Chapter Ten
Alissa
December 6, Wednesday
As we left the restaurant, my nerves kicked up another notch. This whole evening had been anxiety inducing, from the moment I started getting ready. Then when Cade turned up in his sleek black car, it increased. When we stepped inside the restaurant, I freaked the hell out on the inside.
Elle and I struggled to throw together a meal. And, apparently, Cade ate out at places like that “all the time.” He had to have some money somewhere. He didn’t work, so he had to have some serious trust fund or something.
Seeing him, so content to spend money made me feel a little better about the fact that I sometimes needed it myself. In a way, we had opportunities that others didn’t. Maybe it was right to take advantage of that.
The only time I relaxed was after my second glass of wine when we started talking about music. That topic was my safe place. I could discuss it for hours, and with Cade’s rapt attention on me, I felt good.
Then he touched my hand, and everything fell apart again. I had never experienced sparks like that before, and knowing that he felt the same way made it even more challenging to ignore. At least, I thought he felt the same way. “I don’t need to see her. I’ve seen you.” I couldn’t be reading that wrong, could I?
“I think we should walk back to your apartment,” Cade told me with a soft grin. “It’s such a beautiful night.”
I was touched by the fact that he wanted to look out for me, but it felt a bit too romantic. If we started heading down that road, there was no telling how far it would go. That would really send my mother wild. “You can’t get the father, so you go for the son... Do you really have no morals? Are you trying to embarrass me?” Urgh, no thank you.
“I can walk, it isn’t far from here,” I tried to insist. “I do it all the time. Maybe not from here, but this distance. It’s not like it’s dangerous or anything...”
“I want to walk you,” Cade shut me down rapidly. “I won’t take no for an answer.”
By that point, it would’ve been awkward for me to disagree, so I nodded a little helplessly and walked closer to him. My hand dangled down by my side, as did his. Every so often, our skin would brush against one another, and I would get powerful shivers racing up and down my spine. He didn’t reach out for my hand, though, which was probably a good thing. We needed to be smart – even if I did feel a bit disappointed.
“I like your street,” Cade commented as we turned the corner near my home. “It’s nice around here.”
“Hmmm,” I commented, noncommittally. It was okay, but I felt sure that where he lived made this place look like a heap of crap. “Yeah.”
“Don’t you like it?”
“Oh, it’s fine. It’s just... I suppose I would prefer somewhere nicer.”
“Just need that damn career to kick off,” he teased, touching on a very tricky subject. “How is that going, by the way? Have you found your mojo yet?”
“Not yet!” My tone was fake. It was so fake that it felt embarrassing. I needed to shut the phony me off if I wanted Cade to get to know me better. I wanted to know him, so it was only fair. “No, my self-confidence issues run pretty deep, I’m afraid. I don’t think I’ll be able to shake them off that quickly.”
“Yeah, the lack of confidence that came on after college.” He was building to something; I could just feel it. “Do you mind if I ask you something?”
Yes! Please don’t ever ask me anything; I hate it!
“Go ahead.” Why was I so weak? Why could I never just say what was on my mind?
“Do you think it might have anything to do with your mother? She seems like a very...cold person.”
“Wow, that’s an understatement,” I chuckled. “I wish she was just a cold person.”
“What do you mean?”
“She hates me.” Oh, God. I didn’t mean to say that. I never said that. I usually tried to play it down, especially with people I didn’t know very well. It must have been because Cade knew my mom, and he saw her for what she was. “She always has, and I don’t know why. I suppose trying to figure out just what’s so unlovable about me that even the woman who gave birth to me can’t stand me has knocked me down a bit.”
“Is it really that bad?” Luckily for me, there was no pity in Cade’s voice. It was more of an understanding, which encouraged me to continue.
“Put it this way, the other day she left me a voicemail telling me that I had to stop chasing after Jacob – which, of course, I’ve never done – that I’m worthless, and that she’s glad she doesn’t have to see me for Christmas.”
Cade’s expression twisted up into one of incredulous shock. “And, that’s common?”
“That was quite a nice one, actually. But, she’d been drinking. The sober ones can be a million times more hurtful.”
“And, how long has that been going on?”
I shrugged because I couldn’t speak anymore. A thick ball of emotion had unwittingly got stuck in my throat, and I knew that the moment I opened my mouth, I would burst into tears. Oh no, maybe not. Here they came anyway.
Good one, Alissa! At least you got rid of the romantic atmosphere!
“Oh no, don’t cry.” Cade stopped and wrapped me up in his arms for a moment. I didn’t fully let go because I really didn’t want to weep into his chest, but I did enjoy the comforting warmth of his strong, muscular frame. With his arms around me, I felt safe. That sensation was utterly intoxicating. I knew I could easily get addicted to it if I tried.
“Sorry, I’m a mess,” I murmured into his chest. “I don’t generally talk about this stuff; I just feel like you understand. You’re easy to talk to; that was my downfall.”
“That’s actually the first time anyone has ever said that to me.” As he laughed, the musical sound which came from his chest spiked emotion directly into my heart. Yep, there was definitely something different about this man. “But I’m here for you to talk to whenever you want.”
“Thank you.” I was touched; that was far too kind.
As Cade pulled back to look at me, I fell deep into his eyes. I wanted to swim around in them, to learn what was going on behind them. I felt like he had so much more to offer than the world had yet seen. I wished that I could be the one to see first.
“Shall we do something special on Friday? Just me and you?”
“Erm, yeah sure.” Did he mean that as a date? Did he actually like me?
When he touched me and sensations flooded me, it was easy to think that maybe he did. But when I really thought long and hard about it, with rationality in my brain, there was no way that someone this gorgeous could ever be interested in me. I was far too boring for him. It had to be a family thing, even if it didn’t feel that way. “What did you have in mind?”
“A surprise, just you wait and see.”
His head dipped slightly lower, and I couldn’t resist. It would have been much better to stay strong, it’d have been more sensible for me to pull away, but those lips were calling out, and I really wanted a taste. His arms stayed wrapped around me, so we’d overstepped a boundary anyway. My head swam, my body pulsed. Damn it; I wanted to just go for it.
Then our lips connected and my entire body lit up like a Christmas tree.
It was almost as if fireworks were exploding all over my body, threatening to swallow me whole. I fixed my hands on his shoulders and allowed the kiss to deepen. His tongue darted between my lips, and I opened my mouth slightly to let him in. It had been a very long time since I had allowed a man anywhere near me, but with Cade, I couldn’t seem to stop myself.
A deep desire hummed through my body as his hands knotted up in my hair. I knew I was breathless, Cade had stolen all the air from my lungs, and I’d willingly let him. There was a powerful chemistry circling us, wrapping us up in a bubble no one else could enter. The rest of the world melted away, and we were the only two left alive.
It was wonderful.
Eventually, we had to pull apart, just to come up for air, and the second we did my fingers flew up to my passion-bruised lips. They tingled, the memory of him was still there, and I hoped it stayed that way for a while.
I hadn’t misread things. Cade liked me for some reason. It took all I had not to dance about in excitement.
We stared at each other for a few moments, both of us completely in shock. I certainly didn’t mean for that to happen and judging by his expression, neither did he. Even if the feelings were there, we didn’t need to act on them. But we had, and it felt good. So where did we go from here?
I wanted to invite Cade into my place. I wanted to be the one having noisy sex for a change. The idea was so tempting that I very nearly giggled. But I wouldn’t because this couldn’t ever really go anywhere, and I didn’t want to end up with a shattered heart again. What had happened to me before still weighed heavily on me, and I didn’t want to make the same mistake.
“Come on, let me walk you to your door.” Cade smiled as he spoke. Luckily, it didn’t seem like he expected to come inside, which only made me think higher of him. Elle once told me that guys didn’t care about kissing, they were only interested in what it led to, so the fact that Cade didn’t seem to be that way worked well in his favour. “Then I can get to planning our awesome Friday night.”
I was already too excited. I had no idea what would happen, but the idea of spending more time with Cade was awesome. “You’re gonna have to tell me what it is,” I teased. “Or how will I know what to wear?”
“You won’t get it out of me that easily,” he chuckled at me. “Feel free to keep on trying, though.”
I couldn’t wait to get inside, to analyse every single part of the night with Elle, but I also didn’t want the night to end, either. I really was having the best time. At least we had Friday to look forward to; I would probably go insane!
“Well, I’ll see you soon.” He kissed me lightly on the lips, sending sparks fluttering all over again. “Thank you for an enjoyable evening.”
“No, thank you, dinner was wonderful.”
I practically fell through the door. I was swooning so hard; I felt like I’d been sleeping for years and that kiss had woken me back up again. I couldn’t wait to crawl into bed to dream about Cade all night long...
“Oh my God!” Elle screeched from behind me making me jump. “You kissed him.”
“Er...” I spun around and stared at her. It suddenly hit me that she might not approve, considering the stepbrother connection.
“Oh, thank goodness.” Okay, nothing to worry about there then! “I was hoping you would. Tell me all about it.”
“Gladly.”