she was ready.
“So, that apartment you live in...” I started guiltily, thinking of my own luxurious home. “You live there alone?”
“Oh no, there’s no way I’d be able to afford that. Not unless I wanted to accept more handouts from Jacob.” She grinned brightly, no longer feeling awkward. Maybe I was making headway with her. “I live with Elle; she’s been my friend for ages now. She works as a waitress, but she’s trying to make it as an actress.” Her lips curled up in a secret smile. “She wants to meet you, actually.”
“Oh, so you’ve been talking about me,” I teased, sliding my hand across the table to brush against hers. It seemed that somehow, we’d slipped right into date mode now, which made it a lot more comfortable. “What have you been saying?”
“Not much,” she blushed. “But she’s just interested.”
I didn’t believe that for one second. I wished I could be a fly on the wall of her apartment to hear that conversation. I’d love to know exactly what she thought of me; it’d make this so much easier to navigate. There had to be a reason Alissa spoke of me, and I didn’t think it was just our family links.
Or maybe I hoped.
“Well, then maybe I’ll swing by and meet her sometime.”
“She has a boyfriend,” Alissa gasped a little too defensively, which gave me the hint that she was as into me as I was her. “Brad is his name. He’s like this giant guy with a shaved head and tattoos.”
“Trust me,” I smirked. “I have absolutely no intention of getting in Brad’s way.” I leaned in until my breath tickled her neck. “She doesn’t do anything for me.”
“You haven’t even seen her yet-”
Her breath caught in her throat, and all I wanted to do was hold her in my arms. I’d never felt such a strong, protective sense over anyone before. It was strange, but nice, too.
“I don’t need to see her,” I stated. “I’ve seen you.”
With that, I pulled back to let the dust settle. I just wanted to go in a little bit to see how she’d react. Judging by the way that her cheeks tinged pink and she bit down on her lip, she liked it, too. For a moment, I wondered what it’d be like to tell my dad that I was dating Alissa, but it was almost too ludicrous for words. He’d laugh me right out of his damn house.
“Are we ordering dessert?” I asked with a grin. “I’ve seen you eyeing up the chocolate cake in the food cupboard.”
“Damn it, I was trying to be discrete,” she laughed. “Yeah, I would love some, thank you.”
I grabbed the waiter’s attention to place an order, all while my heart pounded violently in my chest. My body was getting too excited. I could feel myself getting carried away – any minute now I’d lean in and kiss her and potentially blow everything. I needed to be careful.